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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702206">Here in This Lonely Place</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayRaven1798/pseuds/MayRaven1798'>MayRaven1798</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My So-Called Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Children, Children, F/M, Reunions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:14:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>45,145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayRaven1798/pseuds/MayRaven1798</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This story takes place in an AU that follows my first story. You don’t have to read the other story first. In fact this is a bit of a deviation from where that story ended—so I’m mostly posting these chapters for myself. If anyone else wants to have a read, please do. Enjoy the continued insanity from my brain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Follows many years after “The Angela Effect”.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p><br/>The first day of a new school year was always stressful. Even though Liberty High was like a second home by now, Rayanne Bliss—formally Graff—still felt like a fraud sitting in her little guidance office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Liberty was slow on it’s upgrade to digital, so she had a stack of files for all the new freshman sitting next to her computer.Before she could settle in to look them over there was a knock on her door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Miss Bliss, are you in?” Came an overly cheery voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. It was Sharon Vinovich, her old friend and one of the Science teachers. It was thanks to her that she had this job, so she plastered a smile on her face and invited her in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on in, Sharon,” she said warmly, “please excuse the mess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sharon, although small in stature was curvier these days, squeezed her way into the tiny space between the door and the boxes stacked by the desk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, if I didn’t have to send my files to storage to be locked away every summer it would save me a lot of time,” Rayanne complained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know how it is,” Sharon commiserated. “The school doesn’t trust the type of students who take summer school not to snoop around and steel things when no one is looking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, I was that type of student,” she told her with a laugh. “I guess it’s the price I pay for getting summers off.” Sharon nodded and sat in one of the chairs opposite Rayanne’s desk. “So, why are you here again?” She asked her friend as she tossed her long wavy brown hair over her shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You will never guess who I had in home room this morning,” she began to say then she paused for Rayanne to guess.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne pulled a face. “God, Vinovich, just tell me already.” Sometimes talking to Sharon was like being back in high school. It wasn’t like she all day to gossip anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you haven’t heard then?” Sharon said with concern. “Rickie didn’t tell you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne stopped moving things on her desk and stared at Sharon. “I haven’t talk to Rickie in a few weeks I guess. Why? Who is it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sharon cringed a little and put a hand on the desk. She leaned in closer and told her, “Emily Krakow.” Rayanne’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not possible,” she said trying not to panic. “They live in New York...Angela is based there, right?” Rayanne stood and looked at the pile of new students she hadn’t gotten to. She started to flip through them, looking for Emily’s file. “Why would she be here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I honestly have no idea, I thought you would know,” offered Sharon, obviously regretful that she was the one who broke the news to her. “I talked to Angela a couple of weeks ago and she sounded stressed. Maybe they were in the middle of a move...or a brake up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Sharon rambled, Rayanne found the file she was looking for. ‘Emily Angela Krakow’. She opened it and scanned it quickly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck,” she cursed out loud. “Looks like her parents are listed as separated and Brian is her primary guardian.” Sharon stayed silent as her friend continued to read the file. “I didn’t even realize she was fourteen already. How horrible am I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Life happens and time gets away from the best of us,” Sharon said trying to soothe her distress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I gave birth to her, I should at least remember how old she is...” she said trailing off. “Oh great,” she continued, “their address is Brian’s parents’ house. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No that can’t be right,” Sharon said shaking her head. “My parents said they moved down to Florida, or something. Maybe he’s there alone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Without Angela...” Rayanne said quietly, mostly to herself. Angela had been the driving force in her final decision to walk away. She would never say so out loud though, especially to Angela herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her entire relationship with Brian felt like he was holding back and when she caught them together she finally understood why. Angela was and always would be the object of Brian’s affections. With Jordan Catalano out of the picture Angela finally let herself see Brian how Rayanne had; as a sweet, sensitive, loving person. It didn’t hurt that he had also grown out of his awkward stage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By seventeen Brian was everything Angela wanted and Rayanne let her have him...and her daughter. Rayanne didn’t cope well with the turmoil in her life and she didn’t just fall off the wagon. No, in true Rayanne fashion she drove that flaming wagon off a cliff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took her years to work through her self-destructive behaviour. She was married briefly to a tattoo artist, whom she probably only agreed to marry in her inebriated state because his last name was Bliss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she was finally close to functional, Sharon Cherski—now Vinovich, was the only one of her friends still talking to her. It took a couple more years to get Rickie Vasquez to trust her again. Sharon helped her see her calling as a guidance counsellor, after all who had more experience with all the wrong things to do with your life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She never talked to Angela, or Brian again. She would get updates from Angela’s mom every now and then. Sometimes Rickie would give her some news, but he really didn’t feel it was his place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Angela got a job as a correspondence journalist out of college. She got to travel the world and have all kinds of unique experiences, while her husband stayed home with Emily. She was his daughter, so why wouldn’t it be his job to be the one at home. She heard they later had a son together. She couldn’t recall how old he was now, just like she’d forgot how old Emily was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The memories of the last fourteen years flooded back to her and she took a moment to center herself. If Emily was back in Three Rivers and attending Liberty she was going to have to be professional about their relationship. She had no idea what the girl had been told about her, if anything much at all. It was also possible that Brian had no clue that she was working at his daughter’s high school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you okay?” came Sharon’s reassuring voice. “I know this must be hard for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think I’ll be okay, like eventually,” she said trying to smile. “Did she strike you as the quiet bookworm type, or the I want to burn the whole world type?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sharon shrugged. “I really couldn’t say. She’s new in town so she seemed awfully quiet. Lots of the other kids already know each other from elementary school,” she told her. “I’ll keep my eye on her. If her parents are getting divorced she could go either way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If she’s like her dad she’ll hold it all in until she explodes. If she’s like her mom she’ll explodefrequently,” she said reflectively.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Which mom?” Sharon asked playfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ha, either I guess,” Rayanne said without missing a beat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, be warned...she looks a lot like you, only taller and blonder,” Sharon said as she rose to leave. “It might be a little shocking when you first see her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Sharon...for everything,” she said in earnest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course,” Sharon said and left her friend to sort the rest of her files.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was almost time to go home for the day when Rayanne received the call that two students had been caught fighting. They were both shown into her office. In the old days, when she went to Liberty, they would have gone straight the the principle. But now they had proper councillors and mediation protocols.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two ninth graders entered the small room and sat as far apart as the space would allow. The first girl was shorter, had braces and wore glasses. The second girl was taller, with long, wavy blond hair and a beauty mark on her cheek that mirrored her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great”, she thought, “so much for keeping my distance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She started it,” huffed the shorter brunette, whose name was Patience. Rayanne tried not to chuckle when she heard it. Who names their kid Patience?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did not,” said Emily defensively. “She just wants you to believe she’s the victim because she looks so weak and nerdy...but she’s the one who pulled my chair away so I would fall on the floor and embarrass myself. All because of a boy. Like, get over yourself, Patience.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you hear her? She just called me nerdy. Isn’t that, like, a hate crime or something?” whined Patience. Emily rolled her eyes at the girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You obvious lack the intelligence your appearance leads us to believe you have,” snarked Emily. “Or you would know what a hate crime actually was.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne sat in silent amazement. Emily Krakow was most definitely her parents’ daughter. She had Brian’s intellect with Angela’s no nonsense attitude. There was a strange surreal feeling she had watching a girl—who looked very much like her—express herself for the first time. She hoped her mouth wasn’t hanging open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Miss Bliss aren’t you going to say anything?” Patience asked in the same whiny tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was told that you, Emily, proceeded to take Patience’s book bag and dump it on the floor and then the two of you started to shove each other and that’s when Mr. Solomon pulled you apart?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was so inefficient,” observed Emily. “Male teachers are so unsure of themselves these days. They’re always afraid some kid will accuse them of something inappropriate.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Patience just stared at her counterpart. Rayanne wasn’t sure if she disagreed, or was just lost by the girl’s meaning. She started to think Emily was right. This poor girl looked like a nerd, but was not all that smart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So what do you think we should do about this?” Rayanne asked the two girls. She always liked to get a feel for how they would seek a resolution; then if they proved incapable she would offer one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think ‘Crack-cow’ owes me an apology,” Patience said cruelly. At first Rayanne thought she had misheard the girl in her pronunciation of Emily’s name, but then Emily started to tear up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t call me that,” she said sternly trying to keep herself together. “It’s stupid and you’re stupid for saying it like that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was going nowhere fast. “Okay, girls...here’s what’s going to happen,” Rayanne told them as she took a deep breath. “It’s the first day at a new school for both of you. If you can each apologize to each other and stay out of trouble for the rest of the week I won’t write you up in your official files.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Patience started to open her mouth to retaliate, but Rayanne held her hand up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you can’t behave then you’ll be back here and there will be talk of detention,” she continued, “Usually this is in the form of physical labour somewhere in the school. We’re talking picking up garbage, painting over graffiti, or my favourite; serving lunch in the cafeteria to your fellow students.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Patience looked from Rayanne to Emily and said, “I’m sorry I was mean to you. I guess, maybe that boy wouldn’t have liked you anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emily gaped at the shorter girl and her sad excuse for an apology. “I’m sorry you were mean to me too,” she began. Rayanne cleared her throat and Emily tried again. “I mean, I’m sorry I dumped out your bag so that boy you liked would see your tampons spill on the floor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne caught another laugh. These were not the best apologies she had ever heard, but it was a start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Truce?” Emily said offering her hand. Patience took it reluctantly and shook it once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can we go now?” asked Patience with a sigh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne told her she could go, but asked Emily to stay for another moment longer. Rayanne closed the door after the girl left and sat in the now vacant chair next to Emily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute about your parents,” she told her. “Your file says they’re recently separated. How are you doing with that?” She sincerely wanted to know. The girl had found her way into her office and she felt like there was an obvious concern that should be addressed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you like Mrs. Vinovich?” Emily asked looking Rayanne over. “Did you go to school with my parents too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne nodded slowly, still unable to get a read if the girl knew more than she was letting on. “I did, but that’s not why I’m concerned. I know what it’s like to have a parent walk out,” she confessed trying to show her some understanding. “It’s not something that’s easy to get over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well then you should be happy to hear that we walked out on my mom, not the other way around,” the girl declared. “My dad is amazing and she treated him like garbage.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne was stunned for a moment. “You think that, or he said that?” She asked after re-grouping. “Sometimes our parents will say terrible things about each other...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know that she did. I was there,” Emily said tersely. “She cheated on him with some musician and tried to act like they hadn’t been happy for long time. It was total bull! Maybe my mom hadn’t been, like, happy— but my dad loved her and did everything for her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you’re mad at your mom. That’s understandable,” she said softly. “I know we don’t know each other very well just yet, but I would really like it if you would come and see me if you start to get angry. I mean anytime. I have a punching bag in the basement and it’s really great to let off some steam.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emily looked at her skeptically. “I don’t think that’s for me. It’s a little too violent, in my humble opinion,” she told her. Rayanne almost crawled out of her skin at the girl’s use of Angela’s old phrase.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about drawing? I used to draw sometimes and let all my inner demons out that way,” she counter-offered. Emily nodded a little. Rayanne went back to her desk and got out a small drawing pad and a few pencils. “You can have these to get started...and if it’s okay with you maybe you can share your drawings once in a while.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emily took the supplies and shoved them in her bag. She turned to go, as though suddenly shy. The girl stopped at the door and said, “Thanks Rayanne. I didn’t think you would be so cool. I was really scared to talk to you, but you made it easy. Maybe you can come by sometime and see my dad. He could use a friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She still wasn’t sure if Emily knew who she was to her, but had to stop herself from tearing up at the kind invitation. “Well Emily, that’s really nice of to ask, but maybe you should check with your dad first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The blond nodded and left. Rayanne sat on the edge of her desk. She thought she’d handled their first encounter well, but couldn’t help the guilt that bubbled up in her chest when Emily left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had been so sure Angela was everything Brian and Emily had needed, but she’d betrayed them both and Brian was right back to where he was fourteen years ago. Well not exactly. Now he had a broken heart, two kids, and a mortgage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne was not ready to see him. What if he had let himself go? What if he was fat, bald and pathetic? She wasn’t ready to face that prospect. She was happier with her memories of him with his mop of hair tickling her as he gave her awkward, messy kisses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she came out of her daydream she saw a purse on the floor by one of the chairs. She groaned internally as she opened it and found Emily’s student ID. Why was the universe being so pushy with her today, she wondered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne pulled up in front of the Krakow’s house in her little red car. She couldn’t help but glance over to Angela’s old house across the street. Clearly her parents didn’t live there anymore. Their younger daughter, Danielle was probably out of college and they no longer needed the extra space. She was sure they still lived in town somewhere since Fiore, the restaurant owed by Angel’s father, was still doing well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bracing herself, Rayanne knocked on the front door. After a moment she heard a muffled little voice. A small boy answered the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello!” He greeted her with a big smile. He looked to be no more than four or five. He had the tightest light blond curls and bright green eyes, like his mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi there, is your sister home?” she asked him with a grin. She wondered briefly if this is what Brian had looked like when he was that age.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re too old to be friends with my sister,” he told her with an air of authority. Rayanne laughed and was about to give her rebuttal when Brian appeared behind the boy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What have I told you about answering the door. This isn’t like the apartment, Chase. We don’t buzz our friends in anymore, so we don’t always know who everyone is,” he explained as he picked the boy up effortlessly. Grey eyes met her brown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne wanted to disappear...or throw up. He was just as she remembered only so much more attractive. His curly hair was short and a little darker, he had a few days growth of stubble on his face and wore a smart pair of glasses. He looked slim and fit, probably from chasing his son around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Emily dropped her purse at school. I wanted to return it,” Rayanne said very fast and thrust the bag at him. Brian took it and stared at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rayanne?” He finally managed to say. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like I said, your daughter left her purse in my office at school, so I thought I would bring it to her,” she rambled like an idiot. When he didn’t say anything else she turned on her heal and walked back to her car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait a minute,” he called after her. “What do you mean you saw Emily at school?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m a guidance councillor at Liberty,” she blurted as she struggled to unlock her car door. “Sorry it was such a surprise...I mean I was surprised too.” She felt his eyes burn into the back of her head and she had to face him again. “I don’t think she has any idea who I am,” she said trying to calm him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who are you?” asked Chase with a giggle, still in his father’s arms. Brian shushed his son and looked her over as of trying to figure out her motives.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You really didn’t know she was going to Liberty,” he said giving her the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No clue...and you really didn’t know I have been employed there for the last three years?” she asked him with a squint. He shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m really glad...I mean you seem to have your life together,” he told her sincerely. Rayanne decided he was being nice and not having a go at her. “Are you happy...at Liberty?” he asked after a moment of awkward silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” she started to tell him. “I mean it’s kinda weird to be working at the high school I basically dropped out of, but it was a little like coming home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right, well you look good,” he said not really knowing why.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Likewise,” she said coyly. She really wanted to tell him he looked like he belonged on the cover of GQ. She felt self-conscious and frumpy by comparison in her long skirt, loose top and little to no make-up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So I should get going,” she said after a moment. “‘Cause this is awkward as all get out and I have to home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course,” he said quietly. And without another word she got in her car and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sharon stared at Rayanne as she absent-mindedly stirred her coffee. She really wanted to ask her friend about her talk with her estranged daughter, but didn’t know how exactly to start that conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re staring, Vinovich,” she said harshly as their eyes met. Sharon shrugged and picked ather muffin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how was it? It was weird, right?” the science teacher asked awkwardly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kinda, but Emily is a really cool kid,” she told her. “I mean, I have nothing to do with it, but I was so proud of her.” She said the last part quietly. She didn’t need the whole faculty knowing about Emily’s unique situation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aw, really,” Sharon said with affection, “that’s great. I think the last time I saw her was when she was my Billy’s age. I feel like a bad friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sharon’s son Billy was was eight. Together with her husband Kyle, she had two boys; Billy and a younger son Tommy who was probably the same age as Chase. Rayanne realized in that moment that maybe Sharon would see Brian dropping his son at kindergarten.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Sharon, did you know that Emily’s brother is about Tommy’s age?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her friend shook her head and confessed that with her early mornings it was Kyle who took the boys to school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Although, I find it odd that Kyle wouldn’t have said anything about seeing Brian Krakow in the school yard,” she confessed. “Do you know his name?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah...get this, it’s Chase. Like, as in Angela Chase,” she scoffed. “It’s a little disgusting. Like he was so enamoured with using her last name that they gave it to their son.” Rayanne continued to stir her coffee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think she took his name...no I really think she kept her last name,” Sharon said thoughtfully. “So in a way he has both their names. Chase Krakow...poor kid,” she chuckled as she said the boy’s name out loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh but is he ever the cutest little cherub with all those curls,” Rayanne said with a genuine smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, excuse me...” Sharon said accusingly, “when did you see him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who?” she asked with false confusion. “When did I see who?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no, did you go to their house? Don’t tell me you’re turning into a stalker. That we be really bad,” Sharon babbled her concern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not a stalker, Sharon. Emily forgot her purse in my office and I took it back to her...well to her father,” she told her and then took a long sip of her drink. “It’s no big deal,” she reassured her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You just casually dropped by to see a man you haven’t seen in fourteen years, because in the past it would have been too devastating!” Sharon stated loudly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keep your voice down. This is the teacher’s lounge, not ‘Days of our Lives’,” she retorted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well you could have fooled me,” she told her rolling her eyes. “So he’s super cute?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I honestly almost fainted he was so hot,” Rayanne whispered without thinking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mean, Brian? Obviously—not his son. What are you going to do?” Sharon really wanted to know. Rayanne shrugged. She was at a loss. This was completely uncharted territory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even if Rayanne allowed herself a connection with Emily after all these years and even if Brian let her, what good could it do her now? She would always be the screw up who bailed on them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As for Brian, she couldn’t even imagine a reality where he would want anything more to do with her. She knew he was just being his default polite self back at his house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think I better just mind my own business,” she sighed and took another sip of coffee. Sharon nodded in agreement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Too bad the universe decided that Emily Krakow was her business. Rayanne found the girl seated in her office when she returned from lunch.</p>
<p>“Hey there, Emily,” she greeted her with a wave of nerves. “What can I do for you?”</p>
<p>The blond girl shifted in her seat and looked like she was gathering her thoughts. “I wanted to thank you for returning my purse,” she said with gratitude. Then after a moment she added, “You can make recommendations for classes, right?” </p>
<p>Rayanne nodded and sat down to boot up her computer. “What sort of classes, exactly?” she asked the girl tentatively. </p>
<p>“My dad says it’s important to do well academically,” she began and Rayanne had a feeling she knew exactly where this was going. “But I’m more interested in the arts. Like drawing...and photography.” As she spoke, Emily pulled out a small portfolio. </p>
<p>Rayanne flipped through the book and was impressed by the work Emily had put together. She remembered Brian and his camera; how he liked the way he could look at the world without anyone taking notice. It looked to her that Emily had a more eclectic way of seeing things. More like herself. </p>
<p>“See he’s old school and tells me that science and chemistry are import things to know as a basis for photography and painting,” she continued. “But the world is moving to digital; it’s 2010 for Pete’s sake. Why do I need to slowly kill myself in an archaic dark room?”</p>
<p>Rayanne thought she had a point. “Well, I can set up a meeting with the art teacher, Ms. Briggs, but the rest is up to you. We don’t have a photo lab anymore anyways,” she told her. “Maybe you can concentrate on computer studies rather than science.”</p>
<p>“But will you talk to my dad?” she asked in earnest. Rayanne closed the portfolio and regarded the girl again. She thought that was a terrible idea.</p>
<p>“Why do you think I could change his mind?” she said desperate for a reason not to speak to her ex again so soon.</p>
<p>“Because you’re like me,” Emily said with a half shrug. “You’re a free spirit. You see the world a little differently.” </p>
<p>Rayanne sat back in her chair. “We only met yesterday and you’ve decided you know these things about me?” She inquired hoping that her next words were not the ones she was dreading.</p>
<p>“To be honest, I know how you are because I know who you are,” Emily said frankly. “I knew when I came in your office yesterday; or at least I was hopeful.” The blond girl took her book back and settled in her chair. “My dad told me about you. He thought it was important after his own parents kept things from him.”</p>
<p>“What did he tell you?” she asked afraid to hear the truth.</p>
<p>“My dad said you were this amazing person full of love, but you didn’t have a great start in life...so you made some bad choices, but you weren’t a bad person.” Her words came slowly and thoughtfully. Rayanne put her hand to her mouth instinctively.</p>
<p>“Then you know that I left you?” she said almost too quiet to be heard.</p>
<p>Emily nodded soberly. “It’s okay...I mean...Angela is an amazing, exciting person and she’s been a good mom. Only, sometimes we don’t connect,” she said with a kind of sadness. </p>
<p>“All mothers and daughters go through that I think,” Rayanne offered. “It sounds like your dad was there for you, though,” she added.</p>
<p>“My dad is great. He always gets me, which is why I don’t know why he’s fighting me so hard in my choice of classes.” Emily paused and sighed. “Maybe you can remind him how he loved photography and how much he liked your drawings.”</p>
<p>Rayanne sat quietly in momentary conflict. She was caught between the desire to not get involved and the girl’s request for action. “What sort of thing did your dad’s family lie to him about, just out of curiosity?” she heard herself asking.</p>
<p>“When I turned twelve I was super moody and my mom was worried. So my dad sat me down and told me how when he was sixteen he battled with depression,” she told her matter of factly. “His parents ended up confessing some big secret about how it was hereditary and he wanted me to know. So, if I had dark thoughts too I would know to talk to him.”</p>
<p>“Your grandparents sound villainous in that story,” Rayanne laughed nervously. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”</p>
<p>“You knew him then, you tell me,” she challenged her.</p>
<p>It was pretty bad from her recollection. It felt like nothing she could do would help him. “I think in a way, you got him out of it,” she confessed, unable to look at her. “He loved you so completely...” Emily smiled at her words.</p>
<p>“Will you please talk to him?” she asked again playing on the woman’s emotions.</p>
<p>“I’ll see what I can do,” she told her. “But you have to understand that he may not want to listen to me because of who I am.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Rayanne,” she said and then left her office without another word.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p>Rayanne decided the best way to address the situation was to be professional and call Brian into her office as she would any parent. It would be inappropriate to just show up at his house again.</p>
<p>He agreed to stop by the next morning after dropping his son at school. Sharon was standing in Rayanne’s doorway as they chatted. He politely tapped Sharon on the shoulder interrupting her.</p>
<p>“Hey stranger!” Sharon squealed as she pulled him into a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming by today.” </p>
<p>“At least it’s not the principal’s office,” Brian told her with a chuckle. “God, Mr. Foster was the worst. So glad he’s retired.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t we all,” Sharon agreed. Then she turned to Rayanne with her back to Brian and waved her hand like she had touched something hot. Rayanne pulled a face at her friend’s uncalled for commentary. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe Angela cheated on you...I mean look at you,” Sharon said turning to face him again and she raked her eyes up and down him like he was a piece of meat. Brian was suddenly red from ear to ear.</p>
<p>“Calm down, Sharon, you’re embarrassing yourself,” Rayanne scolded her. “Come on in and make yourself comfortable,” she said inviting him in.</p>
<p>Sharon gave a little half wave and excused herself. Brian closed the door behind him. He just fit into one of the small chairs. “So they gave you a closet?” he asked as he looked around the small space.</p>
<p>“Yeah I think this was the old AV closet I used to make-out in,” she said trying not to sound embarrassed.</p>
<p>“Not with me, you didn’t,” he teased her with a smile. He was playing with his hands and she knew he was trying to hide his nerves.</p>
<p>“No, when I was with you we were always out in the open,” she said softly. “Okay, never mind any of that. Today I wanted to talk to you about your daughter,” she said clearing her throat, trying to put on a professional air.</p>
<p>“What did she do?” he asked her plainly, like she got in trouble all the time. </p>
<p>“Nothing,” Rayanne said defensively. “No, she wanted me to talk to you about some class changes she wants to make,” she informed him.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Brian said unconvinced. Then his eye caught on her name plate on her desk. “Miss Bliss? Is that really your name now?” </p>
<p>“Yes, it is...I mean I could change it back, but who can be bothered,” she rambled dismissively. “Anyways, Emily wanted to take a concentration in art.”</p>
<p>“Emily is fourteen, she doesn’t know what she wants,” he said furrowing his brow. “We have an understanding that she can pursue her artistic endeavours on her own time. High school is for academics.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but she really feels strongly about this,” Rayanne started to say, but he cut her off again.</p>
<p>“And you know after one conversation what is best for her?” he asked in a demeaning tone.</p>
<p>“Brian just...” It was the first time she’d used his name. A wave of nausea hit her. She must have looked like she was about to be sick because his face changed to an expression of concern.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” he asked her leaning towards her. “Rayanne, what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine...I just suddenly felt like I was sixteen again,” she said as her voice trembled. “I got a little thrown off.”</p>
<p>“Sudden time travel will do that to a person,” he said sympathetically and gave her a small smile. Was he actually trying to make her laugh? </p>
<p>“My only purpose is to get you to open to the possibility that your daughter might want to do this for herself,” she said as she regained composure. </p>
<p>“Thank you...I’ll think about it,” Brian said with a small smile. Then he furrowed his brow again and said, “We could have done this over the phone. Why am I actually here?”</p>
<p>Rayanne stared at him for a beat. “Because I think it’s a good idea to meet with any parent I haven’t met in person,” she informed him. “It makes any future conversations, by phone or otherwise, easier.”</p>
<p>Brian chuckled, “But you know me.” She could tell he thought she was making excuses.</p>
<p>“No, Mr. Krakow, I do not in fact know you,” she said distancing herself. “I knew a boy once who resembled you, but that was a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you’re right,” he conceded. “Well in the future feel free to call me and we can discuss this sort of thing by phone. I’m sure my number is in Emily’s file.”</p>
<p>“Actually, there’s only a home number,” she told him as he went to leave.</p>
<p>“Exactly, you can reach me there anytime,” he said raising his brows.</p>
<p>Rayanne scoffed skeptically, “What? You work at home then?”</p>
<p>“Sure..we’ll call it a career in the domestic sciences,” he laughed as he opened the door.</p>
<p>“Are you serious? You...Brian Krakow...are a stay at home dad?” She gaped at him and she raised her brows this time.</p>
<p>“Well, technically I did have a start up company several years ago and when I sold it I made enough money so I didn’t have to work. If that makes you feel better?” He explained plainly.</p>
<p>“Jesus, next you’re going to tell me Angela had your son to give you someone to keep you company while she continued to have the life she wanted,” Rayanne said sardonically. When Brian didn’t make a smart rebuttal she felt like an ass. “I’m sorry that was so uncalled for and completely none of my business.”</p>
<p>“It was good to see you, Rayanne,” he said with a touch of sadness. “I can honestly say that you did not disappoint.” And with that he was gone. She closed the door after him and slid to the floor. </p>
<p>Why did she have to say that to him? Why couldn’t she leave well enough alone. He was actually starting to open up and be friendly, but she cut him down like a jerk. Rayanne sat there for a long time, but refused to let herself cry. Soon she would pick herself up and call her sponsor and get on with the rest of her damn day.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p>Sharon had to stay for a teachers’ meeting after school. It was a day when her husband also had an obligation with a client and her parents were unavailable. She begged Rayanne to go pick up her sons from school. They were in a private school, so even Tommy stayed the full day even though he was only in kindergarten. </p>
<p>Rayanne lined up at the front desk to sign in as a person who was allowed to pick up the Vinovich kids. She had learned previously how important it was to sign in because they threatened to have her arrested when she didn’t. </p>
<p>As she stood there waiting her turn and nervously tapping her foot, Brian came in behind her. He leaned close to her ear and said hello, causing her to jump.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Brian said in all seriousness. </p>
<p>“God, no, it’s fine...I’m fine,” Rayanne told him, trying to regroup yet again. She looked up at him then and added, “were you always this tall?”</p>
<p>“Um, I’m sure I’m the same height I was this morning,” he told her giving her a weird look. “Do you have kids that go here?” He asked as he tried to change the subject.</p>
<p>Rayanne calmed herself and studied him for a moment. “No, I’m doing Sharon a favour,” she told him. “I’m the last resort pick up person.”</p>
<p>“So no kids,” he stated more than asked.</p>
<p>“Nope just the one, but you already know about her,” she joked awkwardly. “Just me. I don’t even have any pets at the moment. I had a gerbil for a while, but it died.”</p>
<p>“What about Mr. Bliss?” He asked coyly. </p>
<p>“He’s not dead if that’s what you mean,” she told him distractedly as she signed in to pick up Tommy and Billy. “He’s in Nevada, I think...we’re divorced.” </p>
<p>“Sorry to hear that,” he commented politely. </p>
<p>“Don’t be...I’m not,” she snarked. She moved to the side so Brian could sign in as well. “Look before the kids get here and all chaos breaks loose,” she said needing to clear the air, “I just wanted to tell you that I have no intention of meddling in Emily’s life. As far as I’m concerned she is your daughter and you’ve done a great job.”</p>
<p>“Well, thanks for saying that,” he said with genuine relief. “I appreciate your respecting our understanding.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” she said with a smile and then noticed another mom checking him out. </p>
<p>The woman was maybe a few years older. She found her way over to them and began to blatantly flirting with Brian. It stood to reason that the word would have gotten around quickly about the new attractive, single dad in town. What actually bothered her was that Brian appeared to be flirting back.</p>
<p>Before she could say anything about it, Rayanne was bombarded by two rowdy boys with Sharon’s eyes and Kyle’s dimples. </p>
<p>“Got to go,” she said in Brian’s direction as she was swept away. He couldn’t help but laugh as he watched her small form get pulled away so easily.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p>When Brian arrived home he set his son up with a snack in the family room and knocked on his daughter’s door. Her room was his childhood bedroom, only it was no longer done in wood paneling. It now had a fresh coat of light turquoise paint; Emily had picked the colour herself.</p>
<p>“We’re home,” he told her quietly as to not disturb her work. “How’s the homework coming?”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, Dad,” she pouted without lifting her head. He was about to go when she turned abruptly. “Oh wait, did you talk to Rayanne?”</p>
<p>Brian paused for a moment and adjusted his glasses. “You mean Ms. Bliss? Yes, we spoke,” he informed her. He wasn’t sure that he liked his daughter’s use of the woman’s first name.</p>
<p>“And...?” she asked, prompting him to continue telling her about the conversation. When he stayed silent she huffed, “Come on, just tell me what you honestly think.”</p>
<p>“I honestly think that my clever daughter roped her guidance councillor into trying to get me to budge on your course plan,” he taunted her and kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>“So you haven’t changed your mind?” Emily asked with obvious disappointment. “But she was on my side,” she added quietly as an after thought.</p>
<p>“Well that’s really great that you have someone on your side at school,” Brian told as her tried to soothe her hurt feelings. “But maybe for this year—your first in high school— you can just try things my way, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she gave in reluctantly and hugged her father. “You look tired,” she added looking up at him. </p>
<p>“Thanks, Em,” he said trying to laugh off his fatigue. “I guess it’s been a long day.”</p>
<p>“Then you probably won’t want hear that Gramma Patty called and wants to have dinner on Sunday,” she said with an exaggerated wince. </p>
<p>“Ugh, at their house, or the restaurant,” he groaned. Brian knew this would happen as soon as they settled in. His in-laws, soon to be ex-in-laws, would be all over their grandchildren.</p>
<p>“I think the restaurant,” she told him. “If you don’t want to go, why not invite them over here?” </p>
<p>“Because Grandpa Graham hates my cooking,” he explained with another groan. </p>
<p>“Oh right, do you think that’s because he’s a chef, or because he likes to decide where everyone goes all the time?” she asked with curiosity.</p>
<p>“Hmm, probably both of those reasons,” he said with a smile at her smart observation.</p>
<p>“Well since you’re so tired I can can make dinner tonight,” Emily offered.</p>
<p>“Well since we’re having left-overs I will take you up on that offer,” he teased her playfully. Emily gave him another hug and shook her head before heading downstairs. </p>
<p>Brian was about to follow her when something on her desk caught his eye. There was a black and white photo under her math book. When he pulled it out to have a closer look he realized it was Rayanne. The back even said as much and was dated April 19th 1995. They had been together maybe a week or two. She looked so happy, sitting in the sun. He probably took it outside at school.</p>
<p>He brought the photo with him to the kitchen. “Hey Em, where did this come from?” he asked his daughter calmly.</p>
<p>“You went through my stuff!” Emily shot back in an accusatory tone. She went to grab it from him and he moved it away.</p>
<p>“I think you went through my stuff first,” her father countered. “Where did you find this?” he asked again.</p>
<p>“In the basement,” she informed him. “There are some old boxes near the back. There were year books and photographs.” She hung her head waiting for her father to punish her.</p>
<p>Brian sat on a kitchen chair, took off his glasses and held his head in his hands. “You knew exactly who Ms. Bliss was, didn’t you?” he asked with his eyes closed.</p>
<p>“Yes...I’m sorry,” she apologized quietly, afraid that he was getting one of his headaches.</p>
<p>“Is that why you were so eager to get her to talk to me about changing your classes? Tell me Em; were you just bored and wanted to see what would happen?” he asked with frustration; knowing that his daughter was often too smart for her own good.</p>
<p>“No, Daddy I wasn’t bored,” she confessed. “You’ve been so sad since we moved here. I just thought maybe you she could help you.”</p>
<p>“That’s a ridiculous notion, Emily,” he scolded. “She’s a high school guidance councillor.”</p>
<p>“But she was your friend once. Your best friend,” Emily said as she started to cry. “She was there for you once. I just honestly thought, maybe if you saw each other again...”</p>
<p>“Em you need to leave this alone,” Brian told her, finally looking at his daughter. “Rayanne is not someone we need in our lives. Not that way.” There he’d put his parental foot down. He hated that she was crying, her big brown eyes so sad. She looked just like her mother; her biological one. He pulled her into another hug. “I’ll try to do better, okay, kid?”</p>
<p>She nodded into his chest as he held her. Chase came in and saw his sister was upset and rushed over to hug her too. Brian loved his little broken family. He felt things were hard enough as they were without digging up the past. Maybe Emily missed her mother more than she was letting on. He’d have to swallow his pride and call Angela.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sharon convinces Rayanne to go to dinner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mention of past drug use.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday night Sharon convinced Rayanne to go to Fiore with her and Kyle. They left the kids with Kyle’s parents, which Rayanne had not been expecting. Most times if she was invited out it was as a family. With just the two of them she felt like some kind of third wheel. Sharon tried to explain it was because it was a fancier restaurant, but Rayanne was not convinced. She was starting to suspect that they had set her up on a blind date.</p>
<p>Sure enough, an overly nervous man met them at their table. Apparently he worked in Kyle’s office, which meant he was an accountant, or some other type of paper pusher. Kyle worked for a sporting goods company in sales and marketing, but this man did not look like the confident, salesman type. </p>
<p>As they were introduced Rayanne got distracted by a loud group to the back of the restaurant. It sounded like a large family reunion. Curiosity got the better of her and she almost lost her balance as she leaned over in her chair to see past the enormous fountain in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>Rayanne stopped herself from falling over, but not before she caught sight of none other than Angela Chase. She tried to calm herself and rationalized that this was her family’s restaurant; Angela had every right to be here.</p>
<p>“Rayanne what’s wrong?” Sharon stage whispered at her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”</p>
<p>“Angela is here having dinner with her family,” Rayanne informed as she fanned herself with her menu.</p>
<p>“No kidding?” said Kyle, who was ready to get up and say hello like it was the most natural thing in the world.</p>
<p>“Kyle stay where you are,” Sharon ordered her husband. “Maybe we should leave,” she suggested as she watched Rayanne grow paler.</p>
<p>“But sweetheart, we just got here,” Kyle countered his wife. “Angela is an old friend of my wife’s,” he told his co-worker as Rayanne started to freak out.</p>
<p>“No I’ll just go,” Rayanne said rising from her seat. “She still likes you. Sorry things didn’t work out...” she said turning to her almost date.</p>
<p>“Chester,” he told her as she stared at him blankly. </p>
<p>“Right, Chester,” she said only half smiling. Then when she made a play for the door she was cut off by Emily who had just come in.</p>
<p>“Rayanne...What are you doing here?” The girl asked as she was both surprised and concerned.</p>
<p>“You have got to be kidding me,” Brian huffed behind his daughter. He watched as his son ignored them and ran into his mother’s waiting arms. Rayanne followed Brian’s sightline and realized with some relief that his comment had not been about herself, but Angela’s presence.</p>
<p>“Why is Mom here?” Emily asked her father with further distress.</p>
<p>“Because I called her to tell her how things were going, which she must have taken as an open invitation to come to town,” he explained and then pinched the bridge of his nose, under his glasses. </p>
<p>Rayanne hated that he looked so annoyed. So she decided to retreat and sit again before he saw her.</p>
<p>Emily looked to Rayanne and Sharon for guidance, but Rayanne motioned for her to go to the back hoping it would distract Brian. The girl took the mimed cue and led her father away. Once they were out of sight Rayanne was able to leave without being noticed, but was stopped again. This time by Graham Chase.</p>
<p>“Look whose here tonight!” Graham said with delight to Sharon and Kyle. “Why don’t you come and join us? You’re welcome to bring your friends.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s such a hot idea, Graham,” Rayanne mumbled into her lap. The man, now almost sixty, looked at his patron with confusion. </p>
<p>“Oh Rayanne, I didn’t realize it was you,” Graham said frankly. He then turned to the other man at their table to see if he was supposed to know him as well.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, we don’t know each other,” said Chester flatly.</p>
<p>Graham shrugged and backtracked a little. “Well, I’m sure it would still be fine if you joined us, but whatever you’re comfortable with.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Mr. Chase,” Sharon said politely. She never did get in the habit of using the man’s first name.</p>
<p>Just then Brian came over to speak to Graham, who had only moved a short distance from their table. </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you let me know that Angela was coming?” he asked in hushed tones. “You know how hard it is on Chase.”</p>
<p>“Well Patty only informed me about an hour ago, so I’m not exactly happy about it either, Brian,” Graham retorted.</p>
<p>“Oh sorry, I had no idea,” Brian told his father-in-law, to which Graham shrugged.</p>
<p>“Hey, you could always sneak out to sit with your friends instead,” Graham suggested as he motioned to the Vinovich table. Rayanne tried to duck down, but there wasn’t really anywhere she could hide.</p>
<p>“Is that guy your ex or something?” Chester asked tactlessly. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” Rayanne thought, “Chester’s a keeper.”</p>
<p>Brian walked over to the table. “Hello,” he said slowly. </p>
<p>As he greeted them he noted that like Sharon, Kyle looked very much as he remembered; maybe with a few lines around the eyes and a few extra pounds like his wife. Rayanne was definitely a surprise and he had no idea who her date was, but he didn’t appear to be her type.</p>
<p>“That’s quite the party going on back there,” commented Kyle with enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“Definitely more people than I was expecting,” Brian replied.</p>
<p>“If I had know you were coming with your kids we would have brought ours,” Sharon said hesitantly.</p>
<p>“Then this is a coincidence, right?” Brian really wanted to know. Sharon nodded, but Rayanne couldn’t look at him.</p>
<p>Brian’s stomach filled with butterflies as he let his eyes rest on Rayanne. She was looking more the way her remembered her. She was wearing tasteful makeup and her hair was done up in several braids twisted around one another. He couldn’t help but notice how her dress hugged her figure.</p>
<p>“Rayanne, can I talk to you for a minute?” Brian asked the top of her head as she continued to look at her lap. She knew if she didn’t oblige he would keep bothering her. So, she agreed and excused herself from the table. They went out the front entrance and around the side away from prying eyes.</p>
<p>“Emily hasn’t talked to me since you and I spoke,” Rayanne blurted defensively.</p>
<p>Brian leaned on the wall, like everything was too much for him. She couldn’t believe with all the years and the changes she saw in him, there was still so much the same. </p>
<p>“I honestly didn’t ask you out here to talk about Emily,” he told her as their gaze connected.</p>
<p>“Why then?” she asked searching his eyes for answers. He looked tired and sad. She started to wonder if he was depressed again. </p>
<p>“I needed to get out of there,” he told her with a sombre smile. “I didn’t even want to come in the first place...and now Angela is here.”</p>
<p>“Like you should be surprised to see her here at her parents’ restaurant,” she muttered mostly to herself as though caught between the here and now and a memory.</p>
<p>“With him...” he added, completing his own words from nearly fifteen years ago.</p>
<p>“You don’t mean...Jordan?” She gaped at him in disbelief. “Jordan Catalano is the musician Angela left you for!?” She felt sick at even the suggestion.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well who else would take her from me?” Brian said in a hollow faraway voice. </p>
<p>“No...no it’s not true!” Rayanne almost shouted. “You can’t be serious.”</p>
<p>She watched as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t do this. I thought I could, but it’s like history is repeating itself.” He composed himself, in that new fatherly way he had about him and continued, “I honestly believed that we could move here and I would find the familiarity comforting, but I was wrong. Everywhere I look there are ghosts of a life long left behind.”</p>
<p>Rayanne couldn’t stop herself, she put her arms around him and held him tightly. It was just like that first time on the diving board. She wanted to hold onto him so he knew he wasn’t alone. She expected he would push her away, but he didn’t. Brian wrapped his arms around her and held her just as tightly. </p>
<p>“Emily told me she knows who you are,” he said into her hair. “She told me she was hoping you would be a good friend for me.”</p>
<p>“How can she think that after you explained to her that I left her?” Rayanne said at a loss over the girl’s compassion. “I broke your heart.”</p>
<p>“And I broke yours,” Brian confessed in earnest. “We’re both to blame for what happened. Did I secretly wish that you had stayed in your daughter’s life? Of course I did, but you just couldn’t.”</p>
<p>Rayanne pulled away and started to cry. Brian referring to Emily as her daughter was too much. She gave up that right when she left him alone with his parents to take care of her. </p>
<p>“What are we going to do now?” she asked not expecting him to answer. As she took a tissue from her clutch and wiped her eyes, Rayanne caught a smile on Brian’s lips. “This is funny to you?” she asked him a little appalled by his reaction to her tears.</p>
<p>“No, I would never laugh at you,” Brian told her as he pointed to her little clutch. “I was laughing at that ridiculous excuse for a purse. What happened to the enormous, patchwork, monstrosity?”</p>
<p>“Oh my ‘Mary Poppins’ bag?” she chuckled despite herself. “Yeah, I lost that around the time that I discovered that me and coke are not friends,” she said plainly.</p>
<p>Brian couldn’t help his reaction at her frank revelation. He knew she meant coke the drug and not the cola. It was still such an abstract concept to him that her life had gone to such complete shit after they lost touch.</p>
<p>Rayanne saw the naked repulsion on her ex’s face and thought it was time to back off. “Sorry if that was upsetting,” she said quietly. “Sometimes, when I’m not at work, I forget to keep things PG.” She started to walk away from him.</p>
<p>Once he realized she was moving he followed her and caught her arm. “Wait,” Brian said as he forced her to stop. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I don’t want you to feel you have to hide who you are. Not with me, anyways,” he said sincerely.</p>
<p>“Then maybe we might be friends?” she wanted to know as she searched his eyes again for answers. </p>
<p>“I would like that,” he heard himself say. Brian supposed he was wrong when he told his daughter they didn’t need Rayanne. She was already helping him feel more normal than he had in a long while.</p>
<p>Rayanne suddenly felt self-conscious, as though he could bend down and kiss her in that moment. It was something she was far from ready to experience. So she plastered a big smile on her face and gently removed his hand from her arm. </p>
<p>“Good, now let’s get back in there. I’m starting to get hungry,” she said with enthusiasm. </p>
<p>Brian just shook his head at her and followed her back inside. He wasn’t sure he was ready, but he knew he couldn’t hide outside all night either.</p>
<p>For a moment Rayanne was hopeful that he would stay at their table, but then realized he was obligated to return to his children. Chester, Sharon informed her, had bowed out while she had been outside with Brian, unsure she was going to return.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p>Later, as they were paying their check, Angela came by the table to see Sharon and Kyle. Rayanne again tried to be as small as possible when her old, former best friend walked over.</p>
<p>“So good to see you two!” Angela thrilled at Sharon and Kyle and then she gave Sharon a big hug. “It’s been ages.” </p>
<p>Sharon felt a wave of resentment when she hugged her much slimmer friend. Angela, it seemed, still had that lithe dancer’s physique. She wore her natural blond hair in long locks cascading just past her shoulders.</p>
<p>Angela turned then and locked eyes with Rayanne. </p>
<p>“Hey, Rayanne. It is you. Sharon told me you two were still in touch. You work at the old high school now, right?” Angela’s words were so casual and carefree that Rayanne almost choked on her water.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s right,” she muttered, not knowing what else to say. Before she could think of anything, Jordan joined his girlfriend. He put an arm around her waist and smiled.</p>
<p>“Long time no see,” Jordan greeted the table. “You guys are like a time capsule or something,” he commented after a moment.</p>
<p>“Or something,” Sharon added through gritted teeth. </p>
<p>Not only was Angela gorgeous, but Jordan hadn’t aged a day. His hair was a little longer and his style had vastly improved, but otherwise he looked just as he had walking down the halls of Liberty High.</p>
<p>Kyle caught on quickly to his wife’s discomfort and started to make excuses about having to get home to the kids. </p>
<p>“We should get going. We have a sitter waiting for us,” Kyle said as he stood and helped Sharon with her shall. Rayanne marvelled at his consideration for his wife. It gave her the warm and fuzzies for the guy.</p>
<p>“Oh that’s too bad. Well, we should try to get together soon,” Angela told them. “With Brian and the kids living here there’s no reason not to.”</p>
<p>“Oh sure,” Rayanne thought to herself, “that’s why Brian moved back here; for your convenience.” She took a breath to push back any other snarky comments, then said out loud, “Maybe not too soon.” </p>
<p>It was honestly the nicest thing she could come up with, but Angela looked mildly offended. Jordan didn’t seem to catch on.</p>
<p>Once they were back in the car they could all three relax again. “That was super weird right?” It was Sharon who broke the silence first.</p>
<p>“That was fucked up,” sighed Kyle. Sharon hit her husband who was next to her in the driver’s seat. “It was! Don’t you think that watching someone else’s marriage fall apart in a public display of indifference is fucked up?” he explained loudly.</p>
<p>“On the nose Kyle, my man,” Rayanne chimed in. “God, Brian was a mess. And now I know why.”</p>
<p>“How can Angela think it’s okay to parade around, in front of her children no less, with the man who destroyed their family?” Kyle was obviously not done expressing his concern.</p>
<p>“Kyle calm down,” Sharon said defensively. “We don’t know every side to this story.”</p>
<p>“Babe, here’s the take away and then I’ll shut up about it,” he told her in a more rational tone to which his wife nodded. “If you ever pull something like that on me, I’ll kill you. I don’t care how in public we are.”</p>
<p>“Aw, sweetie...I would never, ever do that to you,” she soothed him. “I’m a lifer; you won’t ever be rid of me. Not to any other man at least,” she said and then kissed her husband’s hand. Kyle smiled with satisfaction.</p>
<p>Rayanne just shook her head at them. As she recalled, even with the multiple breakups in high school, neither one ever dated other people. Sharon and Kyle always seemed to come back to each other. It was kind of romantic; in an insane way. And now Angela was back with Jordan after nearly fifteen years. She didn’t think that was quite as romantic as it was insane.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Monday morning was fairly ordinary. Rayanne poured herself a cup of mediocre coffee in the teacher’s lounge and joined Sharon at their usual table. Her friend was already conversing with one of their colleagues; Scott Arden.</p>
<p>Scott was their newest English teacher. He had also gone to Liberty High with them and had even dated their friend Rickie for a while. After a fairly successful amateur wrestling career and unfortunate shoulder injury he shifted focus.</p>
<p>It never failed to make Rayanne smile when she watched the single female teachers fall over themselves to get the man’s attention. He was, after all, the most attractive male teacher in the school. Maybe even the district.</p>
<p>“Hey Scottie,” Rayanne interjected with a sly smile, “I think Ms. Briggs is checking you out again.”</p>
<p>“Stop being so ridiculous, Bliss,” Sharon chided with a dismissive air. “It isn’t Scott’s fault that they want his attention.”</p>
<p>“Well, maybe it is,” Scott offered with a chuckle, “I do work really hard to look this good. I mean, I don’t really mind it.”</p>
<p>“Wow, when did you get so conceited?” asked Rayanne as she sipped her coffee. Scott just laughed more at her remark.</p>
<p>“God, do you remember when Mr. Katimski started at Liberty? I think he had the same problem,” Sharon mused, mostly to herself.</p>
<p>“That’s right...now that was weird. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a sweet man, but how sad were those ladies?” Rayanne rambled as she recalled the absurdity of it.</p>
<p>“Shy, stutter stricken Katimski?” Scott asked with disbelief. “How did I miss that? Poor guy.”</p>
<p>“And it’s not like he could advertise that he was taken,” Sharon added after a moment. “There was no understanding back then.”</p>
<p>“Hey Scott are you taken?” Rayanne asked with a dramatic flare at a volume that could be heard by anyone listening.</p>
<p>Scott fixed the woman with a glare and shook his head. “Why, do you know someone?” he asked reluctantly.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t exactly an answer,” she teased back.</p>
<p>“So you saw the infamous Jordan Catalano last night?” Scott said desperate to change the subject. “I heard he’s really making a name for himself in Europe.”</p>
<p>“It was so strange, seeing him be so casual,” Sharon told him. “He was almost—I don’t know—normal.”</p>
<p>“Aw, no broodiness, or mystery?” Scott asked mock disappointment.</p>
<p>“No dramatic leaning either,” Sharon laughed. “Right, Rayanne?”</p>
<p>Only Rayanne wasn’t listening. The mention of Jordan made her remember Brian pulling her outside and the moment they shared. She suddenly regretted not saying goodbye at the end of the night. Angela and Jordan had distracted them. </p>
<p>“Rayanne?” Her friend called her name again. </p>
<p>“Sorry what were you saying?” Rayanne asked as she felt her face flush.</p>
<p>“I hope that blush isn’t because of Jordan,” Scott said as he pulled a face.</p>
<p>“Oh, no...that’s a Krakow blush,” Sharon teased knowingly. “I knew you two shouldn’t have gone off alone together.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” Scott said with a broad smile. “He still giving you all the good feels?”</p>
<p>“Oh please. We’re adults now. Can we act like them?” Rayanne said waving off the insinuation that anything happened.</p>
<p>“Never...I never want to act like an adult,” Scott sighed. “Then I’d have to admit that I’m thirty and single and childless.”</p>
<p>“Well I’m sure that any one of the lovely single staffers would be more than happy to help you with that particular problem,” retorted Rayanne.</p>
<p>“No doubt,” he said with a wink. “You don’t know of any single like-minded men, do you?”</p>
<p>“Sadly you are Liberty’s token hot gay and I have no other social life these days,” Rayanne told him with an exaggerated sigh. “Did Sharon tell you how gorgeous and thin Angela was? I would kill to have her figure,” she added as an after thought.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she might have mentioned something,” Scott said sympathetically as he placed a hand on Sharon’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“It’s not fair. She gets to go off and travel and be beautiful and carefree...” Sharon grumbled into her mug.</p>
<p>“And desert her husband and children,” Rayanne said finishing her sentence.</p>
<p>“I just don’t understand how she could do that,” huffed Sharon. Then the science teacher sat back and thought on it some more.</p>
<p>“When she started to help take care of that little baby I was worried that she was getting attached for all the wrong reasons. I was worried she would fall in love with Emily and not Brian. But then it was like they fell in love in a different way,” she continued unconcerned with Rayanne’s feelings on the subject. “I used to think we were so alike after that; putting family first. And she was such a great support when I got pregnant in my last year of college. Angela was the one who helped me realize I should just marry Kyle and get on with our lives together.”</p>
<p>“Well, I for one am very glad you married that big-hearted jock. It’s Chase I feel bad for,” Rayanne said solemnly. “He’s practically still a baby.”</p>
<p>“Okay, maybe now I’m happy that I’m still single and childless,” Scott said trying to lighten the mood. “Thanks girls; you’ve really put things into perspective for me.”</p>
<p>The two women looked at their friend and couldn’t help but laugh. They must have sounded like crazy sentimental old women to him, despite being the same age.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brian stared at his phone. He barely slept the night before after he’d been forced to spend the evening with his wife. </p>
<p>Angela had asked him to go through his old negatives to see if he still had any of Jordan from that time he’d taken photos of him and his garage band. He decided it was a bad idea and he was trying to decide whether or not to make the call to tell her as much. Distractedly, he looked out the kitchen window instead.</p>
<p>Emily was outside with Chase. The teen was running along side her brother as he rode his little trike up and down the block. It made the man smile; he’d watched Angela do the exact same thing with Emily the summer before he’d proposed to her. Even though she’d gone away to college she still came home as often as possible to be with them.</p>
<p>He stared at his phone again and something tightened in his chest. He shook it off and was resolved to call her. However, before he could dial, the phone rang in his hand. The call display showed a New York area code. Thinking it could be Angela, he answered.</p>
<p>“Hello?” Brian asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>“Hi, is this Mister I think I’ll just pick up and move back to middle-America-nowhere-vile without telling my best friend?” Came the accusatory question from the other end of the line.</p>
<p>“Rickie?” Brian asked with a chuckle, his anxiety already fading. “You can’t be serious? I know I told you I was moving back to Three Rivers.”</p>
<p>“No...you said you were thinking about it,” Rickie corrected him. “You never said you were definitely doing it. In fact I am fairly certain I told you it was a terrible idea.”</p>
<p>“Well that was over a month ago,” Brian said as he sat down at the table.</p>
<p>“I know, I know. I’ve been busy,” Rickie said with a small amount of guilt. “What can I say? I’m in demand.”</p>
<p>“Which is great,” he told him in earnest. “I’m glad you’re doing well.”</p>
<p>“I’m doing so well that I have two assistants! Two!” Rickie said excitedly. “But I tell you the more people working for you means more people you have to keep track of.”</p>
<p>“But they’re your assistants?” Brian said with confusion. “Don’t they jump when you say jump?”</p>
<p>“Until some celebrity steals their attention. Then I’m left saying jump to nobody,” Rickie lamented. Brian couldn’t help but laugh at the image in his mind.</p>
<p>“I guess that’s Broadway,” he surmised. </p>
<p>“Hey I love being a stage manager...I even get to try my hand at personal stylist every now and then, but I did not sign up to babysit my crew. Least of all my assistants,” Rickie said as continued to complain.</p>
<p>“So is that why you called me?” Brian asked his friend a little unsure. “To chew me out and vent about your job?”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that always why I call you?” Rickie teased sardonically. Then after a beat he added, “I heard from a little birdie that you’re talking to Rayanne again.”</p>
<p>“Let me guess; Sharon called you?” Brian asked with a grimace his friend couldn’t see, but heard in his tone.</p>
<p>“Actually, Sharon told Delia and Delia told me,” Rickie confessed off-handed. “I haven’t talked to Sharon in ages. It’s even been a while since I talked to Rayanne.”</p>
<p>“Wow, you still talk to Delia Fisher?” He asked unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.</p>
<p>“And she still thinks you’re awful,” Rickie chuckled.</p>
<p>“Good thing I don’t care what she thinks,” Brian retorted and then shook his head. This conversation was starting to feel like high school all over again.</p>
<p>“Well, if you care what I think...I just want to say that Rayanne is bad news,” Rickie said frankly. “I mean, she’s doing okay, or whatever, but you should keep your distance. Especially if there is any chance that you could reconcile with Angela.”</p>
<p>“There is no chance,” Brian said tersely. “Believe me I’ve tried.”</p>
<p>“Funny, when I talked to her the other day she was talking about going down to surprise you,” his friend told him with obvious concern.</p>
<p>“Oh she surprised me alright,” he huffed, his chest tightening again at the memory of Jordan’s arm around his wife. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”</p>
<p>“I know she still loves you, Brian,” Rickie said with honest sincerity.</p>
<p>“Look, I know you mean well, but you need to stop,” Brian said as kindly as possible.</p>
<p>“I just think if you give her some time...” Rickie started to say but was cut off.</p>
<p>“Rickie don’t. Just don’t,” he interrupted angrily. “The way she’s treated me—it’s actually easier to believe she doesn’t love me.”</p>
<p>“Brian, I’m sorry,” Rickie said softly in the other end. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said a little calmer. “Look I should go...I need to check on the kids,” he added as an excuse to end their conversation.</p>
<p>“Sure, of course. Take care of yourself and those kids...and I swear I’ll try to call again soon,” Rickie told him with a touch of regret.</p>
<p>“Thanks Rickie,” Brian said . </p>
<p>As he hung up the receiver, he stared at it again. At least now his mind was made up. He couldn’t bring himself to call Angela now. He was exhausted and felt too dejected and hurt after talking about her with Rickie. He took a few steadying breaths before he went out the front door to see what his children were up to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things take a turn.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for darker themes; depression, drug use and mention of self harm.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>......</p>
<p>On Tuesday, Rayanne stayed late to finish up her notes following an incident between to footballers at tryouts the day before. One boy was sent to the hospital with a possible concussion. The coach tried to pass it off as a simple hazard of the game, but there had been an obvious rivalry between the two boys and now the principal and both sets of parents were involved.</p>
<p>Just as she was ready to head to out the door her phone rang. Like most departments Rayanne had her own line. She was unsure who would be calling her since it was almost five o’clock.</p>
<p>“Hello, Rayanne Bliss speaking,” she chirped as she lifted the receiver to her ear.</p>
<p>“Rayanne, it’s Emily...Emily Krakow,” the girl said with a touch of nervous energy.</p>
<p>“Why are you calling Emily? Can’t this wait until school tomorrow?” She asked with concern.</p>
<p>“It’s my dad,” Emily said quietly, so maybe he wouldn’t hear her. “There’s something wrong with him.”</p>
<p>Rayanne stood still for a moment and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. “Listen to me carefully, Emily,” she told her in her authoritative councillor voice, “if this is a medical emergency you need to hang up right now and call 9-1-1. Do you understand?”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t think so...I don’t know,” she told her as her voice trembled. </p>
<p>“Describe what is happening,” Rayanne continued trying not to lose her cool. “What is your dad doing, or not doing that has you concerned?”</p>
<p>“He’s sitting in the basement, staring at the wall,” Emily said slowly. “I tried to talk to him, but it’s like he’s not there. Not like he can’t hear me, but like he’s just not there.”</p>
<p>Rayanne’s mind raced. He could have had a stroke for all she knew. “How long has he been down in the basement?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” said the girl who was starting to cry. Rayanne had heard enough. She decided to race over and see what was happening. She could be there in ten minutes.</p>
<p>Emily met her at the door and started to tell her that she haded’t even known he was home. </p>
<p>“I came home from school and started doing my homework,” the blond girl explained as they made their way through the house. “Then I realized I hadn’t heard my dad come in with my brother yet and went to search the house to see if maybe I just hadn’t noticed them.”</p>
<p>They went down the basement stairs and found Brian sitting on the floor by a box that was full of old photos. Several were on the floor in front of him. They looked like they were from his high school days.</p>
<p>“That’s where I found him,” Emily said as Rayanne observed the scene.</p>
<p>There was little else in this area of the basement. It didn’t look like he’d had a fall and he was still blinking. She knelt down next to him and gathered the photos to move them out of the way. Next she took his pulse. He flinched a little at her touch, but his pulse felt normal.</p>
<p>“Brian?” Rayanne said softly, as she removed his glasses. “Hey Brian...why are you on the floor?” She placed one hand on each of his shoulders and looked into his face. His eyes looked unfocused. She dared to touch his neck and face next. It was as though his whole body was vibrating. The man gave her a look of confusion when she turned him toward her.</p>
<p>“Brian, can you hear me?” she said as softly as before. He continued to look at her, but seemed to be disconnected. Rayanne stole a glance at Emily who was standing a few feet away.</p>
<p>“Emily I need you to go upstairs and look in your father’s medicine cabinet, okay? He might have some medication in there and we need to know what it is,” she directed her calmly, but firmly.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Emily said in protest, “my dad isn’t on medication.”</p>
<p>“I would still really like you to go have a look, okay?” she told her again. The girl did as she was asked. While she was gone Rayanne checked his pulse again and then grabbed a nearby blanket to cover him. </p>
<p>“Brian, can you talk to me, please?” she begged him. “I really need you to snap out of this.” She tried to get him to look at her again. “Is this something you took too much of, or forgot to take?” she asked mostly herself. “If I can’t figure this out with your help I’m gonna have to call for help and that could get messy.” </p>
<p>He didn’t give her any clues, so as a last resort she sat back on her heels and slapped him hard across the face. Brian instantly put a hand to his face. </p>
<p>“Did you feel that?” she asked with concern. He now looked less lost and more agitated.</p>
<p>“Yes...Did you just slap me?” he asked her quietly.</p>
<p>“It worked didn’t it?” she informed him with a frown. </p>
<p>“You’re actually here?” he said with some confusion. </p>
<p>She took his hand and squeezed it to prove to him she was physically with him, not just imagined by his mind. She felt him squeeze back and took it as a good sign.</p>
<p>Then Emily came back downstairs and handed Rayanne several bottles. There were the usual run of the mill things like Tylenol, a multivitamin, and an anti-histamine. There was also a bottle of some fancy named Valium derivative and a second anti-depressant she didn’t recognize. The one that freaked her out the most was the bottle of prescription sleeping pills with Angela’s name on it.</p>
<p>“Why do you have this?” She asked in quiet outrage as she showed Brian his wife’s pills. “What the hell are you thinking?”</p>
<p>“Where did you get those?” he asked in horror, still mildly disoriented.</p>
<p>“He’s talking,” Emily said from behind her father. He turned to see his daughter standing there obviously upset.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Brian asked as he started to try to stand, but was too unsteady.</p>
<p>“Hey easy there,” Rayanne soothed as she tried to calm him down again. “Your daughter came home to find you unresponsive and staring at a wall. That’s what’s going on. Do you want to share with us what cocktail you mixed up before you took your trip down memory lane?” She said as she indicated the box of photos that was now pushed to the side.</p>
<p>“I d-didn’t...I d-don’t know ww-what you’re talking about,” he stuttered.</p>
<p>“Brian, I know a bad trip when I see one,” she scolded him for lying. “Tell me what the fuck is going on, or I’m going to have to call child protective services on you and I really don’t want to do that,” she said raising her voice. She was done trying to candy coat the situation.</p>
<p>“Where’s Chase?” Emily blurted with renewed concern.</p>
<p>Her father held his head in his hands. “One thing...just one thing at time,” he said as he struggled to keep up with them. “Chase is fine. He’s with Gramma Patty,” he said as tried to focus for the first time. “Look I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I’ve been having trouble sleeping.”</p>
<p>“Well you’ll sleep forever if you keep this up,” Rayanne said with a touch of venom, shaking the bottle of sleeping pills. </p>
<p>“That’s not what happened,” Brian shot back tersely. Then she recognized something in him as he hugged his legs and started to rock ever so slightly.</p>
<p>“Okay, let’s just say I believe you for a minute,” she said slowly. “Let’s go back to these medications. Did you forget to take one?”</p>
<p>“I’m not taking anything,” he muttered into his knees.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with him?” Emily asked as she sat next to her father.</p>
<p>Rayanne decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he hadn’t taken anything, which could be just as bad if he should have been.</p>
<p>“He might have had a panic attack, or some other stress induced episode,” Rayanne said with some uncertainty. “If it were something else he wouldn’t be talking to us.” Rayanne started rubbing circles on the man’s back. “Has this happened before?” she asked them both.</p>
<p>Emily shook her head and then hugged her father around the shoulders. “He gets headaches sometimes, but he’s never been like this.”</p>
<p>“The night Angela told me...” Brian quietly confessed as he trembled. “After she left I didn’t sleep for a few days. I guess I just sat on the bed one night and didn’t move again until Chase got me the next morning.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rayanne breathed as she absorbed what he was telling her. It was as she’d feared. “Do you think you need to see a doctor? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” she asked Brian slowly so she knew he would catch the gravity of her concern.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t think that’s necessary,” he said with a shake of his head. “I just need to get some sleep...and I really hate hospitals.” </p>
<p>“Okay, then here’s what is going to happen,” Rayanne started to say as she formulated the best course of action. “Emily I want you to call your grandparents and tell them your dad has a stomach bug. It’s just a white lie to keep Chase at their house tonight,” she explained and the girl nodded.</p>
<p>“While you do that I’m going to get your dad up to bed; we’ll get some food into him and then he can sleep.” Rayanne reached over and picked up the other bottles of medication. “Then I’m going to call his doctor and arrange for an assessment ASAP so we can get things under control again.” </p>
<p>Emily stood unmoving for a moment and stared at her. “You’re going to stay tonight, aren’t you?” Rayanne stood up and hugged the girl.</p>
<p>“Unless you want to call someone else to come over?” she asked flatly. Emily shook her head. “You can call your mother, you know,” Rayanne told her after a beat.</p>
<p>“I think she went back to New York,” Emily said with a bit of hesitation. “I don’t want her to know.”</p>
<p>“Well she’s going to find out eventually,” Rayanne rationalized.</p>
<p>“But what if she tries to take us away?” Emily blurted with a new wave of distress.</p>
<p>“If your dad is being treated and shows that he’s being responsible it’ll be fine,” she reassured her. “Now if she had come here today instead of me that might have been a different story.”</p>
<p>Emily seemed to get a hold of herself again and went up to call her grandparents as she was instructed. They of course were delighted to keep their grandson overnight.</p>
<p>Rayanne slowly helped Brian up and together they made their way to his bedroom. She helped him out of his clothes and into some pyjamas. He was more present, but exhausted and accepted her help without argument. </p>
<p>Emily joined them in his room. She was carrying her father’s glasses and a chocolate shake. She told Rayanne that it was one of those meal replacement types. They kept the mix in the house from when she had a tooth extracted earlier that year. Rayanne thought it odd that he would pack something like that to bring in the move, but was grateful as it would do the trick.</p>
<p>Once Brian was settled, his daughter sat with him while Rayanne called the phone number on the most recent of the pill vials. When she was finished her call she returned to the bedroom to fill them in on the next steps.</p>
<p>“So we should hear back from a colleague of your doctor from New York sometime tomorrow,” Rayanne told Brian as she smoothed his hair in a maternal manner. “In the meantime, he advises that if you are not feeling yourself by tomorrow morning you should take one of these,” she said as she showed him the Valium. He nodded without a word, already half asleep.</p>
<p>Rayanne went back downstairs to find something for them to eat for dinner. It was now past six o’clock and she didn’t want Emily to be neglected. She found some pirogies ready to cook in the fridge. She smiled at the memories she had of his mother serving them to her for the first time. Of course Brian was lactose intolerant so they hadn’t had any cheese in them.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Emily asked her as she entered the kitchen. Rayanne managed a smile as she fixed the girl a plate.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me, I’m pretty tough,” she told her with a wink. “I’m sorry I got so mad for a minute there. I just couldn’t stand the thought of Brian, your dad, hooked on sleeping pills. I’ve struggled with addiction most of my life and I would never want that for him.”</p>
<p>“Is that why you slipped them into your pocket?” the teen said without too much judgement.</p>
<p>Rayanne pulled them out and stared at them. “I put them in my pocket so I could get them out of your house,” she explained. “I honestly don’t want to be around them either, but if your dad is depressed I can’t leave them where he could take them.”</p>
<p>“Do you think he might hurt himself?” Emily asked as she stared into her plate.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t think so,” she said trying to defuse the girl’s fears. “I think he’s just exhausted and messed up his brain chemistry a little.”</p>
<p>“But he did...before,” his daughter said sadly.</p>
<p>“I don’t think he meant to then either,” Rayanne said frankly as she moved next to her and put an arm around her. “It’s strange...seeing him this afternoon like that. It was like a dissociative episode. I almost wonder if that’s what he was like when he...” she said trailing off, not wanting to scare Emily further.</p>
<p>“Slit his wrist,” Emily said completing her thought.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she concurred studying the girl. Rayanne felt that Emily was so young, but so grown up. Maybe it was unfair to ask so much of her, but so far she seemed to be handling it. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked after a beat.</p>
<p>“Sure, I mean, I think so,” Emily rambled, “I think that maybe I’m a little angry that my dad didn’t come to me. I mean, he’s always encouraging me to share everything with him. Is that wrong?”</p>
<p>“No kiddo, you’re allowed to be a little angry. It doesn’t mean you love him any less,” Rayanne said giving her shoulder a squeeze.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what I would have done without you today,” Emily confessed as she leaned her head on Rayanne’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You would have called an ambulance,” Rayanne scoffed. “Just promise in the future you will call 9-1-1 first? Promise?”</p>
<p>“I promise,” Emily conceded and hugged her.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p>Late that night Rayanne got up from where she’d fallen asleep next to Emily in her bed. It was so strange and yet so natural to be needed by the girl—her girl. </p>
<p>Quietly, she left the room and went to check on Brian. As she stuck her head in the door she could tell he was awake. </p>
<p>“Did you get some sleep?” she asked nervously as she stepped into the room. He nodded and gave her a smile, though it was difficult to tell in the low light.</p>
<p>“Come sit for a minute,” he whispered as he patted the bed. She did as he asked and sat on the edge beside him.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” Rayanne asked with some concern.</p>
<p>“Much better...you’re a lifesaver,” he said with gratitude. “I mean it. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember why you down in the basement?” she asked with curiosity.</p>
<p>“I went looking for some negatives, but all I found were old photos,” he told her with a frown. “I knew better than to look through those pictures...”</p>
<p>“I should have seen the signs before,” she chided herself. “I was so nervous when we talked on Sunday night that I failed to realize you were already in a downward spiral.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do that,” Brian said as he took her hand in his. “This is not your fault. This is my fault.” He paused for a moment then added, “Thank you for being there for Emily. I never would have forgiven myself if she had been alone.”</p>
<p>“She was alone,” Rayanne told him. “I still can’t believe she called me.” She swiped a hand over her face, she was so tired and emotionally raw. “Is this what being a parent is like?” She asked with a groan.</p>
<p>“Twenty-four-seven,” he told her. She groaned again and lay down next to him, flat on her back. He couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re not going to stay there are you?” he asked her only half joking.</p>
<p>“Why? Didn’t you always sleep better with someone next to you?” Rayanne said without thinking. Then he caught her eye and he was staring at her. “I’ll go...I’m going.” She retreated.</p>
<p>“No stay,” he whispered. “I’m too tired to chase after you...please just stay.”</p>
<p>Rayanne had her reservations, but relented and got under the covers next to him. At least she could be contented by the fact that Angela had never been in this bed with him. </p>
<p>“This is a little weird,” she confessed with a giggle. </p>
<p>“Good, it’s not just me,” he said with a yawn and then turned on his side to face his new bedmate.</p>
<p>After a beat, Brian dared to reach over and push a strand of hair away from her eyes. He let his hand rest by her temple for a moment; as if needing to know she was really there with him. Rayanne put her hand over his and then brought it to her lips so she could kiss his palm.</p>
<p>“I found one of your old ‘hidden’ photos. You know the ones you would take in the middle of my roll?” he explained, feeling more open to her. “It just hurt so much to look at it. You were so beautiful and I just loved you so much.”</p>
<p>She continued to hold his hand and she could tell he was trying not to cry. It was her turn to reach out and caress his cheek. “I’m so sorry. If I could go back and do it differently, I would.” She meant every word even if it was impossible.</p>
<p>Rayanne hated how much her heart ached at being so physically and emotionally close to him. Part of her had never stopped loving him. Even in his current damaged state she just couldn’t get herself to believe she was worthy of him.</p>
<p>They continued to hold hands, but nothing else. She watched him in the dark as he fell back to sleep and she smiled sadly to herself. Maybe this time she was ready. Maybe she had finally grown up enough to be there for him. </p>
<p>......</p>
<p>In the morning, Brian woke to what felt like a bad hang-over. He looked at the empty space beside him in the bed and wondered if he’d dreamt his late night visit from Rayanne. But then he smelled her distinct shampoo on the pillowcase and felt more at ease.</p>
<p>After visiting the bathroom and splashing some cold water on his face, Brian made his way downstairs. He found Emily in the kitchen with Rayanne and stood back to quietly observe them for a while. He marvelled at how easy they were together, as though they had known each other for years.</p>
<p>Rayanne was showing his daughter how to make an omelet. Emily watched as the woman skillfully flipped it in the skillet like a pancake. </p>
<p>“It never does that for me,” Emily said as she watched her do it a second time.</p>
<p>“It’s all in the wrist,” Rayanne boasted, “and you have to remember to lift it off with a spatula first, or it won’t work at all.”</p>
<p>Just then Emily noticed her father in the doorway; she smiled brightly and went over to give him a hug. “Morning,” the girl greeted him affectionately. “How are you?”</p>
<p>“I’m doing better I think,” he said as he hugged her back. “You two have been busy.”</p>
<p>“Hope you’re hungry ‘cause we made lots,” Rayanne told him over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m starving,” he confessed and adjusted his glasses. “Thank you for staying.”</p>
<p>Rayanne gave him a shy half grin and turned off the stovetop. Just as they were about to sit at the table and eat the phone rang in the hall. Emily ran to get it, leaving the two adults alone for a moment.</p>
<p>“It was so strange having you in bed with me last night. Waking up to your floral scent this morning,” he told her softly as he came up behind her and tentatively placed his arms around her shoulders—hugging her back to his front. “I’d forgotten what that was like.”</p>
<p>Rayanne closed her eyes and indulged in his affection for a moment; a part of her too nervous to turn and face him. Nervous that she might say the wrong thing. With her eyes closed it felt like she was sixteen again and his parents might walk in and catch them at any moment.</p>
<p>It wasn’t his parents, but his daughter who walked in and broke the spell. “Gramma Patty wants to talk to you,” she informed her father after clearing her throat. The blond girl was grinning from ear to ear. </p>
<p>“Excuse me for a second,” he told Rayanne and walked out to get the call. She watched him leave and wagged a finger at Emily.</p>
<p>“Don’t you be getting any ideas,” she told the girl. “That was just because your dad is feeling better; which is good. It doesn’t mean anything.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, of course it doesn’t,” Emily mocked, “because my dad is super physical with all of his friends.”</p>
<p>“Emily, please just leave it alone,” Rayanne pleaded not wanting to get own hopes up. She knew his euphoria could just be a side-effect of his stress and anxiety subsiding. </p>
<p>“Okay fine, I won’t say another word,” she pouted. “But I saw what I saw,” she added with a smirk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some gossip is had. Once again My So Called Life is not mine :(<br/>Thank you to anyone still reading this story!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rayanne met up with Sharon and Scott for lunch on the following Saturday. She had already discretely filled Sharon in on what had happened with Brian. They decided to wander around the downtown shops after their meal and enjoy the afternoon.</p>
<p>“So I was thinking that maybe I would talk to Brian about getting our boys together for play dates,” Sharon said off hand as they were leaving the cafe. </p>
<p>“I think that’s a great idea,” Rayanne mused. “You could start your own little parental support group.”</p>
<p>“I thought you weren’t getting involved with Brian this time?” Scott asked Rayanne with understandable confusion. “I thought you were adamant that was all in the past.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to get involved, but then I was kind of pulled in by his daughter,” she winced.</p>
<p>“Oh please, just say it like it is,” he lamented with a roll of his eyes. “Your daughter needed you and you just couldn’t say no.”</p>
<p>“Why are you so annoyed, Arden?” Sharon asked with a touch of concern.</p>
<p>“I’m not...okay maybe I am,” he sighed. “I just really don’t look forward to the drama that will undoubtedly follow if Rayanne tries to have a relationship with this guy again.” </p>
<p>“Thanks for your vote of confidence,” Rayanne said sarcastically. </p>
<p>“Look, just remember all your hard work and don’t live in the past,” Scott told her.</p>
<p>“I think you missed your calling as a life coach,” Sharon said with a chuckle.</p>
<p>“It’s okay Scottie, I really don’t want to live in the past. I am actually thankful that I literally can’t remember most of the really shitty bits,” Rayanne said with sincerity. “But you’re right. Maybe because Emily is my actual flesh and blood I feel obligated to be there for her.”</p>
<p>“Then be there for her and let Sharon be there for Brian,” Scott added with a knowing air.</p>
<p>“He has a point. Even if you’ve moved on, Brian is newly separated and super vulnerable,” Sharon offered.</p>
<p>“I guess I can see that,” Rayanne began to agree and then noticed that Scott had stopped walking with them a few steps back. “I was agreeing with you Scott. Why did you stop?”</p>
<p>“You two aren’t going into the ‘Veneer’ gallery are you?” he asked, looking a little pale.</p>
<p>“We were thinking about it,” Sharon said as she titled her head at his odd behaviour. “It’s just on the next block. Why?”</p>
<p>“Look, I think I’ll take off. Thanks for lunch,” Scott told his friends and started to retreat in the other direction.</p>
<p>“What was that about?” Rayanne blurted as watched the man walk away.</p>
<p>“Oh, do you think he’s worried that Corey will be there today?” Sharon asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>“Oh my God, seriously? And he’s all up in my business about living in the past,” Rayanne retorted. </p>
<p>The two women walked into the small gallery space and looked around to see if their friend was working. Rayanne spotted him at the back. He was talking to a heavy set, middle aged man about the abstract painting closest to them.</p>
<p>“And you are certain this is not a nude figure?” They could hear the man ask with uncertainty. </p>
<p>“I can say that without a doubt it is not,” Corey Helfrick said as he thoughtfully examined the piece. “But in all honesty, sir, if you aren’t sure about the piece I can show you others.”</p>
<p>“My wife is set on this artist,” grumbled the man. “Do you have more of his work?”</p>
<p>“I do,” he started to say as he caught sight of his friends. “Why don’t I have my assistant show you some other works upstairs?” </p>
<p>The man nodded and Corey waved over an attractive young woman all in black. She guided the customer to the stairs and they disappeared to the second level.</p>
<p>“Hello ladies,” he greeted them warmly. “Are you here to browse, or just to offer me an over-due distraction?”</p>
<p>“Hey Corey, you look good,” Rayanne told him as she gave him a quick hug.</p>
<p>“Thanks, as do you,” he said flirtatiously.</p>
<p>“We’re just a distraction, I’m afraid,” Sharon said as she tried to figure out what the painting depicted. The title only said ‘untitled’. “What is it anyways?”</p>
<p>“Honestly? It’s just a bunch of abstract flowers,” he said with a nod. “But if you tilt your head to the left it looks like a couple having sex with their limbs intertwined.”</p>
<p>Rayanne and Sharon both tilted their heads as he suggested and simultaneously raised their eye brows. Not only was this couple having sex, but they were in the deepest throws of passion.</p>
<p>“Did the artist intend to have that imagery?” Sharon said a little shocked by what she saw.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” Corey replied with a sly smile. Sharon laughed shyly and blushed a little.</p>
<p>“Ignore her. She’s very happy homemaker these days,” Rayanne said in defence of her friend.</p>
<p>“Um excuse me, but I am not as sheltered as you think,” Sharon shot back and then tilted her head again to re-examine the painting.</p>
<p>“What brings you by?” Corey asked out of curiosity.</p>
<p>“We were just at lunch with a mutual friend and thought we would stop in,” Rayanne told him.</p>
<p>“Anyone I know?” He asked with interest.</p>
<p>“Do you remember Scott Arden?” Rayanne asked waiting to catch the man’s reaction.</p>
<p>“No, should I?” he replied.</p>
<p>“Really, you don’t remember Scott? Rickie’s first boyfriend, Scott?” It was Sharon who asked the question this time.</p>
<p>“Vaguely. He was on the football team or something, right?” </p>
<p>“Wrestling team,” Sharon corrected. “You really don’t remember him?”</p>
<p>“I guess I’ve known a lot of people and it’s been a lot of years since high school. Sorry,” he retorted with honesty.</p>
<p>“Do you ever see Rickie anymore?” Rayanne asked with concern.</p>
<p>“We were really close until a few years ago,” he said with a shrug. “I got the gallery here in town and Enrique got his break on Broadway. We just don’t have the time, I guess.” </p>
<p>Corey could tell he was disappointing his old friends. He decided to shift focus. “Tell me how things have been with you two. Sharon, how are your boys?”</p>
<p>“They’re great. They’re loud and rowdy like their dad,” she said with a laugh. </p>
<p>“They sounds like a handful. Now Kyle was on the football team, right?” he asked unsure if he was once again mistaken.</p>
<p>“That’s right,” she said a little amazed that he’d remembered her husband’s name. “I don’t suppose you remember Brian Krakow?” she asked after a moment.</p>
<p>“Sharon what are you doing?” Rayanne whined.</p>
<p>“Sure, that guy was a mess. He married Angela, didn’t he?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he sure did,” Rayanne concurred with a grumble.</p>
<p>“She could have done so much better,” he added with a dismissive wave of his hand.</p>
<p>“I suppose Angela would agree since they’re getting divorced,” Rayanne informed him. </p>
<p>“Well good for her,” Corey added without realizing that he was saying anything off colour.</p>
<p>Sharon saw the look of hurt in Rayanne’s eyes and decided that they had over stayed their welcome. </p>
<p>“You know it was nice seeing you Corey, but I think we need to get going,” she said as kindly as possible.</p>
<p>“Right, got to get back to those rowdy boys,” he said with a chuckle.</p>
<p>“Exactly,” she agreed and turned to go. “Rayanne?”</p>
<p>Something caught Rayanne’s eye on the back wall. She ignored Sharon and walked closer to a medium sized male nude in oils. The man was turned with his back to the viewer and only part of his face could be seen. She noted the tattoo that was barely distinguishable on the model’s right shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’m coming,” Rayanne answered when Sharon called her a second time. “Bye Core,” she added as she walked swiftly by and gave Corey a wave as they left the gallery.</p>
<p>“What was that about?” Sharon asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>“That painting at the back was done by Corey,” she informed her companion in hushed tones. </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me? I would love to see his work,” Sharon complained.</p>
<p>“Sharon...it was Scott,” she giggled.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Sharon clearly wasn’t following.</p>
<p>“Corey was lying through his teeth. He knows exactly who Scott is and I think that’s why Scott took off on us earlier,” Rayanne elaborated, barely able to contain her glee.</p>
<p>“You mean Corey and Scott..?” Sharon started to put the pieces together. “Wow!”</p>
<p>“I know right!” Rayanne thrilled. She suddenly felt much better about her life. </p>
<p>“We shouldn’t jump to any conclusions...I mean, so Scott modelled for Corey. It doesn’t prove anything,” rationalized Sharon.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but his out right denial speaks volumes,” she concluded.</p>
<p>“How did you know it was Scott?” Her friend wasn’t as sure. </p>
<p>“Scott has a tattoo on his right shoulder of the tree of life. He got it after he sustained his injury. It’s very distinct...I should know. I designed it,” Rayanne elaborated.</p>
<p>“Are you serious? How did I not know that? Maybe I thought Dorian did it. I guess you’d know you’re own work,” Sharon said finally understanding how she could make the assumption.</p>
<p>“There’s no way my ex inked it. I don’t think they ever met. But that is for sure my design,” she concurred.</p>
<p>“I still don’t see why they would be avoiding each other,” Sharon wondered.</p>
<p>“Maybe it ended badly. I know once I’m done with a guy I don’t like running into him if I can help it,” Rayanne mused.</p>
<p>“Then don’t sleep with Brian. He’s basically everywhere you go now,” Sharon grumbled.</p>
<p>“Fine. I get it!” she shot back defensively. It would seem that everyone was against the idea of them as a couple.</p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the coming weeks Brian got back into a therapy program and started on a new medication. Emily was allowed to switch to the visual art class she wanted to take. Rayanne wasn’t sure if Brian let her out of guilt, or as a reward for being so responsible.</p>
<p>Despite old feelings resurfacing, Rayanne kept a cool distance from Brian and only interacted with him if he called her first. Sometimes she would join him and Sharon on their hangouts with the kids. This put her more at ease since these encounters could never be mistaken as dates.</p>
<p>It was at Sharon’s house one afternoon that Brian suddenly caught on to Rayanne’s tactics. The three friends sat in the modern kitchen drinking coffee, while the boys were upstairs. They could hear the occasional thumping of feet and loud, excited voices over their heads.</p>
<p>“So, Brian, Emily let me know that she’s changed her concentration over to visual arts,” Sharon said as she helped herself to another piece of coffee cake. “She seems to be under the impression that she won’t need to continue in science after this year. Of course I informed her that she needs to take general science until at least grade ten.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, did she hurt your feelings?” Rayanne asked with a sarcastic flare. </p>
<p>“I hope she didn’t,” Brian said sincerely, ignoring Rayanne. </p>
<p>“Not at all,” Sharon retorted with a smile. “I know not everyone is as excited about science as we were.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know about you, Sharon, but I was never that excited about high school science,” offered Brian with a grimace. “Ms. Learner did her best, but dissecting cow hearts and playing with corrosive chemicals was kind of dicey.”</p>
<p>“Science sounds gross,” Rayanne said as she made a face of disgust and poked her cake with a fork.</p>
<p>“I guess it was,” Sharon admitted, now that she remembered some long forgotten details. “Now dissections are all done on computers. Even some of the chemistry is virtual.”</p>
<p>“I call that a win for animal cruelty activists everywhere,” hummed Rayanne as she took a sip of her coffee, abandoning her snack.</p>
<p>Suddenly, there was a loud ruckus over their heads. Both Brian and Sharon stood at the same time. Sharon put her hand up. “Don’t worry I’ll go check on them,” she offered since Brian was her guest. </p>
<p>Brian sat down again and looked over at Rayanne shyly. He was at a loss for what to say now that it was just the two of them. </p>
<p>“So I wanted to let you know things are going well,” he found himself saying as he focused on his mug.</p>
<p>“Like subjectively, or specifically with you?” Rayanne asked unsure of what he meant.</p>
<p>“Oh, both I guess,” he said hesitantly. “I signed my divorce papers yesterday and I actually kept my shit together. So, I feel like that’s a win.”</p>
<p>“Condolences and, or congratulations?” Rayanne said with a awkward laugh. “Not sure which is appropriate.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm...could be both,” he mused and looked over at her. </p>
<p>“So now that you’re a free man, what’s the first thing you wanna do? Disneyland? Strip club?Hook up with the hot single moms?” she teased.</p>
<p>“I honestly hadn’t thought about it,” he told her with a bemused smile. “I was just relieved that Angela seems content to continue our custody arrangement. This way she can continue to travel for work.”</p>
<p>“And take off with what’s his face anytime she wants,” Rayanne muttered and then took a bite of cake to keep from saying anything more on the subject.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. She can do whatever she wants,” he said shaking off any new stress that was trying to surface. “The kids need stability and if Angela doesn’t feel she can give them that then it’s better she stay out of the way.”</p>
<p>Rayanne stared at the man for a moment, but kept her mouth shut. He could tell from her expression that she was holding something back. They were so rarely alone that his curiosity got the better of him.</p>
<p>“What is it?” He found himself asking with mild amusement. “I can tell you want to say something.”</p>
<p>“Am I that obvious?” she replied with a flush to her cheeks. She hadn’t anticipated feeling so out of sorts just holding a conversation with him. “It’s nothing. I just...no never mind,”</p>
<p>“Come on Rayanne,” he said playfully, “you know you’ll just say whatever it is eventually.”</p>
<p>“I just feel like Angela really did a number on you. I mean, come on... Did she, or didn’t she guilt you with the whole ‘I gave up the best years of my life’ thing?” she told him no longer able to keep her opinions to herself.</p>
<p>“Don’t do that,” he told her dismissively; a little discouraged that she had chosen to criticize his failed marriage.</p>
<p>“Do what?” she retorted with an air of defiance.</p>
<p>“Act like you know what you’re talking about,” Brian informed her.</p>
<p>“Hey you asked...And believe me, I know this song,” she informed him sardonically as she shook her head. “The one where Angela acts like the victim—all sweet and loving—and then walks all over you.” </p>
<p>“Aw, sorry Rayanne I think you’re confusing my relationship with Angela for my relationship with you,” he rebutted a little more cruelly than intended.</p>
<p>“Okay fine...live in your safe little bubble of denial,” Rayanne shot back a little bothered by his tone. Then she decided not to push him too far. “Maybe it is none of my business,” she relented.</p>
<p>“Maybe it isn’t,” he said in agreement. </p>
<p>Then they sat in silence for a moment; both hopeful that Sharon would come back and distract them again.</p>
<p>Brian was first to speak. “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to take a stab at you like that,” he said with a sigh. </p>
<p>“Hey I started it,” Rayanne conceded. “I was just so sure about you and Angela, you know.”</p>
<p>“You and me both,” he added with a sad smile.</p>
<p>Rayanne was just about to reach for for his hand when Sharon came around the corner with Chase in her arms. </p>
<p>“Tell them what a good boy you were,” Sharon said as she handed the four year old to his father.</p>
<p>“I banged my knee and didn’t cry,” Chase told his dad as he showed him the bruise that was already blooming.</p>
<p>“Ouch, I would have cried,” Rayanne pouted sympathetically.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t hurt, Raya,” the small boy told her. Rayanne dipped her head and kissed his booboo anyways. Brian softened at her kindness.</p>
<p>“Were you being too rough with the other boys?” Brian asked his son to which the cherub shook his head insistently.</p>
<p>“They were building a fort with pillows and blankets. I think he tripped...nothing serious,” Sharon told him. “Now my gremlins get the chore of cleaning it all up.”</p>
<p>“Chase can help, since he helped make the mess,” offered Brian. Chase yawned at the suggestion and they knew it was time to go home.</p>
<p>“You just get him home. Don’t worry about the mess. I’m certain Kyle will finish up whatever my boys don’t manage,” Sharon said kindly.</p>
<p>Rayanne remained quiet while the two parents chatted. It was still a bit of an odd thing for her to be on the outside of these types of exchanges.</p>
<p>Then Sharon walked her visitors to the door. Chase was already drifting off on Brian’s shoulder as they walked to their respective cars.</p>
<p>“Maybe we can do this again sometime. I promise to be less of a b-i-t-c-h,” Rayanne said to Brian; spelling out the curse word in case Chase was still awake.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Brian said with a chuckle, “maybe one day we’ll be well behaved enough not to need a chaperone.”</p>
<p>Rayanne couldn’t stop the heat from rising in her cheeks. She knew the man meant a chaperone to keep them from fighting, but chaperone’s usually meant something else in her mind. </p>
<p>Brian secured his son in the carseat in the back of his car and then came to stand next to her again. For some unknown reason he opened his arms and leaned over. Rayanne accepted the friendly hug even if she was unsure how she felt about it.</p>
<p>“It was really nice to see you,” she said looking up into his eyes, feeling nervous again. “It seems like your therapy is working out for you...And it’s great that the whole divorce thing is settled.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, I don’t know if I could have managed without your help. Besides, I think it was time,” he said with a confident air.</p>
<p>Then they both got in their cars. Rayanne waited for Brian’s SUV to leave before pulling out onto the street. She took a moment to mentally chastise herself for not being more supportive from the get go. Why was it always so difficult for her to remember to be an adult and act accordingly? </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne walked by the art room one afternoon in early October. She decided stop and stick her head in. Emily was hard at work carving a wood block for their print making unit. Patience was working along beside her. It appeared that the girls had not only worked out their differences, but were actually becoming friends.</p>
<p>The counsellor came up behind the blond girl and looked over the image that was half chiselled already. It was a portrait of a woman.</p>
<p>“That’s really good,” Rayanne said, complimenting Emily’s work with a smile. “Is that your grandmother?” She asked a little uncertain.</p>
<p>“Yeah, apparently Gramma Patty tried her hand at modelling for five minutes in college,” Emily informed her. “She was really graceful.”</p>
<p>“I always thought she was a beauty,” Rayanne said, smiling again. “And that’s,” she said as she looked over at Patience’s piece that looked like a dead dog, “really something.”</p>
<p>Patience grinned and kept chiselling away, seemingly unaware of Rayanne’s back-handed compliment.</p>
<p>As the woman turned to go Emily wanted to ask her something. “I was wondering if you would come by again sometime,” the girl started to say, “the house, I mean. You know hang out...have dinner,” she suggested.</p>
<p>“Don’t you have any friends your own age?” Rayanne asked with a touch of concern, indicating the girl still hard at work on whatever her art was supposed to be. </p>
<p>“Sure, totally,” Emily said with a shrug, “but I think my dad misses you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I see,” Rayanne said in a sing-song manner, “well your dad is a grown man and if wants to see me he can tell me himself.”</p>
<p>“I think he wants to, but is afraid to,” Emily confided to her. “I think he’s not sure you want to see him ‘cause you only hang out when Aunt Sharon’s around.”</p>
<p>Rayanne caught the term of endearment for Sharon. Chase had started to call her friend his aunt and she guessed it stuck. “Well Aunt Sharon is a nice buffer,” she added with a chuckle.</p>
<p>“So, then you don’t want to see him?” Emily asked looking for clarity. “You don’t have feelings for him?”</p>
<p>“Oh kid I have so many feelings it’s not funny,” Rayanne said only half joking. “Your parents literal just finalized their divorce. A person needs time for that sort of thing to settle.”</p>
<p>“Right, because he could get overwhelmed and freak out again,” she said mostly to herself.</p>
<p>“Yeah, or I could...I can have some pretty good freak outs,” she told her with a laugh in an attempt to diffuse the tension. </p>
<p>“Just say you’ll think about it, please?” Emily begged. </p>
<p>“Fine, I’ll think about it. You definitely have your mother’s tenacity, I’ll give you that,” Rayanne commented as she made her escape. Emily was left wondering which mother she was referring to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>......</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As luck would have it, Rayanne joined Sharon in her pick up duty of the boys the next day. She was looking forward to seeing Brian, however brief it might be. Unfortunately, as they were waiting for Billy and Tommy the secretary called Sharon over to the desk.</p>
<p>“Is there something wrong?” Sharon asked the woman with curiosity.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Vinovich, a friend of yours, Mr. Krakow is calling,” the secretary explained. “He had something come up and requests that you take his son to your house.” Then the woman handed her the phone and Rayanne watched nervously as her friend spoke to Brian.</p>
<p>Sharon finished her conversation and handed the phone back. She signed the book as was expected and came back to stand with Rayanne. </p>
<p>“What was that about?” she whispered covertly.</p>
<p>“It seems Brian was caught in a meeting and asked that I take Chase to my place,” Sharon informed her casually.</p>
<p>“What meeting?” Rayanne asked with a tilt of her head. “He doesn’t do anything.”</p>
<p>Sharon furrowed her brows at her and put a hand on her hip. “Of course he does,” she scoffed, “Did you think he just stays at home baking cookies all day?”</p>
<p>“Hey, that’s what he told me,” Rayanne said defensively with a flip of her wavy brunette hair. “So what does he do?”</p>
<p>“Don’t ask me,” she replied with a shrug. “Something with technology and science.”</p>
<p>“Oh thanks, that’s so enlightening,” Rayanne said with annoyance. Though it wasn’t Sharon she was annoyed with; it was Brian. </p>
<p>She wondered why hadn’t he been honest about his work. Even if it was a new job since they moved to town, he hadn’t said anything in all the time they’d spent together. It made her uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Back at Sharon’s, Rayanne stayed to help with dinner while the three boys ran around the house. She told herself it wasn’t an excuse to stay and see Brian, but it sort of was. </p>
<p>She was starting to think her plan to always be sure that they were never alone together for long was backfiring. They had only been alone that one night in his room, but even then he was sleeping.</p>
<p>She was starting to feel as though she had read more into their relationship than was actually there. Part of this was her own fault, but she felt the blame was also due to Emily’s attachment to her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rayanne shook herself back to the present. She realized it was getting late and Sharon agreed. Her friend decided to call Chase’s house to find out if there was an ETA on his pick up time.</p>
<p>“Hello,” came Emily’s voice on the other end. </p>
<p>“Hey Emily, it’s Sharon. I don’t know if your dad told you, but Chase is hanging out over here and I was just wanting to know if you’d heard from him yet. Your dad, I mean.” Sharon stood in silence for a moment waiting for a reply.</p>
<p>“Oh, he should be there any minute,” Emily told her. “He was going to stop on his way home.”</p>
<p>Sure enough there was a knock at the door. Rayanne opened the door and let Brian in without a word; her face expressionless.  </p>
<p>“Oh hey... Hi Rayanne,” he said a little off guard by her lack of greeting. When she continued to give him the silent treatment he grimaced and he came into the foyer. </p>
<p>“No worries, Emily,” Sharon said with a smile in her voice. “Your dad is here.” She said her goodbyes and hung up.</p>
<p>Chase went running up to his dad and chattered on about his day. Brian listened intently as he came into the kitchen to speak to Sharon.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Sharon. I owe you one,” he said with a grin. “I’ll just grab Chase’s bag and we’ll go.”</p>
<p>“He had a snack, but we were just about to sit down for dinner,” Sharon informed him. “Do you want me to fix him a plate?”</p>
<p>“No need,” Brian declined politely, “but thank you for the offer.” Then he lower his voice and asked, “Is everything okay with Rayanne?”</p>
<p>“I think so, why?” Sharon whispered and looked over to where her friend was setting the table. </p>
<p>“I guess it’s nothing,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe she’s just annoyed that I took so long to get my kid.”</p>
<p>“Why should that bother her?” Sharon asked innocently, to which Brian couldn’t justify a reason. It was just a feeling he had.</p>
<p>....</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Something good comes from something bad :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That Saturday morning Rayanne returned home after crashing at Sharon’s house over night. Her mood had stayed stormy the rest of the week and she really didn’t trust herself to be alone.</p>
<p>Even after calling her sponsor, it continued bothered her that she was so grumpy over Brian’s inconsiderate attitude toward her. It wasn’t like they were a couple. He was not her boyfriend; he was barely even her friend really. Why should she be so agitated?</p>
<p>Rayanne decided to take a refreshing shower and was towelling off her freshly washed hair when her door buzzer went. She threw on her robe and ran over to hit the intercom button.</p>
<p>“Yellow?” the young woman called casually into the mic. She hadn’t been expecting anyone and thought maybe it was a random person trying to get in the building.</p>
<p>“Hello, Rayanne? It’s Brian,” Brian said, sounding a little unsure, “I just wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”</p>
<p>Rayanne froze in place; her wet wavy hair in tendrils over her face. She looked around her little apartment and decided it wasn’t too disastrous to have someone in it. </p>
<p>“Rayanne?” he called again over the speaker. “I know I didn’t call first, so if you don’t want me to come up..” She could tell he was changing his mind and hit the button again.</p>
<p>“No! I mean, sure,” she sputtered nervously. “I’ll buzz you in, but walk up slowly. I just got out of the shower.” She hit the button to let him in and then ran to her room to throw on some clothes. </p>
<p>Her sweats were closest and the cleanest since she hadn’t had a chance to do laundry yet. Speaking of which, she went around and picked up any stray socks and underwear and threw them in her hamper. Then she almost tripped on her way to her tiny kitchen to tidy any up old take-out containers on the counter. </p>
<p>She debated trying to quickly put on make up, but decided to pinch her cheeks instead. Brian had already seen her bare-faced so it wasn’t worth the scramble. As she caught herself in the mirror by the door she frowned. </p>
<p>Her damp hair was all over the place, so she threw it into a quick pony tail. She cursed internally at the fact that she rushing around for the man like an idiot. He was the one who had come by unannounced.</p>
<p>Rayanne took a cleansing breath and tried to reassure herself that she wasn’t being manic. Then she opened the door just as Brian was about to knock.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said with mild surprise. “Look this won’t take long. I mean, I don’t want to keep you from your Saturday,” he clarified.</p>
<p>“Oh, sure, whatever,” she said with a smile and moved to the side, inviting him in. “Nothing like a surprise visit from your ex to make you forget your bad mood,” she thought to herself.</p>
<p>Brian came in and sat on her couch. She closed the door and then stood for a moment, unmoving. “Shit, do you want something to drink or something?” she asked abruptly as she hit her forehead with the heal of her hand.</p>
<p>“No I’m okay, thanks,” he told her with a chuckle at her frazzled state. “Was this a bad time?”</p>
<p>“What? No, it’s fine,” Rayanne said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“This is going to sound a little odd,” he started to tell her, “but I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you’re okay.” When she stared blankly at him he continued, “I just felt like maybe there was something going on with you. You know, the other day when I picked up Chase? You didn’t say a word to me.”</p>
<p>Rayanne listened to him and found herself nodding without actually intending to do so. For some unknown reason, instead of listening, she was fixating on the wrong issue in her head and her bad mood was returning.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry how did you know where I live?” she asked him distractedly. “Did Sharon tell you? Because if she told you where I live, could she not also have given you my personal phone number?”</p>
<p>“You’re mad,” Brian said with sudden understanding. “I’m really sorry. You’re right, I should have called you.” Then he stood to leave. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I was just concerned.”</p>
<p>“I’m all good,” she told him with an exaggerated smile and a clap of her hands. “You can consider your dept repaid. No need to concern yourself over silly old me.” She went to the door to see him out as she spoke.</p>
<p>It was Brian’s turn to freeze on the spot. He narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow as he tried to grasp what she just told him. “You think I’m here because I feel that I owe you for what happened a while back?”</p>
<p>“Well you don’t, so don’t worry about it,” she informed him flatly.</p>
<p>“Well, maybe I am,” he said after thinking it over. “But more so because you were there for me when no one else was. Rayanne, I genuinely want to be sure you’re okay. I asked Sharon if she thought you were and she didn’t seem concerned.”</p>
<p>“Sharon knows me best, so maybe you should take her word for it,” she said as she opened the door and crossed her arms. </p>
<p>“Why are you being so defensive?” He asked her calmly, adjusting his glasses. “Why are you shutting me out like this? It can’t be just because I came by without checking first.”</p>
<p>“Fine you want to know why,” she began to explain so loudly even her neighbours would know,  “because I am a selfish, petty bitch who can’t understand how I get to watch you have a nervous, fucking breakdown, but you still can’t tell me simple things like how you have a job, or why you flirt with the attractive moms at pick up.”  Rayanne hated herself more with every word that fell from her lips.</p>
<p>“I just don’t think I can be friends with you,” she confessed while her hand trembled as it held the door open. “There is too much emotional baggage. I was fine without you all these years and I’ll be just fine without you again.”</p>
<p>Brian felt like he’d been hit by a truck. All he wanted was to open himself up to the woman, but she was miles ahead. In her mind he had already disappointed her and destroyed any possible relationship. If he hadn’t been so devastated he would have laughed at how she was behaving exactly the way she had as a teenager. Everything was alway so dramatic. It didn’t seem like she’d grown up at all.</p>
<p>“I can see you’ve already made up your mind,” he said solemnly. “Take care of yourself. I won’t bother you again.” </p>
<p>Then he left her alone holding the door; Rayanne felt like it was the only thing holding her up. As she started to let go of it she slid to the floor and buried her face in her hands. She hadn’t had an outburst like that in ages and she felt overwhelmed with shame.</p>
<p>As she began to sob in earnest she suddenly felt strong arms around her and a familiar warmth. She heard the door close shut as she turned into the man’s embrace. </p>
<p>He had come back. Brian hadn’t left her alone after all. He knew her warning signs, just as she had known his. What a pair of messed up individuals they were. He didn’t say anything, he just held her close and let her cry.</p>
<p>....</p>
<p>It was hours later when Rayanne opened her eyes again. She had fallen asleep on the couch after her exhausting emotional release. As she looked around her apartment she couldn’t tell if Brian was still there. Then she heard a kettle whistle go off in the kitchen. Slowly she lifted herself off the couch and went to investigate. </p>
<p>Brian looked up as she came through the swinging door. “I didn’t mean to wake you, sorry,” he said quietly. “I was just making some tea and there’s muffins, or danish if you’re hungry.” </p>
<p>Rayanne sat heavily on the stool at the small breakfast bar and noted the new fruit in the wicker bowl and an assortment of baked goods on the counter. </p>
<p>Then she casually let her hair down and mussed it with her hands as she contemplated her choices. She snatched a blueberry danish as she watched Brian pour the hot tea into mugs. She couldn’t keep herself from smiling at the strangeness of how he’d made himself at home.</p>
<p>“You went out and shopped for me?” she asked pleasantly as she ate her pastry. “That’s so sweet. I guess I was kind of a basket case, huh?”</p>
<p>“Hey, everyone has bad days,” Brian told her with another warm smile. “I find that’s one of the hardest things about being on your own. No one’s there to support you those times you can’t predict.” He handed her the mug of tea and sat next to her. “How do you feel now?” he asked and held out his hand to her. She felt her face flush as she took it.</p>
<p>“I feel much better,” Rayanne said slowly. “I still can’t believe you stayed.”</p>
<p>“I just couldn’t bare to leave you,” he told her softly.</p>
<p>“You are pretty wonderful, you know that.” It was his turn to blush. “Where are the kids?” she asked as an after thought.</p>
<p>Brian rubbed circles into her palm with his thumb. “They’re with Patty. They were already spending the day, so I don’t want you to feel bad, okay?” he said reassuring her.</p>
<p>“I always feel like I’m asking too much of people these days,” she said sombrely and then took a sip from her mug. “I really am sorry I unloaded on you. You have to know that was all in my head. You really didn’t do anything wrong,” she added as she shook her head slowly.</p>
<p>“I think maybe we should have talked things over sooner,” he told her as he let her hand go again. “Maybe...because of our history we should discuss some ground rules.” </p>
<p>Rayanne rested her head in her hand with her elbow propped on the bar. She looked at him for a moment and then frowned. “I hate that I have to say this, but I did actually mean the part about us not being friends,” she confessed with a grumble.</p>
<p>Brian scratched his chin and titled his head, obviously confused. “What are you talking about? I don’t understand?” he asked her sounding a bit hurt.</p>
<p>Rayanne put a hand on his knee and looked him in the eye. It was important, she felt, to be honest with him. </p>
<p>“I know that I won’t be able to stand by and watch you be with someone else. Sure, you just got divorced, but it will happen. I see how you are; you like having a partner,” she explained plainly.</p>
<p>“So you’ve already decided that there is no way we can do this,” he began with disbelief. For a moment he looked like he was at a loss at what to say to her. </p>
<p>As he took a muffin and began to remove the wrapper he continued. “Can you just explain your thinking to me? I mean, is this to do with your sobriety? Are you too emotionally affected by our past to even consider a future?”</p>
<p>“I know you probably think I’m running away again,” she said quietly. “Maybe I am. I just know that in the past we always found a way back to each other...but when you chose Angela...” Her words trailed off as she did her best not to lose herself in the emotion of her memories. “I didn’t come back from that for years, Brian. I can’t do that again. I’m not blaming you—it’s just how it was.”</p>
<p>Brian stared at his muffin as he listened. Even though he knew she felt that she was right, he couldn’t help that he wanted to prove her wrong. </p>
<p>“Several months ago back in New York, I consulted for a friend,” he started to tell her, out of the blue. “It was a coding project for a medical company that is engineering robotic prosthetics. They’re still in the testing phase, but things are progressing well. The other day I was in a meeting with Joshua, my friend, discussing possible fixes for a glitch they encountered. That’s where I was; it’s all very boring.”</p>
<p>Rayanne let out a nervous laugh. “That actually sounds really cool, but why are you telling me all this?” she asked him, feeling unsure of his motives.</p>
<p>“Because I know you were upset that I didn’t share details about my work,” he offered as explanation. “Honestly, I don’t really tell anyone. Most people don’t understand, or they don’t care. Your other concern was about other women; I don’t mean to flirt. I swear I’m just being nice.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for telling me all of that,” she said with appreciation, “but it still doesn’t change how I feel.”</p>
<p>“Rayanne,” Brian said as he turned his body towards her and took her hand again. “I want to tell you how I feel.” </p>
<p>She nodded numbly, a little shaken by the affect he still had when he said her name. </p>
<p>“You told me once, a long time ago,” he continued, “that it was important to make sure people I care about know how I feel. And that I shouldn’t give up on something, or someone if I didn’t want to.”</p>
<p>“Stop, please,” she said, pulling her hand away. “Don’t say anything else.”</p>
<p>Brian leaned closer and cupped her face in his hands. As much as Rayanne wanted to pull away, she wanted to feel his touch more.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to stop seeing you,” he confessed openly. “I don’t want to lose you again either, but I think if we take things slow and really stay honest with each other we can do this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I’ve never had a long-term relationship of any kind,” she admitted, closing her eyes. “There was that husband thing, but it didn’t stick.”</p>
<p>“Then think of being together like your sobriety,” he said in hopes to sway her. “One day at a time.”</p>
<p>“That sounds terribly unromantic,” she scoffed at his suggestion.</p>
<p>“Would you rather a messy whirlwind of sex and regret?” he rebutted.</p>
<p>Rayanne opened her eyes and stared at him for making such a lurid comment. “Um, excuse me, but who said I was going to have sex with you?”</p>
<p>“I meant that as a statement about any of your future relationships, not necessarily with me,” he corrected.</p>
<p>“So you don’t want to have sex?” she asked with a small amount of disappointment.</p>
<p>“Before I answer that can I ask you something really personal?” he asked cryptically.</p>
<p>“Open book,” she chuckled, “hit me.” She was expecting him to ask if she’d been tested for std’s, or if she had any prophylactics on hand. Not what he actually asked her.</p>
<p>“With your predisposition to addiction...did you ever consider yourself addicted to sex?” He inquired quite seriously.</p>
<p>Rayanne had to stop and consider it for a moment. The thought had crossed her mind at some point. She was very into sex with men she barely knew for most of her early years. There were even times she could recall when they were together that she would become easily frustrated, or angry if he declined her advances.</p>
<p>“I suppose it’s possible. After all, recreational sex can be just as satisfying as some drugs,” she stated after reflecting. Brian nodded. He would have to take her word since he was never someone who really partook in recreational drug use.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we try an experiment?” he suggested. </p>
<p>As Rayanne considered his words, Brian closed the space between them. He kissed her tenderly and her heart ached. She couldn’t help but deepen it and lace her fingers into his hair. They continued their embrace for a time, until Brian pulled away.</p>
<p>“How do you feel?” he asked, unsure of what to expect. His question was met with a frown.</p>
<p>“You aren’t going to like my answer,” she told him, filled with doubt.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you tell me anyways,” he said, pushing back her unruly locks of hair from her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I feel like... I want you to knock everything off this counter and have your way with me,” she confessed with a mischievous grin. When he flushed from ear to ear, but didn’t look away she added, “Then I want to take you back to my room so we can hold each other like we used to in your tiny bed and fall asleep together.”</p>
<p>Brian smiled a little at the second part of her suggestion. He remembered his twin sized bed and how she would sneak into his room at night and somehow they would find a way for them both to fit in it.</p>
<p>“What if we compromise?” he asked as he stood and carefully started to move everything to the other counter. It would have been a real mood dampener to have to worry about shattering mugs on the floor. Rayanne waited patiently and watched him with mild amusement. </p>
<p>“This is such a bad idea,” she muttered unconvincingly.</p>
<p>He chose to ignore her and when he was done with his task he took his glasses off and added them to the other items. </p>
<p>Then Brian turned his attention back to his companion and pulled his shirt off, over his head. Rayanne couldn’t help but stare at him. She subconsciously licked her lips as her eyes lingered on his lean muscles and chest hair. Even though she had helped him change clothes that night she stayed over at his house, she had been too distracted to appreciate the man he’d become.</p>
<p>“Now it’s your turn,” he teased her, catching her blatant display of lust. He leaned closer and went to help her pull her top off, but she knocked his hands away and pulled a face.</p>
<p>“Easy tiger, I can do it,” she teased back. “I have to warn you...it’s been awhile since I’ve done this and in broad daylight no less,” she said nervously and discarded both her top and bottoms. Now he was letting his eyes wander suggestively. She hadn’t been wearing a bra or underwear, so she knew exactly where he would focus.</p>
<p>“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed with a lustful smile. She was curvier than she had been years ago, but she wore it well. He reached out a hand to slowly caress her breasts. She hummed her approval when he added his other hand and continued in his appreciation of her body.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he couldn’t wait any longer and seized her mouth with his. Rayanne accepted the invitation and started to open the front of his pants. Before she could complete her task, she felt him lift her onto the counter. </p>
<p>He pulled away from her mouth for a brief moment to wet his fingers before kissing her again and easing them into her playfully. She moaned into his mouth, but began to get impatient. Just as his manipulations were almost too much, he thrust inside her. </p>
<p>Rayanne pulled him to her as she wrapped her legs around him. She threw her head back as he suckled at her neck and they found their rhythm. She didn’t realize that she was digging her nails into his shoulder blades and as she climaxed she held onto him so fiercely that she drew blood. Her lover hadn’t noticed either, he too was lost in his own ecstasy.</p>
<p>Brian let his head fall to her shoulder as they both caught themselves from going completely limp. Rayanne brought her hand up to massage the man’s neck and noticed a flash of red on her finger tip.</p>
<p>“Shit,” she panted, “I think a got a little carried away.” </p>
<p>Brian lifted his head slowly and looked at her hand. “Is that my blood, or yours?” he asked, unsure. Then Rayanne lifted herself to look over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Yeah that’s yours,” she winced with slight embarrassment. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>He decided to look for himself. There were only a few small scratches. Nothing he was overly concerned about. He shrugged and smiled down at her. “All’s fair in love and war,” he joshed. </p>
<p>Rayanne leaned over from her place on the counter and got some paper towel. Brian turned around so she could inspect her handiwork and dab away the blood. The she let her eyes trail downward to the man’s shapely behind. </p>
<p>“I don’t remember you having that ass,” she said with a happy hum. “It’s a nice addition if I do say so myself.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I was a skinny nerd with a fairly flat butt wasn’t I?” he commented back at her over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Well there wasn’t nothing...this is just better,” she added as she kissed his neck. “All done. I think you’ll live.”</p>
<p>He moved to face her again. She noticed he’d removed the condom while he was facing away. It was such a novelty to her that men always seemed to have a condom on hand when the moment called for it. She didn’t even ask why he just happen to have one in his pocket; possibly he had learned his lesson. Besides it would have only dispelled the spontaneity of their lovemaking. </p>
<p>“Onto phase two,” he whispered in her ear as he took her hand. </p>
<p>Brian lead her through the small apartment to her bedroom, abandoning their clothing in the kitchen. She giggled like a teenager as he got into her bed and invited her to join him. She cuddled her body up to his and adjusted her pillow so she could look him in the eye.</p>
<p>“So, this is your idea of taking things slow?” she whispered as she settled in. </p>
<p>“I guess I’m really just a people pleaser,” he joshed with a shrug.</p>
<p>“Well you take direction well,” she said as she traced a line down his chest. “And you get an A plus for that improvisation.”</p>
<p>“As a people pleaser I’m so glad to hear that,” he said with a smile and kissed her neatly on the nose.</p>
<p>“I want to tell you something,” she said quietly, almost unheard. Brian waited in silence, gently taking her hand. “I just want you to know that I can’t have kids,” she told him and kissed his bare chest.</p>
<p>Brian gave her a perplexed look. “You mean, ever?” he asked as kindly as possible.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I had a couple of miscarriages and I just decided that it wasn’t going to happen,” Rayanne confessed, knowing that he could change how he felt about her with this new information. “I mean, even Emily came early...Anyway, I had my tubes tied after the last one. It was kind of why my marriage ended. He really wanted kids...like, his own kids,” she added and then looked away, afraid to see his reaction.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry you went through that,” he said sympathetically. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like; preparing for a child that you never brought home.” He titled her chin up so she was looking at him again. “Thank you for telling me. I know that was hard for you to do.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t freak you out?” she asked a little unsure. </p>
<p>“I already have my hands full with two amazing kids,” he told her with a chuckle. “And I know this doesn’t fit into the whole ‘taking it slow’ thing, but there is always adoption, or fostering.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but smile at his kindness. She’d forgotten how easy it could be to talk to him. </p>
<p>“I have to admit that just knowing Emily was in the world, even in the abstract, made coping a little easier,” she said and kissed his lips sweetly. “Thank you for being an irrational boy who wanted to raise his daughter despite the odds against him.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome,” he said with heavy lids. “But I didn’t do it alone.” She knew he was right. He basically had a whole village helping him; everyone, but her. </p>
<p>Then he added with a yawn, “Sorry, but I think phase one worn me out.”</p>
<p>Rayanne smiled softly and crinkled her nose at his choice of words. “Get some sleep, you’ve earned it,” she instructed and then lay her head down next to his.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Continues from previous chapter:)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was getting low in the sky when Rayanne felt Brian get out of bed. She looked at the clock on her night stand and it was almost five. Her lover disappeared to fetch his clothes from the other room. When he came back in the bedroom he was fully dressed and placed her sweats on the end of the bed. </p><p>“You going somewhere?” she asked him with a pout as she propped her self up on the pillows. He sat on the bed and gave her a quick kiss.</p><p>“I need to get back for dinner,” he told her, “I thought about asking you to join us, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want to.”</p><p>“Hmmm, I think maybe I want to...if that’s okay?” she asked a little unsure. She knew it was possible that he had only made the suggestion to be polite. Brian’s face lit up and she couldn’t help but grin.</p><p>“Yes. Yeah, sure,” he said and then kissed her again, this time with a little more enthusiasm.</p><p>“Okay, let me find something to wear and we’ll go,” she beamed with delight.</p><p>Rayanne chose a lose-fitting knit dress and knee high boots. She was even able to find some clean underwear, unlike earlier. She really did need to do some laundry.</p><p>She waited in the car while Brian went in to get the kids at Patty and Graham’s house. It was a smaller bungalow style home closer to the downtown area. There was a younger woman who saw them off at the door. She gave Brian a hug that lasted a little longer than Rayanne would have liked.</p><p>It was only when they were headed back to the car that she could tell it was Danielle. Angela’s younger sister had been absent from the dinner several weeks ago. Seeing her now, even from a distance, Rayanne was glad that she hadn’t seen her before. Danielle was just as gorgeous as her sister, which made feel uneasy and jealous.</p><p>“Raya!” Chase cheered as he spotted her in the passenger seat. Brian was securing the boy in his carseat.</p><p>“Hey kiddo,” she called back to him. </p><p>“This is a surprise,” Emily commented as she climbed in next to her brother. “Are you coming home with us?”</p><p>“I guess I am,” Rayanne said with a look back to the girl. “Was that your aunt I just saw?” She asked innocently in hopes of getting more information.</p><p>“Yeah, she was in town this weekend. I guess it’s easier to stay with her parents than at a hotel,” Emily informed her.</p><p>Brian finished securing Chase and got into the driver’s seat. Rayanne touched Brian’s forearm to get his attention. “You two close; you and Danielle?” she asked in hushed tones. </p><p>Brian laughed a little at her insinuation. “We get along, but we’re not close in the way I think you’re implying. She’s just an affectionate person,” he said to reassure her. </p><p>“Oh yeah, sure. I can see that,” she said, satisfied that at least Brian didn’t appear to be interested on his end.</p><p>“Danielle did a masters in business and finance and is always trying to convince her father to retire and give her the restaurant,” he told Rayanne as he started the car. “Graham is convinced she wants to franchise and he hates the idea.”</p><p>“What about Hallie? Doesn’t she still own it with Graham?” She asked wanting to know how Danielle could be so set on such a venture.</p><p>“Oh sure, but she’s been trying to get him to open at least one other location for years,” he replied. “I think she figures the more profit they make, the more she’ll have to retire on in the next ten years.”</p><p>“So she’s still around,” Rayanne commented mostly to herself. </p><p>“Yep, Hallie and her husband do all the money stuff, as Grandpa likes to call it,” Emily said knowingly behind them. “So did you two spend the day together?” </p><p>“Something like that,” Brian told his daughter.</p><p>“Oh, what did you get up to?” The blond girl asked with a teasing air.</p><p>“If I said grown up stuff would you accept that as an answer?” he retorted in an attempt to remain vague.</p><p>“What am I five?” Emily shot back at her father.</p><p>“I’m four,” offered Chase not wanting to be left out.</p><p>“Yeah, we know,” laughed his sister. </p><p>“We hung out and talked. Pretty boring really,” Rayanne said trying to down play what they actually got up to. But Emily wasn’t sure. She narrowed her eyes and stared at the backs of their heads.</p><p>“Did you play any games?” Chase asked trying to get an idea about what grown up stuff could be.</p><p>“No, but we could play something when we get home,” Rayanne told the boy to which he nodded happily.</p><p>“You sure you didn’t play hide-and-seek, or seven minutes in heaven?” Emily asked with a smirk.</p><p>“Emily,” Brian started to scold, but was cut off by his son.</p><p>“What are the seven minutes for?” Chase asked and looked at his sister.</p><p>“It’s a game where boys and girls kiss each other,” Rayanne said playfully as she reached back and ticked the boys legs.</p><p>“Ew, I don’t want to play that game!” the boy giggled. </p><p>“Me either! Boys are gross,” the woman declared playfully. Both Emily and Brian couldn’t help but laugh at her words.</p><p>......</p><p> </p><p>After dinner, Rayanne had the privilege of tucking Chase into bed. While Brian helped Emily with some homework, they read the same book at least three times before the boy finally nodded off. She made her way back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up. In her own place she wouldn’t care and let dishes sit in the sink for days, but here it felt like something she wanted to do.</p><p>Brian joined her after a few minutes and gave her a kiss on the shoulder. “Thanks for helping tonight,” he said softly. “I could really get used to you being here.”</p><p>“Me too,” she admitted and hit him playfully in the butt with a dish towel. </p><p>“Oh is that how it’s going to be?” he teased as grabbed the towel out of her hands. He tried to retaliate, but she had already backed up against the counter.  “You’re cheating,” he complained and lifted her by her hips onto the counter. “You’ll have to pay the penalty,” he warned her as he closed his mouth on hers. </p><p>“I think you lack an understanding of what punishment is ‘cause this just makes me want to keep misbehaving,” she teased back and raised a mischievous eye brow at him. She also noted how he enjoyed propping her on countertops. Not that she minded.</p><p>Brian laughed softly and kissed her again. “Will you stay over tonight?” he asked, tickling her ear. She giggled and pulled away.</p><p>“I can’t,” she pouted, “I didn’t bring anything with me. Besides, what would your kids think?”</p><p>“I think I already know what Emily thinks,” he said as he let her down to the floor. “But maybe next time, then?”</p><p>“Hmm, next time...sounds nice,” she said as she got up on her tip-toes and pulled him down to kiss her again. After a moment she let him go, her thoughts went back to earlier in the day. “Thank you for today. For everything.”</p><p>“Of course. Just call me anytime you need me, okay?” he told her with genuine sincerity.</p><p>“Ditto,” she said with a grin.</p><p>“Don’t take this the wrong way, but would you ever consider trying therapy?” he asked not wanting to upset her.</p><p>“I don’t know...I mean I’ve tried it and I just don’t thinks it’s for me,” she said as she looked away.</p><p>“What if you came with me when I go?” he suggested casually.</p><p>“What like couples’ counselling?” she asked skeptically.</p><p>“No. Nothing like that,” he told her. “I was thinking that you could come and support me. Just to see what it’s like. You wouldn’t even have to say anything if you didn’t want to.”</p><p>“Oh...well let me think about it okay?” she replied and gave him a warm hug for being so concerned. </p><p>Rayanne took a taxi home and Brian made his way back upstairs to get ready for bed. His daughter stopped him in the hall.</p><p>“Can you please just be honest and tell me what’s going on with you and Rayanne?” she asked frankly.</p><p>“I know I probably should have talked to you first, but I honestly didn’t think that it would happen so quickly,” he confided.</p><p>“Were you two making out in the kitchen?” Emily asked with a smirk.</p><p>“Yes,” he confessed as his face flushed. He never thought he would be discussing his love life with his fourteen year old daughter. “But I want you to know that we aren’t being reckless. We genuinely want to have a relationship.” Then after a beat he asked, “How does that make you feel?”</p><p>“Me? I’m thrilled,” she beamed. “I’ve been waiting for you two to get over yourselves for weeks.”</p><p>“This is a big deal, Em,” he told her with concern. “I’m relieved that you’re so okay with it, but I want you to come to me and tell me if you feel differently in the future, okay?”</p><p>“Dad, stop stressing,” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I really like her...And I actually respect her. You have no idea how many of my friends have had to deal with total monsters as their new moms.”</p><p>“Slow down,” he said nervously, “we’re dating...she is not your ‘new mom’.”</p><p>“Technically she is my mom, though,” she corrected him.</p><p>“I know, believe me,” he conceded. The whole idea was still a little absurd to think about for too long. “Hey what do you think of Jordan?” He asked, desperate to talk about someone else.</p><p>“Mom’s boyfriend?” Emily asked as she pulled a face. “I think he’s super hot and really super nice. But I also think that he’s a piece of flaming garbage for stealing Mom from you and eventually he’ll get board and move on, leaving Mom with a broken heart. At least in my humble opinion.”</p><p>“Wow, I should have known you’d have a lot to say about him,” Brian said a little taken off guard by her rant. “Are you still mad at your mom?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully. “I think I’m starting to get over it. I mean, if Mom hadn’t left us then we wouldn’t have moved here and you wouldn’t have reconnected with Rayanne.”</p><p>“I’m glad you can see the silver lining,” he chuckled. </p><p>“Dad, please don’t mess things up with Rayanne,” Emily added with a touch of worry. </p><p>“I’m going to do my very best not to, but you can’t worry about it too much okay,” he said trying to reassure her. His daughter nodded and they hugged again. Brian just had to convince himself not to worry about it either.</p><p>....</p><p>Sunday morning there was a buzz at Rayanne’s apartment. She wondered if maybe Brian had decided to surprise her again. </p><p>“Yellow?” she called playfully into the intercom.</p><p>“Hey Bliss, buzz me in,” came Sharon’s very serious voice.</p><p>Rayanne frowned to herself and buzzed her friend in. She couldn’t recall making plans with Sharon, but she was known to forget about tentative plans. </p><p>“So where were you yesterday?” Sharon asked as she let herself in.</p><p>“I was here most of the day,” she told her and then added, “but then I went to Brian’s house.”</p><p>“Oh you did? Why? What’s wrong?” her friend asked with concern.</p><p>“Oh Brian’s fine,” Rayanne informed her, waving off any notion that he had relapsed. “He came here first, actually and we kind of work things out.”</p><p>“Oh right, he asked me for your address, so that makes sense,” Sharon said with a nod. “So you two weren’t getting along?” she asked as an after thought.</p><p>“We were...but now we’re getting along a lot better,” Rayanne said suggestively. </p><p>Sharon gave her a look of confusion and sat on the couch. She organized the magazines on the coffee table as she tried to figure out what Rayanne was hinting at. “How do you mean better? I thought you two were doing just fine.”</p><p>“Sure as friends, but now we’re more than just friends. You know?” Rayanne said a little unsure of how Sharon might take the news.</p><p>“Oh God, you had sex with him!” she shouted in horror. “How could you!?”</p><p>“Um, excuse me, but it was mutual. And why can’t you be happy for us?” Rayanne said obviously upset by her reaction.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I really thought the two of you would be friends first...like for a while...like years,” she rambled.</p><p>“You were the one playing up how hot he was and how great it was that I was getting close to him and Emily,” Rayanne retorted.</p><p>“So, he comes by your apartment and you jump him?” Sharon said with even more judgment if that were possible.</p><p>“No, actually we had a big fight,” she admitted.</p><p>“I don’t understand,” her friend huffed. “You fought and then had make up sex?”</p><p>“Sharon, forget about the sex. It was amazing, but that’s beside the point. We want to be together. Properly together,” she clarified.</p><p>“Oh? Oh, that’s wonderful!” Sharon said in earnest. “I thought you were just going to secretly mess around and ruin everything.”</p><p>“Thanks. Your confidence in me is so heartwarming,” she replied sarcastically.</p><p>“Sorry. I’m sorry,” her friend said a little ashamed. “Angela’s not going to be happy.”</p><p>“That’s too bad for her,” Rayanne chuckled.</p><p>“So do you love him?” Sharon asked quite seriously.</p><p>“Anyone else and I would say it was too soon to say, but yeah I do,” she confessed.</p><p>“Aw, Rayanne, you love him.” The woman’s eyes practically had hearts in them she sounded so saccharine.  Then she added curtly, “Don’t fuck this up.”</p><p>“I won’t, settle down,” she said defensively. “Hey why did you come by today?”</p><p>“Oh right. Well, as I was trying to say before...I called you yesterday evening and there was no answer. I know you like to turn your phone off if you’re in an AA meeting, or not feeling social. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Especially after Friday night,” Sharon said filling her in.</p><p>“Thanks, Share. I’m doing fine now,” Rayanne said and gave her a hug.</p><p>“I bet you are,” she replied with a laugh.</p><p>......</p><p> </p><p>Somehow everything fell neatly into place after that weekend. Rayanne was spending more time at the house since she no longer felt the need to use Sharon as a buffer. She would even drive Emily home after school on occasion.</p><p>One day, the week before Halloween, Rayanne picked up a few decorations and some candy to bring over. She wasn’t exactly clear on whether or not it was a big thing in their home, but decided to take a chance anyway.</p><p>As Rayanne let herself into the house she could hear the most soulful voice accompanied by piano. It took her a moment to recognize the song. It was ‘Only You’ by Yazoo. </p><p>She hadn’t heard it in ages and thought it was an usual choice to play so loudly. As she put her bags down and started toward the source of the music she came to realize that it wasn’t a recording. In the family room, Emily was belting out the chorus as her father played the keyboard next to her. </p><p>“All I needed was the love you gave;<br/>All I needed for another day;<br/>All I ever knew;<br/>Only you.”</p><p>Rayanne froze in place. It was like looking at a memory of herself at that age. As a girl, she used to love to sing and perform for fun. She always felt her voice was good, but it was nothing compared to Emily—her daughter.</p><p>It sounded like she may have had lessons and knew not only how to hit the right notes, but how to breathe and carry the melody. She gushed with silent pride as the girl continued into the next verse. </p><p>Chase ran over to Rayanne from where he was playing with building blocks on the floor. The woman caught him in her arms and gave him a hug. </p><p>As they pair finished out the song, Rayanne sat with the boy on the couch. She held him close as he tried to sing the end, but got the words wrong. It didn’t really matter. They were all so happy; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so fulfilled. Maybe there was something to being a part of a family after all.</p><p>“That’s quite the voice Emily has,” she told Brian later as he snooped through her bags in the kitchen.</p><p>“Yeah, she’s pretty amazing. What is all this stuff?” he asked playfully, giving her a look.</p><p>“It’s for Halloween, Bri,” she said trying not to roll her eyes at him.</p><p>“Oh right. That reminds me, Emily has a performance this weekend,” Brian told her and then stopped dead in his tracks. “Shit,” he cursed and looked to the floor.</p><p>“It’s okay, if I’m not invited, or whatever,” Rayanne said with sincerity.</p><p>“No, I was going to invite you...it’s just,” he said slowly with hesitation, “Angela is coming.”</p><p>“Oh, right, well she should,” she rambled. “I mean, I imagine that Emily wants her mother to be there.”</p><p>“Right, it’s just that we talked about her staying here,” he admitted with a wince. “With the kids...So, I might not get to have a lot of time with you, which isn’t ideal.”</p><p>“What if Angela stays here with the kids and you come over to my place?” Rayanne offered skeptically. </p><p>“I would, but she wouldn’t know where anything is and I don’t know if Chase would be okay without me here,” he reasoned as she nodded.</p><p>“Then, it’s all cool,” she told him, switching  back to supportive mode. “I would love to be there, though, if it’s not too weird.”</p><p>“Great, I’m pretty sure Em already got you a ticket,” he said with relief. “Sorry I kinda dropped the ball.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry. It’s a lot to keep track of,” she said with a smile. “I should probably go now, but before I do...” she let her words trail off as she came closer to him; he finished her thought by taking her in his arms again. It took all her will power to leave him that night.</p><p>.....</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A family gathering.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The performance was wonderful. Several teens, all around the same age as Emily, performed for their family and friends. Rayanne came in a few minutes late and took a seat on the end of the row next to Patty, Graham and Danielle. </p><p>Graham was recording the whole thing on his camera. This made Rayanne think back to when recording video involved a ten pound cam-corder and if you didn’t have a decent microphone you could barely hear anything on the play back.</p><p>She stole a look once, or twice down the aisle at Brian. She couldn’t help but smile when Chase fell asleep halfway through the show in Angela’s arms. It pained her to see them together as the happy family they once were. She did her best to push down a wave of jealousy and concentrate on Emily.</p><p>When they got back to the house afterwards, Graham, Angela, Danielle and Brian took up residence in the kitchen. Graham was cooking, of course, and Brian was trying to be helpful.  Angela was filling Danielle in on her travels, doing her best to skirt around Jordan. No one really seemed interested in their relationship.</p><p>“I didn’t know Rayanne was coming tonight,” Danielle commented when her sister came to a natural pause.</p><p>“Neither did I, but I wasn’t about to make scene,” Angela added only half-joking. She stole a baby carrot and gave Brian a look.</p><p>“I’m sure I told you that Emily invited her,” he told her dismissively and looked to Graham for back up.</p><p>“I don’t really see the concern,” their father offered off-handed, “clearly she’s not the same as she used to be.”</p><p>“So now you’re on the Graff bandwagon too?” Angela asked with annoyance. </p><p>“Bliss, honey,” Graham corrected her as he stirred his sauce on the stovetop.</p><p>“Excuse me?” his daughter shot back.</p><p>“He means Rayanne’s last name is Bliss,” Brian told his ex wife.</p><p>“Well that’s ridiculous. Is she running from the law?” Angela snarked with a sort of derision.</p><p>“Yeah, Ange...she thought she’d change her name, but live in the same town she grew up in,” Danielle drawled sarcastically.</p><p>“Now girls. Leave her alone. She’s worked hard to be where she is now. I mean she’s been sober—what—seven years now. She even has a degree,” Graham pushed back.</p><p>Brian and Angela both stared at the man for a moment. “Why do you know so much about her all of a sudden?” Angela asked with suspicion.</p><p>“Oh, no. Did you and Mom never tell them?” Danielle asked.</p><p>“Tell us what?” This time Brian wanted to know what was going on.</p><p>“Rayanne didn’t say anything to you?” Graham replied with another question.</p><p>“You better just spill it Dad,” Danielle told him.</p><p>“There isn’t really anything to tell,” he said hesitantly. “About seven years ago Rayanne turned up on our doorstep; we were still in the old house. She’d just gotten divorced and then her mom passed away. She needed somewhere to stay. She reached out to Patty and you know your mother; she just couldn’t turn her away,” he explained.</p><p>“That’s your idea of nothing to tell, Dad? And you knew, Danielle?” Angela remarked sardonically.</p><p>“Was I living at home? Sure. Was Rayanne a better sister than you? Maybe,” Danielle teased. </p><p>Angela hit her sister in the shoulder for her cruel remark. Danielle hit her back.</p><p>“How did we never know about this?” Brian wanted to know, ignoring the juvenile antics going on beside him. </p><p>“It was that whole unspoken thing,” Graham explained. “We wanted to help her because she had essentially given us our first grandchild...and Rayanne knew better than to mess with our whole family dynamic. Besides she only lived at the house for about six months.”</p><p>“Did you pay for her to go back to school too?” Angela asked defensively.</p><p>“No of course not,” Graham told her with a furrowed brow.</p><p>“Mom and Dad didn’t need to. She had money from her loser ex husband,” Danielle added in hushed tones.</p><p>“Well, that’s more than I ever wanted to know about that woman,” Angela sighed.</p><p> </p><p>......</p><p> </p><p>While most of the adults were chatting in the kitchen, Rayanne wandered into the living room and found Patty settled on the couch with Chase and Emily. Chase had a photo album on his lap that was almost as big as he was. </p><p>Feeling out of place, Rayanne was thinking she should leave. She came over to let Emily know, but the girl encouraged her to join them. Reluctantly she squeezed in on the end of the couch and leaned over to look at the photos.</p><p>“Chase loves to look at old pictures,” Emily told her. “He’s like obsessed. Especially when Gramma Patty is here. She has all the best stories.”</p><p>“Well I don’t know if I have the best stories,” the older woman admitted, “I just have the most stories.”</p><p>Rayanne smiled at Patty’s comment and continued to look at the page. It looked like one of Emily’s early birthday parties. There was cake all over the child’s face.</p><p>“Have you had a look at these yet?” Patty asked Rayanne with interest. It always caught her off guard how accepting Patty had been of her presence.</p><p>“No, not yet,” she replied quietly as she studied the picture. She was struck by the girl’s blond ringlets and pretty dress. Brian’s parents were on either side of her with big smiles on their faces.</p><p>“That’s Gran and Pops,” Chase said with delight. “They’re old now. We get to see them in winter because it’s hot where they live.”</p><p>“He means we’re taking a trip at winter break to their house in Florida,” Emily clarified. “Which would be cool if they lived near Disneyland, or something. But they live in Miami with all the other old people.”</p><p>“Why do all the old people live there?” Chase asked innocently. “Gramma Patty, you won’t move away too, will you?” The boy asked sadly and rested his head on his grandmother’s arm.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, Chase,” she reassured him. “I’ve lived my whole life in this town.”</p><p>The boy smiled and quickly flipped forward in the album. “I want to look at my pictures,” he announced. Chase stopped on a page of Angela holding him as a new born. She looked so happy. In another photo was a younger Emily kissing the top of the baby’s head.</p><p>“Tell the story,” Chase said to his grandmother. Patty chuckled and nodded.</p><p>“You were born in late august, four years ago,” she started to tell him. “And your mommy was as big as a house! She was so hot and uncomfortable, but very excited. She couldn’t wait to meet you.” Chase wiggled in his seat with glee. “Just as she thought you were never going to come...there you were,” Patty continued and tickled the boy’s tummy for effect.</p><p>Rayanne was feeling a little overwhelmed as she got her first glimpses into their intimate family  moments. Everyone, it seemed, got a photo with the new addition; everyone but Brian. He must have been the one taking all the pictures. </p><p>Danielle walked into the room and leaned over the album from behind the couch. “Hey Chase, flip the page,” she instructed with a mischievous grin. “You’ll get a kick out of this,” she added, addressing Rayanne.</p><p>Chase flipped to another page as his aunt requested and there were two photos of Brian with his son. A loud bark of laughter left Rayanne’s mouth before she catch herself.</p><p>“Let me guess...Dad didn’t fill you in on his sympathy weight gain when my mom was pregnant,” Emily said with a knowing smile.</p><p>“It wasn’t that bad,” Patty added as kindly as possible. “Graham did the same thing when I had Danielle. It’s like the first kid is too stressful, but dads really get into the experience with the second one.”</p><p>“Any excuse to over-eat,” Danielle said as she blew her cheeks up and made a face at her nephew. </p><p>It was Emily who laughed, while her brother furrowed his brow. “He was so chubby,” she giggled.</p><p>“Emmy don’t be mean,” Chase scolded his sister. “You were chubby too.”</p><p>Emily gave an exasperated gasp at her brother’s insult. “I was a kid. I can’t help my chipmunk cheeks,” she protested and rubbed at her face. Then she took Chase’s face in her hands and pinched his cheeks. “See you have them too!” The boy giggled and playfully swatted her hands away.</p><p>Rayanne and Danielle laughed at their childish banter. Their rowdy behaviour brought their mother into the room. “What did you do, Danielle?” Angela grumble at her sister. </p><p>“Why do you always assume things are my fault?” she retorted with an eye roll.</p><p>“Because they usually are,” added Patty with a smile. “Come on kids. Looks like supper is ready.” The older woman stood and took her grandson by the hand. Together they went to the table.</p><p>As everyone went into the dining room, Rayanne stayed seated on the couch. She continued to flip through the rest of the album. When she got to the end she decided to go back to the beginning. </p><p>There was a photo set of Angela’s graduation. The one picture that really caught her attention was the one with Emily and Brian. It must have been her college graduation because Emily was about Chase’s age. Angela still had her hair dyed red; she also wore a diamond ring on her left hand. </p><p>“Hey, are you coming to dinner?” Brian asked as he sat next to her.</p><p>“You looked so happy,” Rayanne said solemnly, referring to the album. Brian took it from her and closed it. </p><p>“We were,” he told her as he cupped her face with one hand, “very happy. That was a long time ago.”</p><p>“It must be hard with her here,” she said in reference to the man’s ex wife. “Maybe I should go, so you can have your family time.”</p><p>Brian leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. “Please stay...but only if you want to.”</p><p>His girlfriend smiled at his kind invitation. Then after a moment she giggled as she remembered the photo from before. </p><p>“So you never told me about the baby weight,” she teased. “That was quite a different look for you.”</p><p>“Oh great you saw that?” he asked and cringed a little. “Is the fantasy over? Can you ever look at me the same way?” he asked with a chuckle.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she joshed, “it was quite a shock.” </p><p>“It wasn’t that bad,” he said defensively. “They say a camera can add ten pounds.”</p><p>“Um, I think that was what people used to say about video cameras,” she told him as she furrowed her brow at the pathetic excuse. “Besides, how many cameras would you say were on you?”</p><p>“Okay, Ray,” he conceded with a sigh of defeat, “I was super fat. Can you let it go now.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I obviously hurt your feelings,” she said sympathetically and kissed his hand. “How can I make it up to you?”</p><p>“Stay for dinner?” he asked with a grin. She had walked right into that one, but agreed to stay.</p><p>“On one condition,” she offered as they began to head to the dining room. “If I get too uncomfortable I can just leave. No questions asked.” Brian smiled at her and nodded.</p><p>......</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, after the grandparents and Danielle went home, Rayanne lingered to hear more stories about other performances from Emily. When it was time for Chase to go to bed he roped her into reading him stories.</p><p>Angela stopped in the doorway as she listened to Rayanne read aloud to her son. It was one of his favourite bedtime stories; “I’ll love you forever”. She wasn’t sure what was bothering her more; the guilt over missed opportunities with her son, or the fact that Rayanne of all people was reading an endearing tale of a mother’s unstoppable love to him. It was like a switch went off in her brain. </p><p>Brian was cleaning up in the kitchen when his ex wife confronted him. He knew she was upset but had trouble hearing her over the rush of water from the tap where he was washing up in the kitchen sink. He put up a finger as he turned off the noise.</p><p>“I’m really sorry, what were you saying?” Brian asked her as he dried his hands on a dish towel.</p><p>“I was asking you about Rayanne, Brian,” she shot back in hushed tones. “What the hell are you thinking? Letting her get so close with our kids?” </p><p>“I told you I was spending time with her,” he stated calmly, not seeing with the danger. “I didn’t realize it wasn’t clear that she was also spending time with the kids. We’re kind of a package deal. You didn’t seem that bothered earlier, or at dinner.”</p><p>“Because I’m a grown woman and I was on my best behaviour,” Angela told him defensively and he rolled his eyes at her.</p><p>“God, this is so typical of you,” she huffed after a moment. “You were always so blind when when it came to Rayanne. You know she’s just going to mess up again. If you get hurt then you only have yourself to blame. But if she hurts our kids that’s just not fair. Not when you could have stepped in and—oh I don’t know—been a good parent.”</p><p>“So now I’m a bad parent?” Brian retorted and threw down the dish towel. “Just so you know, your dad was right. Rayanne really isn’t the same person she was all those years ago.”</p><p>“Here we go! Just get it all out now,” his ex-wife argued back. “Can you even hear how ridiculous you sound?”</p><p>“Hmmm, maybe about as ridiculous as you sounded when you came home and told me you were having an affair with your high school boyfriend?” he loudly whispered in response. “Do you really want to fight about this now?”</p><p>“Seeing as how your delinquent girlfriend is currently cozied up with my four year old son...yes I do,” Angela rebutted with eyes blazing. “How would you feel if I let Jordan spend unsupervised time with Chase?”</p><p>Brian looked away and chuckled to himself. “I would love to hear how Jordan took time out of this evening to read our son a bedtime story; since they’re probably at the same reading level.” He couldn’t help but take such a cheap shot.</p><p>“Brian, this is serious,” she told him as she came to stand next to him. “What about Emily? What are you going to do when Rayanne breaks her heart? I thought we agreed that she had no business in our daughter’s life.”</p><p>“Emily reached out to her first,” he started to explain.</p><p>“Don’t give me that. You are the parent here. The problem is that you’ve filled our daughter’s head with only the good things about Rayanne,” Angela interjected. </p><p>“Angela do you think there’s a chance that this isn’t really about Rayanne? Things have changed a lot in the past few weeks,” Brian told her as he took her hands in his in an attempt to calm her. “I know you feel bad because you don’t see the kids as much as you used to, but I don’t think you should take it out on Rayanne...or me.”</p><p>“I do miss them,” she admitted softly as she looked down at their hands. Angela let herself lace her fingers with his and relaxed a little. It had been wonderful having this time with them. Maybe he was right, how could she tell him how to live his life. Maybe she would just have to make the effort to be with them more often. </p><p>Then Angela looked up into Brian’s eyes. It was the first time she actually realized she’d been missing him too. They had been close friends most of their lives, but had barely spoken since the divorce. In a moment of weakness she let her hands travel up the man’s arms and to her surprise he welcomed her into a warm hug.</p><p>They held onto each other for a long time. Angela hated how comforting he could still be, even when they were meant to be fighting. She used to see his unwavering affection as a weakness. When he had begged her to stay in their marriage—going as far as turning a blind eye to her affair—it made her angry that he could think so little of himself. </p><p>In retrospect, she could see that her husband just wanted her to be happy and hoped that the affair would pass. Only it didn’t and she made her choice. Angela believed that being happy was more important than being stuck in a life that made her miserable. She had believed, at the time, that he was making her miserable.</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” Angela whispered into his ear. </p><p>“You can come and be with the kids whenever you want, you know that right?” Brian told her with a welcoming air.</p><p>Angela nodded and pulled back to look at him. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you before, but I think it’s really great that you moved back here to Three Rivers. My parents are especially happy,” she told him with a grin. “And you look happy,” she added after a moment.</p><p>“I think maybe I was depressed,” he confided, “for longer than I realized. And that wasn’t good for me...for us.” </p><p>Angela was moved by his honesty and leaned forward to kiss him.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Brian asked with alarm as he pulled back and away from her.</p><p>“I thought we had a moment,” Angela told him a little hurt by his rejection.</p><p>“I’m with Rayanne,” he shot back. “And you’re with Jordan.”</p><p>“Oh please, what was all that about inviting me to come stay with you? You wanted it too. Don’t be such a coward,” she challenged him and pulled him closer again.</p><p>“What are you two doing in here?” Came Emily’s accusatory voice from the doorway.</p><p>Angela moved away and turned toward her daughter. “Nothing, we were just having a discussion,” she said, waving her hand dismissively and clearing her throat. “Did you need something, honey?”</p><p>“Yeah, for my parents to act like the divorced people they are and stop canoodling in the kitchen,” she drawled sardonically. “I mean I don’t care, but Chase might get the wrong idea. Or, you know, Rayanne.”</p><p>Brian was suddenly racked with guilt and knew he had to address her concerns head on. “Nothing is going on,” he said as he looked to Angela who was nodding. “We had a little misunderstanding. Besides, there was no canoodling, Emily.”</p><p>“Hmm, if you say so,” she said from the hallway, unconvinced.</p><p>Brian offered his bed to Angela that night and slept on a cot in Chase’s room. He didn’t trust his ex wife not to try something. He decided not to say anything to Rayanne, not right away.<br/>......</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Includes a flashback denoted by ~~~~<br/>Hope it’s not too confusing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At school Monday morning, Sharon sat down across from Rayanne in the teacher’s lounge. Rayanne was flipping through a student file, doing her best to look occupied. Sharon would not be deterred so easily and put a hand down to stop her friend from looking at the page she was reading.</p><p>“Okay spill, Bliss,” the science teacher demanded with raised brows. “I need details.”</p><p>“What are you on about, Vinovich?” the councillor asked with feigned disinterest.</p><p>“Um, let’s just say that I had lunch with a certain old friend of ours yesterday and I need to hear your side,” Sharon said vaguely. When Rayanne looked confused she rolled her eyes. “Angela, I had lunch with Angela!” she blurted loudly.</p><p>“Oh that’s nice,” Rayanne said with a casual air. “How is Angela?”</p><p>“You tell me?” Sharon shot back, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. “It sounds like you made quite an impression on her on Saturday.”</p><p>“Oh, what kind of impression?” she asked with curiosity.</p><p>“Let’s just say that Angela is less than happy that her ex-husband is so happy with you,” Sharon rambled. “You should have heard her; it was like she was jealous. She complained about struggling for years to get Brian to improve himself and then you walk back into his life and he’s wonderful again.”</p><p>“That can’t possibly be true,” Rayanne said with disbelief. “It’s all in her head, I’m sure.”</p><p>“Look, I’m on your side,” Sharon added supportively. “I think Angela probably caused the distrust and turmoil in their relationship herself. It’s just more convenient to lay blame on you.”</p><p>“Who’s blaming Rayanne for what now?” Scott asked with a teasing tone as he entered the lounge.</p><p>“None of your business, English teacher man,” Rayanne shot in his direction. “Don’t make me ask you about a certain painting I saw in a particular gallery,” she threatened. Scott shut his mouth and gave her a suspicious look. </p><p>Once satisfied by his silence she turned back to Sharon. “Saturday was fine,” Rayanne began to tell her, “I honestly did everything I could to stay out of her way. I thought things went well.”</p><p>“Maybe too well,” Sharon said with a frown.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Rayanne asked closing the file in front of her and giving Sharon her full attention.</p><p>“I don’t want to freak you out, but I think Angela and Jordan may have broken up,” she said in hushed tones. “She didn’t say so, but she did say that she missed Brian. In fact she said they had this moment where they almost kissed.”</p><p>“No way!” Scott interjected and got physically shoved off by Sharon.</p><p>“Arden, quit it,” she scolded. “This is a private conversation.” </p><p>Scott put his hands up defensively and backed away.</p><p>Rayanne laughed at her friends’ absurd behaviour. “Seriously, it’s all in the woman’s head,” she scoffed. “Brian is not interested in getting back together with her; even if she did break up with her boyfriend.”</p><p>“Okay, if you think so,” Sharon said a little unsure.</p><p>“I know so,” she added confidently. “What does Angela think? She can leave him when he’s all sad and broken and take him back now that he’s better? Um, does for better or worse mean anything anymore?” Rayanne could feel her anger rise and really didn’t expect an answer.</p><p>Sharon reached across the table and put a comforting hand on her forearm. “Sorry, Rayanne. I didn’t mean to stir things up. I just wanted you to know.”</p><p>“Thanks, Share. You’re a good friend,” she said a little more calmly. “Angela will leave town and everything will go back to normal.”</p><p>“Let’s hope so, since we all knew this was a bad idea in the first place,” Scott said from his spot far enough away to evade further assault.</p><p>Sharon rolled her eyes at him, even though she also hoped that Rayanne was right. </p><p>“So how much do you know about that painting?” Scott asked dubiously.</p><p>“Only that you feel ashamed of it and Helfrick denies your existence,” answered Rayanne.</p><p>“Denies my existence?” he repeated in horror. “Ouch.”</p><p>“So did you two do the dirty and now can’t look at each other?” Sharon asked this time.</p><p>“Um...none of your business, thank you very much,” he shot back.</p><p>“See how that feels? To have your private concerns aired out and commented on?” Rayanne snarked.</p><p>“Got it. Man you ladies are in a mood today,” Scott said defensively and then left the lounge.</p><p> </p><p>.....</p><p>After school Rayanne drove Emily home. As they came in through the front door Angela greeted her daughter.</p><p>“Hi honey, how was school?” Angela asked as she played with her daughter’s hair; smoothing it down her back.</p><p>“Mom? What are you still doing here?” Emily asked caught off guard and gave Rayanne a look of alarm.</p><p>“I didn’t have any pressing assignments so I though I would stay in town for a few more days,” her mother explained. “Hello Rayanne,” she added, addressing her with a frown. </p><p>The woman’s tone reminded her of Patty back when she first started hanging out at their house. It made Rayanne to look away, suddenly uncomfortable at being spoken to.</p><p>“Does Dad know?” the girl asked, still unsure.</p><p>“Of course your father knows,” Angela replied with a chuckle. “Did you think I was sneaking around, covertly avoiding him?”</p><p>“Now that would be funny,” Rayanne mumbled nervously. Angela gave her a look that made her feel two feet tall and she decided to retreat. “Well, I’ll be going now.”</p><p>“You haven’t seen Dad yet,” Emily countered. </p><p>“We can tell him she stopped by,” Angela said waving off the girl’s concern. </p><p>Emily seemed to ignore her mother’s nonchalant attitude. “Dad! Rayanne’s here to see you!” the girl called out into the house. </p><p>Angela put a finger in her ear and pulled a face. Rayanne tried not to laugh. It is was clear that she was unappreciative of her daughter yelling in such close proximately.</p><p>Brian appeared from his office at the back of the house. He smiled brightly and then caught his ex wife’s expression. </p><p>“Emily what have I told you about yelling in house?” he scolded, trying to show responsible parenting.</p><p>Emily gave her father a kiss on the cheek despite his best efforts to play bad cop. Then the girl lifted Chase from his spot on the couch and left the grownups alone. </p><p>“I was just leaving,” Rayanne said shyly as she waved with her keys in her hand. Brian jogged over to her in the foyer and slipped on his shoes. </p><p>“I’ll walk you out,” Brian told her as he gave his ex wife a disparaging look over his shoulder.</p><p>Once outside, Brian pulled his girlfriend back to him by the arm. “Are you okay?” he asked with concern. “I was going to tell you that Angela decided to stay in town. She only told me this morning.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” she told him unconvincingly with a shrug. “You don’t have to worry about me.”</p><p>“Hmm, but you know that I do,” he reminded her as he wrapped his arms around her. “She’s going to stay at her parent’s house.”</p><p>“Look, all I ask is that is if you two mess around, just be honest about it,” she told him flatly. </p><p>Brian was appalled that she could make a statement like that with such indifference. His face said as much. </p><p>“There are a lot of emotions happening right now and sometimes things happen,” she added after a moment, remembering what Sharon had told her about an alleged almost kiss.</p><p>“Rayanne, please stop,” he begged her. “Angela is here for her children. Not for me.” When she didn’t look convinced he kissed her. </p><p>“Even if she was, it’s over for me. Believe me,” he continued to tell her. “I gave her every chance to stay together. To everyone else it may have seemed like a surprise, but I had been fighting to stay together for a long time.”</p><p>“I didn’t know,” she said quietly, a little taken aback. “If I can ask, how long was she with Jordan before you ended your marriage?”</p><p>“Several months; almost a year,” he said, sadly. </p><p>Overwhelmed with emotion, Rayanne threw her arms around the man’s neck and kissed him passionately. She knew there was a good chance they were being watched, but she no longer cared. It would appear that her lover didn’t either as he grabbed her hips and pressed her to him.</p><p>“Fuck, I want you,” he told her breathlessly when they parted. </p><p>Even if he hadn’t said the words she could tell he wanted her from his lust blown pupils and erection pressing into her front. He had to take a moment to steady himself and calm down. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to get you so excited,” she said as she blushed and took half a step back; but remained close enough to hide his situation from the neighbours. She tried not to laugh as he unzipped his hoody and tried to let the cool autumn air reverse her handy work. </p><p>“I’m just a little embarrassed,” he admitted as he took long, slow breaths. </p><p>“Don’t be,” she soothed, “there’s no reason to be.”</p><p>“Promise me we can get together soon,” he said as he nuzzled back into her neck. She could feel a cool hand sneak it’s way under her jacket and shirt; pressing against her bare back.</p><p>“I promise,” she told him as she cupped his chin and retook the man’s focus. “Now either let me leave, or come with me. Just know that I am not going back in the house.”</p><p>Brian smiled into her hand and kissed her palm. “You better go,” he said quietly as he released her. The woman couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear as she walked the rest of the way to her car. </p><p> </p><p>He came back into the the house and deposited his shoes back in their place by the door. Angela was standing close by with the her arms crossed over her front.</p><p>“You look like you have something to say,” he observed, not really caring what is was.</p><p>“I’m just worried for you, that’s all,” she told him bluntly.</p><p>“Thanks. It’s nice to see you so concerned for my wellbeing all of a sudden,” he retorted sarcastically.</p><p>“Brian, I just...” she began to say, but he cut her off.</p><p>“Just what, Ange? Are you still with Jordan?” He was angry now and she shrank back a little.</p><p>“Yes, you know I am,” she replied, letting her arms fall to her sides.</p><p>“Then go spend time with your children and leave me alone,” he advised and then shut himself back in his office.</p><p>.....</p><p>The next afternoon Brian was taking a much needed break from work and he decided to clean up the kitchen.</p><p>He was putting away a few of Chase’s plastic cups when one of them fell to the floor and rolled away under the table. As he went to stand up, after retrieving it, he hit his head on the underside of the table. For some reason he looked up at it accusingly, like it had moved and gotten in his way on purpose.</p><p>Something caught his eye. There was a heart carved on the underside and the initials; RG and BK. It was something he’d never seen before, but must have been there for ages. His parents had left a few pieces of furniture in the house and the table was one of them.</p><p>He ran a finger over the markings and smiled. It was just like teenaged Rayanne to vandalize something in such an obtuse way. Then he suddenly remembered Rayanne complaining about nothing in the house being hers and frowned.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Emily was asleep in her bassinet on the kitchen table. They’d brought her home a couple of weeks before and this was one of the first times she had settled without someone holding her.</p><p>“It’s like I’m a permanent guest, or a well cared for hostage,” Rayanne huffed with frustration.</p><p>“Don’t let my parents let you hear you say you feel like a hostage. Besides you have your own things,” Brian told her playfully.</p><p>“No, not really. That baby has more stuff than I do,” she shot back.</p><p>“Don’t let my parents hear you call Emily ‘that baby’ either,” he grumbled as he was quickly losing patience.</p><p>“Brian, I just feel like after all that time in the hospital and now your parents are all on top of us...maybe I just need to go spend some time with my mom. I can take Emily and give you a chance to catch up on school work and—you know— sleep,” she suggested a little more rationally.</p><p>“Yeah, but as you just said; all her stuff is here. I mean, does Amber really want a crying newborn in her little apartment?” he asked trying to reason with her.</p><p>“Then you would be okay if I went and stayed with my mom for a few days?” she asked as sweetly as possible.</p><p>“Rayanne, Emily just came home,” he said, obviously confused.</p><p>“So?” she added, not following his train of thought.</p><p>“So, she needs you,” he told her, stating the obvious.</p><p>“Not really. I mean my itty bitty boobs don’t make enough food for her and she loves when you hold her,” she explained with a touch of indifference.</p><p>Just then Emily started fussing in her bassinet and quickly worked up to a full crying fit.</p><p>“Rayanne?” he prompted when she failed to react.</p><p>“What? She never settles for me. You pick her up,” she instructed with what came off as annoyance. Really she was afraid and feeling insecure.</p><p>The seventeen year old rolled his eyes at his girlfriend and picked up his daughter.</p><p>“She would settle with you if you made the effort,” he muttered as he gentle rocked with Emily against his chest. Within moments the baby was soothed.</p><p>“God, what were we thinking?” she asked, not expecting an answer. She could see Brian was not asking the same question and it made her feel bad about herself.</p><p>Rayanne got up and left the room so he wouldn’t see her cry. He wanted desperately to run after her, but had his hands full. </p><p>What he didn’t know then was that she was already sneaking a drink here and there in order to cope with how lost she was feeling. It was about a week and a half later that it became apparent that there was something wrong.</p><p>It was like time bled into itself and Brian was once again sitting in the kitchen, holding his daughter when Angela walked in with his assignments.</p><p>“So Sharon snagged Chemistry and Spanish, and I got you English, Economics and Calculus,” she told him as she pulled the books and papers onto the table.</p><p>“I feel like this is exactly where you were the last time I was here,” she added with a sigh.</p><p>“My parents are sleeping; we take shifts,” he said with a shrug.</p><p>“And Rayanne...is she sleeping?” Angela asked with interest.</p><p>“No...I mean, I don’t know,” Brian told her as he shifted the infant in his arms.</p><p>“Let me take her,” she offered with a smile and gathered the swaddled baby up and sat next to him.</p><p>“She was right, this is harder than I thought it was going to be,” he lamented as he dragged a hand over his face. He just couldn’t understand why Angela was always ready to hold Emily and Rayanne was so resistant.</p><p>“You look exhausted. I think, maybe, I should get my mom to talk to your mom and work something out. I mean, she’s working a lot less now since they sold the business and I know she is dying to get her hands on this little cutie,” Angela rambled and made amusing faces at the baby. Emily gurgled a little in response.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he started to say and then caught himself.</p><p>“You’re parents are still working and you’re trying to keep up to finish this year on time. What don’t you know? Let us help. I can ask Rayanne if it’ll make you feel better,” the red haired girl told him in earnest.</p><p>Brian stayed quiet and put a hand on his daughter’s back as she rested on Angela’s front.</p><p>“Brian, where’s Rayanne?” his friend asked again with more concern.</p><p>“She went to stay with her mom,” he whispered.</p><p>“What? When?” she asked in disbelief.</p><p>“A few days ago, I think,” he said just as quietly.</p><p>“You think? But she’s coming back?” Angela was starting to think there was more going on than he was saying.</p><p>She lay the baby back in her bassinet and turned her full attention on him.</p><p>“Brian...what’s going on? Come on, talk to me,” she said softly and put a supportive arm around him.</p><p>“I don’t know if she’s coming back. She’s been so unhappy. When she asked to stay with her mom I thought it would help, but I think she regrets keeping Emily,” he confessed and wiped away a couple of tears that could no longer be held back.</p><p>“Oh Brian. It’ll be okay,” she said, trying to reassure him. </p><p>Angela couldn’t help but wrap both arms around him and hold him close. The boy buried his face into the crook of her neck and held her just as tightly.</p><p>“I know she wanted to keep her for me, but it’s making her miserable. I don’t even know if she loves me anymore,” he sobbed into her shoulder.</p><p>“So what? You’ll give Emily up?” Angela wasn’t convinced.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted and pulled back to look her in the eye.</p><p>“Brian, just wait to talk to her. There’s no sense getting worked up over anything yet, right?” she reasoned.</p><p>“Right,” he parroted unconvincingly. </p><p>She held him to her again and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here to help you,” she soothed.</p><p>What neither of them knew was that Rayanne had come back. She stayed in the hallway and caught most of their tender scene as it unfolded. Between her day drinking and her postpartum mood swings, Rayanne was convinced her boyfriend had replaced her. </p><p>In her mind he was probably better off. After all, she was never going to be Angela Chase.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p>Brian stood slowly and rubbed a hand on the back of his head, where he’d hit it on the table. He contemplated what sort of things that table must have been privy to all these years and was glad furniture couldn’t talk.</p><p>Thinking about the first few weeks with Emily and the last few with Rayanne was upsetting for obvious reasons. What was less obvious was why he was possibly repeating himself now. Only this time he had lost Angela and gotten back with Rayanne.</p><p>He stared at the plastic cup in his hand as he sat for a moment on the floor. What if Angela was right? What if this was a huge mistake? He had given Rayanne a home and a child and she walked out, how did he know she wouldn’t do it again?</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rayanne hoped that she would make it through the rest of the week without having to face Angela again. But she was wrong. On Thursday after her morning coffee with Sharon, she found the elegant blond waiting for her in her office.</p><p>“Hello Rayanne,” Angela said with a small smile. “Do you have a few minutes? I would really like to talk to you.”</p><p>Rayanne put on her best councillor facade and tried to pretend that Angela was just like any other parent. “Of course, Angela. Please take a seat,” she offered kindly as she closed the door for privacy. “What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Angela sat down in one of the chairs and looked around the room. Rayanne noticed the woman was fiddling with her purse strap. She looked nervous and out of her element. Angela must have realized that she was meant to speak because she blushed and cleared her throat.</p><p>“So, I want to start by saying that I don’t approve of your relationship with Brian. I don’t even want to think about the diseases you could give him,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I think it’s fair to say that I also distrust your intentions with my daughter and I resent you spending time with my son.”</p><p>Rayanne raised her eyebrows in surprise and leaned back in her chair. “Um, offence taken and I think that most of that was pretty obvious without you stating it,” she replied still a little unsure.</p><p>“After spending most of this week with my kids I came to appreciate how much stress my husband’s been under and I don’t know that you’re making it any easier for him,” Angela continued to elaborate, ignoring her comment.</p><p>Rayanne pursed her lips and tried not to frown. It sounded like her boyfriend’s ex wife was just getting started and she wasn’t sure she was going to like where things were going. She definitely didn’t like how the woman had referred to Brian as her husband.</p><p>“Angela, why don’t you just say what’s really on your mind,” the brunette prodded as politely as possible. “It can’t be that bad.”</p><p>The blond nodded and took a deep breath. Then, as she let it out, she started to tremble and her lower lip wobbled. Rayanne recognized the tell-tale precursor to full blown tears and passed the woman a box of tissue.</p><p>Angela pulled out a couple of sheets and blotted her eyes. “I wasn’t going to cry,” she told her and then took a moment to compose herself. “This is just so much harder than I thought it would be.”</p><p>By now Rayanne was convinced that Angela was going to confess that she was still in love with her ex husband and was going to ask her to back off and let them try again. Not that she would ever concede to such a request. She was not, however, expecting what she did say.</p><p>“I need your help,” Angela said as she tried to sit up straighter. “I’ve been watching Brian all week and I think there’s something wrong with him. Every time I try to talk to him about it he won’t listen.”</p><p>“What do you mean, wrong?” Rayanne asked with concern as she leaned forward on her desk. “Like physically, or mentally?”</p><p>“He’s just off,” Angela said plainly. “His mental health has always been a concern—as you know—when I talked to Emily about what happened back in September I finally realized how bad it got.”</p><p>“Angela, things are way better now,” Rayanne said in an attempt to calm the woman. “He’s in therapy and on medication. He’s been doing well.”</p><p>“But you have to admit what he did on Monday was weird, right?” she asked in all seriousness.  “Is he usually like that with you?”</p><p>Rayanne thought back to Monday afternoon when Angela just about threw her out of the house and Brian followed her to her car. She honestly hadn’t thought anymore about it. “I really don’t know what you’re referring to,” she said with a shake of her head.</p><p>“From where I was standing it looked like he was going to have sex with you right there in the driveway,” she confessed as she lowed her voice.</p><p>“He just missed me,” Rayanne told her with a laugh. “I admit that it was a little unusual. He isn’t always so needy,” she said reflectively. “What else did he do that has you so concerned?” she asked with a light air. She was beginning to think Angela was making things sound more dire than they were on purpose and was starting to worry that she had anterior motives.</p><p>“He’s been really short with me...granted that isn’t knew, but he was doing better. He broke a bowl in the kitchen, which he claims slipped out of his hand,” she said, no longer looking directly at her. “But I could tell he was upset. Then, yesterday, he snapped at Chase for leaving his toys on the floor. Brian never used to yell at his kids. At me sure, but not the kids.”</p><p>Rayanne folded her hands on her desk and pursed her lips again. “Angela, I think maybe you’re stressing him out,” she advised calmly. “Maybe you feel guilty about how things are now and you’re worried over nothing.”</p><p>“That may be the case, but I’m worried that he may working too much and forgetting to take his medication,” Angela said looking her in the eye. </p><p>“Brian wouldn’t do that. He knows how important it is that he keeps it together for your kids,” she said, completely unconvinced.</p><p>“I know it makes me sound like I’m the crazy one,” Angela admitted, “but I swear I’ve caught him spacing out. He has no idea he’s doing it. I would also like to add that we almost kissed on Saturday night—which I am not telling you to piss you off—it was just weird, how open he suddenly was to my attention.”</p><p>Rayanne wasn’t buying into that story anymore. “Has anything else happened between you?” she asked not really sure she wanted to know.</p><p>“No, nothing,” the blond said adamantly. </p><p>“Angela I can talk to him if you want, but I don’t know if all this drama is warranted,” Rayanne told her and then found her herself asking, “Can I just ask how things are going with you and Jordan? Are you still together?”</p><p>“Oh sure,” Angela said as she blotted her eyes again. “He’s in New York spending time with his son,” she informed her that she was discussing the weather.</p><p>“Oh, he has a son?” the brunette commented with a toss of her hair.</p><p>“Yeah, he’s about seven,” Angela said with a smile. “It seemed like good timing. I would spend time with my kids while he had time with his kid,” she explained casually.</p><p>“Cool,” Rayanne sighed at a loss for anything else to say. “So how long are you in town?”</p><p>“I would like to head back on Sunday, but honestly I want to find out what’s going on with Brian first,” Angela told her and then stood. “Please call me when you have anything to tell me.”</p><p>“Of course, but I’m going to be completely transparent to Brian about all of this,” she said confidently. </p><p>Angela nodded. “You do whatever works for you,” she replied and then left without another word.</p><p>Rayanne was left in a fog of confusion. That had been one of the weirdest conversations she’d had in a while. Clearly the woman hated her. Maybe Angela thought that if she could convince her that Brian was a lost cause that she leave her family alone. Lucky for Rayanne, she was the queen of lost causes and wasn’t about to run away this time.</p><p>.....</p><p>Saturday morning Rayanne was meant to meet Brian for brunch so they could discuss how things were going and see if there was any truth to Angela’s concerns. She had pulled on her long-sleeved knit dress, but hadn’t yet managed her stockings when her phone rang.</p><p>“Hey Rayanne, it’s Brian,” came her boyfriend’s voice when she answered. “I know I’m early, but can I come up?”</p><p>“You’re downstairs?” she asked him slightly confused. </p><p>“Yeah, can you buzz me in?” he asked sounding a little on edge. She went ahead and buzzed him in. A little knot of worry settle in the pit of her stomach. Maybe this is what Angela had meant by him seeming ‘off’.</p><p>Rayanne opened her door and the man came in and closed it. He was a little out of breath from climbing the stairs so quickly. She saw a funny look in his eye and caught sight of a cut on his face.</p><p>“Hey are you okay?” She asked him hesitantly. He nodded slightly and then rushed her; possessing her mouth with his in an almost desperate manner.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he told her between kisses, “I just really need you right now.”</p><p>“S’okay,” she managed to tell him, “I’ve got you.” Only she wasn’t sure that she did. He was acting quite manic, even for him. It was like he was drowning and she was the only keeping him afloat.</p><p>She tried to pull away to get a better read on him, but he wasn’t letting her. “Brian, can you stop for a second?” she pleaded, but was met with more contact as he groped at her ass again and very unapologetically rubbed his front to hers.</p><p>She reached around and yanked his hands away from her behind. If it was sex he wanted she would give to him, but she needed him to calm down just a little.</p><p>“Brian, can you stop just for a second,” she repeated in vain. This time his hands were pulling up her skirt and it triggered her. She used all her strength to pull away and slap him.</p><p>He finally stopped and looked at her. A tiny trickle of blood went down his face where her assault had caused the cut to reopen. Before he could say anything, she went into her bathroom for a first aid kit. Then she hurried to the kitchen and got a glass of water. When she came back out her boyfriend was slumped on the sofa.</p><p>She sat on the coffee table and opened her kit. She dabbed at the blood with some cotton and cleaned it with alcohol. It was only when she applied a bandage that he looked up at her. She handed him the glass of water, which he drank almost completely.</p><p>Rayanne moved next to him on the sofa and pulled him to her so his head rested on her shoulder. “Do you think you can tell me what’s going on with you?” she asked softly, unsure if he would answer at all.</p><p>Brian sat up and pulled away so he could face her. He touched the bandage on his face hesitantly. “I cut myself,” he said almost too quiet to hear. “I had to come find you.”</p><p>It was getting harder for Rayanne to stay calm. After her lover’s previous dissociative episode she was so sure that nothing like it would ever happen again. He was doing everything right, nothing had changed—except for his ex-wife’s presence. She was convinced there was something else going on. </p><p>When Brian didn’t offer her anymore information she decided to try to discern it on her own. “Did you cut yourself shaving?” she asked and he nodded. “Are the kids with Angela?” He nodded again. “Did you sleep last night?” He shook his head. “Did you take your medication?”</p><p>He looked away and finished off the glass of water. “Ray, I don’t know. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember,” he confessed and buried his face in his hands.</p><p>“Can you please tell me what you do remember, Brian? ‘Cause I’m getting scared,” she said trying to hold on to her composure.</p><p>“Angela said she thought she was causing me unneeded stress. So she got a hotel room and took the kids to stay with her overnight last night,” he explained slowly. “She’s done it before. It’s this thing they do so they can see how much fun she has when she travels.”</p><p>“So you were alone last night,” Rayanne repeated to get the full meaning of what he told her. </p><p>“I was fine,” he continued, “I was working. I guess I lost track of the time. I think I got a few hours of sleep. This morning I was just nervous about seeing you...but then I cut my face shaving.”</p><p>Nothing he had told her so far could account for the state he was in when he’d arrived. Then she noted his fixation on the cut. “Is that how it happened before? Did you cut yourself with a razor blade shaving and then...”</p><p>“I just had to come find you,” he muttered into his hands. Rayanne put her arms around her boyfriend’s shoulders. </p><p>“I’m right here, I’ve got you,” she told him again. “Do you want me to call your doctor?” she asked after a moment. He shook his head and then sat up again.</p><p>“I think I should go home and go back to bed,” he told her plainly. </p><p>“Okay, give me a minute and I’ll come with you,” she informed him and went to her room to pack an over-night bag. He watched her go, but followed her a few minutes later.</p><p>“Rayanne, what are you doing?” Brian asked as she continued to gather her things.</p><p>“Look, I am not letting you drive home like this. I can’t even believe you made it here in one piece,” she started to tell him. “You need me, you said so yourself. So fuck it,” she continued, “You’ve got me. I’ll come and stay with you and we can work out the details later. Just let me check my fridge and grab my phone charger.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do this,” he protested, feeling like a burden. </p><p>“I know,” she said with a smile as she emptied her perishables into a tote. “I want to. So let me.” When she was done she handed him the bag and closed the fridge door. “Okay, I think I’ve got everything.”</p><p>They drove back in Brian’s car; she would have to retrieve hers at a later time. Once they settled in she made him some oatmeal and watched him take his medication. For a woman who was never quite certain of herself, she suddenly felt more certain than ever. </p><p>Angela returned with the kids around dinner time. They had picked up take out Chinese food and were helping themselves in the kitchen when Rayanne walked in. </p><p>After giving Chase and Emily warm hugs she asked Angela to join her in the hall.</p><p>“Things must be pretty bad if you’re here right now,” Angela sighed. </p><p>“Yeah, well, Brian’s sleeping upstairs,” Rayanne told her. “You were right. He is not coping well. I think I might try to go with him to his next session with Dr. Finch.”</p><p>“What happened exactly?” the blond asked in need of further explanation.</p><p>“Same old, same old,” she said trying to keep the anxiety out of her voice. “Brian lost his shit. We traced it back to lack of sleep and lack of nutrition and probably lack of taking his medication as directed.”</p><p>“God, how could he?” Angela huffed, obviously upset. “I need him to take responsibility for himself. If he needed help he should have asked for it.”</p><p>“Oh I am with you on that,” Rayanne agreed. “So I’ve moved in...for now. I hope you won’t fight me on this.”</p><p>Angela looked like she was about to argue, but caught herself and looked in the direction of the kitchen. “If I could stay I would very much like to fight you; but I have to get back to New York tomorrow. I leave on assignment Monday.” The taller woman sighed, feeling at a loss. “The important thing is that the kids need their father and you can make sure that he gets himself together.”</p><p>“That’s my official job right now,” Rayanne chuckled. “Because as much as I don’t want to lose him; I can’t even contemplate his kids losing him.”</p><p>“Rayanne, do you need me to stay? Forget about all our past bullshit. Does Brian need to be hospitalized?” Angela asked very frankly.</p><p>“No, I think he’s okay,” she said calmly. “Like I said, I’ll get him in with his therapist and we’ll get things back on track.”</p><p>“Because that worked so well before,” her rival spouted sardonically. “Why do you seem so good at this now? No offence, but you used to be terrible at taking care of other people,” she asked with more sincerity.</p><p>“When my mom got sick I guess I learned how. I couldn’t just let her push me away. I guess I finally toughened up,” she confessed sombrely.</p><p>“I’m sorry...about your mom,” Angela offered. Only it felt like too many years too late.</p><p>“Thanks. And thank you...you know for everything you’ve been to Emily,” Rayanne added as she tried not to break down and cry. So much for being tough.</p><p>The two women stood in silence. It was an opportune moment to hug and let go of the animosity between them...but neither one was quite there yet.</p><p>......</p><p>Rayanne brought Brian a plate of leftovers that she’d brought from her house. She was a little concerned that the MSG in the Chinese food might mess with his already compromised mental state. The man stirred as she set the food down next to him on his bedside table.</p><p>“Hungry?” She asked playfully. He had other ideas and pulled her down to him and kissed her lovingly.</p><p>“What would I do without you?” he mused sadly. She caressed his face, near the cut and smiled warmly.</p><p>“So I have made you a fancy schedule on a white board I want to put up in the kitchen,” she told him. “I have different colours for each of us and cute magnets for things like doctor’s appointments and recitals.”</p><p>Brian laughed a little at her odd enthusiasm as he sat up in bed. “You’ve been busy,” he observed with a yawn. Then his girlfriend handed him a notebook.</p><p>“This book is for you,” she instructed. “I want you to log what time you took your meds, everyday. And it might be helpful to track what you eat and how you’ve slept and what kind of mood you’re in when you wake up. You may think this is a waste of time, but it can help us track your triggers.”</p><p>“Dr. Finch recommended something similar,” he grumbled. </p><p>“And are you doing it?” she asked like she was reprimanding a child.</p><p>“No, Miss Bliss. I am not,” he pouted and grave her puppy dog eyes. Then he took her hand and started to kiss up her arm.</p><p>“Stop it,” she giggled and pulled away. “Only good boys get sexy rewards.” </p><p>Brian sulked and reluctantly started eating the food she’d brought him. Then he ate in earnest when he discovered how hungry he actually was.</p><p>“The kids are home. Don’t worry, Emily and I will get Chase to bed,” she told him and patted his blanket covered leg. </p><p>“Rayanne,” he said with a mouthful of food. She was about to leave, but he wanted say something. His girlfriend stopped and waited for him to swallow. “I love you,” he told her boldly.</p><p>“I love you too, Brian,” she admitted freely. Then she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I’ll come check on you later.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The very idea of therapy was unnerving to Rayanne. It helped a little that this doctor’s office was in a mid-century style home rather than a cold, uninviting office building. The waiting area looked like someone’s sitting room. She half expected to see family photos on the walls. There’re weren’t of course, only tasteful landscapes.</p><p>When it was time for Brian’s appointment he was shown into the next room. She followed him silently and was relieved that it looked just as normal and welcoming as the first. Dr. Finch was a middle aged woman with greying hair that fell to her shoulders. She offered Rayanne her hand since this was the first time they were meeting in person.</p><p>“Hello, so good to finally meet you, Rayanne,” said the doctor as she gave her a quick but firm handshake.</p><p>“Hi, Dr. Finch. I hope it’s okay if I sit in today?” she asked a little nervously.</p><p>“Of course, as long as Brian if alright with it,” Dr. Finch replied and Brian nodded as he sat in one of the two arm chairs. </p><p>Rayanne was surprised that there wasn’t a couch like in the movies. She hesitantly sat in the other arm chair next to her boyfriend.</p><p>Dr. Finch took out a small black book and pen and sat quietly, as though waiting for Brian to gather his thoughts.</p><p>“Take your time,” she advised warmly and watched his expression. Rayanne could see that the woman was already jotting something down, even without a single word spoken.</p><p>Rayanne took her cues from the doctor and sat patiently while Brian fiddled with his hands. It was becoming a struggle to keep her mouth shut. She knew why they were there and what had happened, but also understood the importance of her lover expressing it to her himself; in his own words.</p><p>“So...I had a set back,” he said at last as he continued to look at his hands. “I’m not really sure what else to call it.”</p><p>Unable to tolerate his fidgeting any longer, Rayanne reached over and held onto his left hand supportively. This appeared to calm him a little. Brian looked up at her and then over to Dr. Finch.</p><p>“We all have set backs sometimes. What is import is that we learn from them,” offered the good doctor.</p><p>“See, I don’t know if I learned anything that I didn’t already know,” Brian said sharply, furrowing his brow. “I know that I pushed down my stress and anxiety instead of dealing with it. And I know that I shouldn’t have continued to put everyone else’s concerns before my own, but I did.”</p><p>“Did you try using some of the coping mechanisms we’ve discussed?” asked Dr. Finch with interest.</p><p>“Well, I tried to distract myself, but I guess I went too far with that and forgot to check in with my basic needs,” he confessed crossly.</p><p>“Can you explain what you mean,” she instructed.</p><p>“I mean that my ex wife decided to stay longer than she was welcome in my house, so I tried to  find time with my kids and my girlfriend, but failed. So I threw myself into work,” he explained as he started to tap his foot. “Then when Angela took the kids overnight I continued to work. I was forgetting to eat and I wasn’t sleeping well.”</p><p>“Did you not feel you could discuss your discomfort with Angela?” Dr. Finch asked with some concern. “Or if not Angela, did you not feel you could discuss your needs with your girlfriend?”</p><p>“That’s the problem. I don’t want to talk to Angela. I don’t trust her,” he shot back obviously agitated. “Our son is so happy to see his mom that I don’t feel I can tell her to leave.”</p><p>“What about leaning on Rayanne? Do you not trust her?” His doctor asked sincerely.</p><p>“Of course I do, but I can’t ask her to drop everything for me,” he retorted defensively.</p><p>“But you went to her when you were in crisis?” she asked, trying to get him to see where is assumptions were skewed.</p><p>Brian leaned back in the chair and took off his glasses. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, the other still holding on tightly to Rayanne.</p><p>“Brian, I don’t want to create problems where there are none, but I am going to ask you again. Do you trust Rayanne?” Dr. Finch kept her tone even and clinical.</p><p>“I want to,” he sighed, “but maybe I don’t.”</p><p>Rayanne could see the disappointment in his eyes. Logically she knew that his distrust came from a history of her acting out and disappearing; but she was just a girl then. </p><p>“Do you think you can try to explain what it is about your relationship that is holding you back from confiding in her? This might help us see if there is a possible solution,” she theorized as she continued to make notations in her book.</p><p>The man remained quiet as he set his glasses back in place. It didn’t seem like he needed to think it over; it looked like he didn’t want to say whatever it was.</p><p>“Do you want me to leave so you can talk privately?” Rayanne asked, holding back her hurt feelings.</p><p>“No, I want you here,” he said in earnest as he squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m acting like child.”</p><p>Rayanne gave him a look of confusion. She looked to Dr. Finch and then back at her boyfriend. “I don’t think you’re acting like a child. I think you have good reason not to trust me,” she reassured him.</p><p>“Why do you that is, Rayanne?” Dr. Finch asked, addressing her for the first time since she walked in.</p><p>“We were practically engaged and I literally ran away from him...and our daughter,” Rayanne explained plainly. “I know he loves me, but sometimes I feel like the only way Brian will ever believe that I am not going to run out on him again is to defy his expectations. Stay and grow old with him.”</p><p>“You mean spend the rest of your life with a man who distrusts you?” Dr. Finch asked to be sure she was hearing her correctly.</p><p>“No. God no...that sounds unbearable,” Rayanne replied.</p><p>“That is what you said though, isn’t it?” the doctor reiterated.</p><p>Rayanne sat in silence, completely taken aback by the woman’s statement. She wanted to share her life with Brian and his children, but how could she? If he couldn’t find a way past his distrust he would continue to relapse. And she knew deep down that she didn’t want to be the cause of his problems.</p><p>Besides which, she had already experienced a marriage with a man who led her to believe she was everything to him when clearly he had had unspoken conditions to his affections.</p><p>“Then I was wrong. I can’t do that,” Rayanne said with shame. She turned to Brian and looked him in the eyes. “Brian, I can’t be with you if you won’t trust me.”</p><p>“I know,” he said soberly. “I want you in my life so badly.”</p><p>“Brian, you need to let go of that fucked up teenage girl who broke your heart. She’s gone. She grew up and took responsibility for her life,” Rayanne told him as her voice trembled. “This is why I knew we shouldn’t be together.”</p><p>“When did you ever say that?” he asked taken aback.</p><p>“Um, when you showed up at my apartment and I told you at least twice that I didn’t want to be your friend,” she explained. “It implied that we obviously shouldn’t be lovers and I wasn’t going to sit back and watch you make a life with someone else. You were the one who wanted to do this. You were the one who was so sure we could make this work.” </p><p>“Great, so I’m to blame then? That’s very convenient for you,” he argued back at her.</p><p>“You just sat there and lied to your doctor a moment ago about trusting me. I’m not trying to lay blame. I’m trying to get you to understand my side,” Rayanne told him as civilly as possible.</p><p>“Rayanne, can I interject?” asked Dr. Finch politely. Rayanne nodded and wiped away a couple of stray tears. The doctor handed her a box of tissues and then turned her attention back to her patient.</p><p>“Brian, you said that you wanted Rayanne in your life very badly. Can you elaborate on that for me?” she suggested as calmly as ever.</p><p>The man swallowed the lump in his throat and took a steadying breath. “I’ve watch my daughter her whole life and I’ve seen so much of Rayanne in her. Sometimes it feels like there’s this puzzle piece missing—not just in her life, but in mine,” he started to tell them. “I also see  a lot of myself; parts that Rayanne was so much better at understanding than Angela.”</p><p>“I know I can never change the past. No one can. And I understand why things happened the way they did. But I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t stop the feeling of loss and distrust,” he continued. “Rayanne has already proven herself to me and my children that she can be relied upon. But when Angela pushed her way back in and started sowing seeds of doubt, I let her. I know it was wrong.”</p><p>“Thank you, Brian,” Dr. Finch said once she was sure he was finished speaking. “I would like to validate that you’re feelings are important. Even the ones you would rather were different. I would also like to advise you that I don’t feel you should give up on your relationship. Together we can work towards rebuilding a foundation of trust that is anchored in the here and now; not in the past.” </p><p>The older woman paused as she let them both take a moment to absorb her advisements. Then she smiled and added, “I would also like to take a moment to have you both appreciate the fact that even when you were arguing you continued to hold each other’s hand.”</p><p>Brian and Rayanne both looked at their hands at the same time. She was right. Even if their words were saying they should be done with each other, their bodies were subconsciously holding on for support.</p><p>.....</p><p>After their session the two sat in the SUV for a few minutes. It was Rayanne who spoke first.</p><p>“That was exhausting,” she sighed.</p><p>“Tell me about it,” he chuckled.</p><p>“So, where do we go from here?” she asked soberly as she stared at the dash.</p><p>“I thought we were going home?” he asked with some hesitation.</p><p>“Hmmm...home. Do you think it helps that I’m staying over?” she mused.</p><p>“God, yes...but don’t give up your independence for me,” he said with a frown and kissed her hand.</p><p>“Bri, I would give up everything for you. I finally know who I am and what I’m capable of and now I want to give all of that to you,” she told him with a tired smile.</p><p>“Stop it...you’ll make me cry,” he said, only half joking.</p><p>“I love you. Not like I did when I was sixteen, or seventeen. I love all of you, even your crazy parts,” she gushed.</p><p>“Hmmm...you know what else is different?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.</p><p>“No, what?” she replied, playing along.</p><p>“More than how you love me; you love yourself completely. I can see it. You know, when I’m not a fucked up basket case,” he told her knowingly.</p><p>“Yeah, I do. I’m pretty awesome,” she said adamantly. “So much better than that neglected, self-medicating little girl who was always afraid of being rejected. Although, I suppose I love her too,” she admitted with a shrug.</p><p>“Me too,” he smiled and kissed her hand again.</p><p>“It was kind of trippy watching you go all therapy speak...it was like listening to your parents,” she laughed nervously.</p><p>“You realize that both of us have a working knowledge of psychology and are sadly a lot like my parents,” he commented casually and it made her shudder.<br/>“Ick, don’t tell them that. Hey, what have you told Bernice and Bob?” She was suddenly curious to know.</p><p>“Please don’t be mad...but I haven’t actually told them anything,” he cringed.</p><p>“What!?” she shouted and hit him in the arm.</p><p>“How could I when I was struggling with everything? I didn’t need their voices in my head on top everything else,” he explained as he rubbed his arm.</p><p>“You know that Patty talks to Bernice from time to time,” she shot back.</p><p>“Yeah, well my mom hasn’t said anything,” he said with a shrug.</p><p>“Sure, she’s waiting for you to and if you don’t, she’ll eat you alive when you go down for the holidays,” she warned him.</p><p>“Oh fuck...I forgot,” he whined.</p><p>“I can go with you if you want. I’ll be off from work,” she said a little calmer.</p><p>“You would be willing to subject yourself to both of my parents for a solid ten days?” Brian wasn’t so sure she had thought this through.</p><p>“If I don’t go won’t you just spend the whole time worrying about what I’m getting up to...whether you should or not?” she rambled.</p><p>“Yes,” he groaned, hating that he knew he would.</p><p>“Then that’s settled. We still have at least three sessions before then, so we should be all set to spend time with your parents,” she rationalized and patted his arm.</p><p>“We?” he asked skeptically.</p><p>“Oh yeah. You heard Dr. Finch, we’re rebuilding our trust. That means I’m coming with you,” she smiled mischievously at him.</p><p>“I thought I was going to be the control freak in this relationship,” he commented with a shake of his head.</p><p>“Buckle up, Bri...you’re stuck with me,” she laughed playfully and then turned the key in the ignition.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rickie finally shows up.</p>
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    <p>A couple of days later, after the school day was done, Sharon pulled Rayanne out of her office and dragged her down the hall. </p><p>“Sharon, if the building is on fire there are alarms for that sort of thing,” the councillor protested.</p><p>“Just shush and look,” the science teacher instructed.</p><p>The two had come around the corner and stopped just outside of Scott’s English class. They could hear two people arguing. It was like something out of a Scooby Doo cartoon as the two women quietly peeked inside; Rayanne crouched low so Sharon could lean in over top of her.</p><p>Both men were standing in profile, closely together. One was Scott and the other was Rickie. Rayanne was amazed to see him, especially so angry. They were speaking in hushed tones so it was difficult to hear what they were saying. </p><p>“You’re over-reacting,” Scott said dismissively.</p><p>“It’s funny that you would say that. You of all people,” Rickie shot back aggressively.</p><p>“I really think this is a conversation you should be having with someone else,” said the teacher as his visitor began to walk towards the doorway. </p><p>The two women stood abruptly, but knew they didn’t have time to disappear. They decided to play it cool like they had just stopped by coincidence to see Scott.</p><p>“Hey Aden are you decent,” Rayanne called as she pretended to walk up the the doorway for the first time.</p><p>Rickie almost barrelled into her as she entered the classroom. He looked at her with obvious confusion.</p><p>“Rayanne? What are you doing here?” he asked and then he noticed Sharon. “And Sharon?”</p><p>“Well we do work here,” she rebutted as normally as possible.</p><p>“Forget about her. What are you doing here?” Sharon said with enthusiasm, doing her best to look surprised. Before he could answer she gave him a quick hug.</p><p>“Still a hugger, I see,” as he hugged her back nervously.</p><p>“So, how much of that did you hear?” Scott asked with an accusatory tone.</p><p>“Hear of what?” Sharon feigned ignorance well.</p><p>“Yeah, we just came by to see if you wanted to join us for coffee,” Rayanne added with a wave of her hand. “We didn’t even know Enrique was here.”</p><p>“Why don’t you join us?” Sharon offered with a smile.</p><p>“That would be great! I mean, when was the last time you were in town?” Rayanne continued with a smile to match.</p><p>“Wow, you two are like twins...did you rehearse this act, or are you just so involved with each other that the spooky resemblance comes naturally now,” Rickie wondered as he raised his brows.</p><p>“Hey I will take that as a compliment,” Rayanne retorted as the man walked past her.</p><p>“Yeah, you probably should,” he muttered.</p><p>“Don’t mind Rickie. He’s just so above us townies,” Scott shot off defensively.</p><p>“Wait...are you two not getting along?” Rayanne asked coyly.</p><p>“Rayanne...stop. You’re only embarrassing yourself,” Rickie told her tersely.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll just mind my own business,” she muttered.</p><p>“Oh please, first you would have to understand the concept,” Rickie said coldly.</p><p>“Excuse me?” Rayanne turned on him and looked like she was ready for a fight.</p><p>Scott came up behind the petit woman and put a hand on each shoulder, ready to told her back if necessary.</p><p>“I think Rickie was just leaving,” Scott said with nod to the man in question.</p><p>“Yeah...I’ll have to take a rain check on that coffee,” Rickie added before leaving the room.</p><p>“What the actual fuck?” Rayanne wanted to know.</p><p>“Don’t ask,” Scott said with a shake of his head as he let his hands drop away.</p><p>“I’ve never seen Rickie be so...I don’t...whatever that was,” Sharon said at a loss.</p><p>Rayanne took off down the hall and called after her so-called friend.</p><p>“Hey Rickie! You wanna come back here and talk to me for a minute.”</p><p>He stopped and stood for a moment and then slowly turned around and walked back to her. There were a couple of other teachers walking past and they gave them an odd glance as they went by.</p><p>“What, Rayanne?” he huffed.</p><p>“Why are you suddenly so mad at me? You’re the one who is hard to get a hold of,” she said with confusion.</p><p>“You just can’t leave well enough alone. I mean, how long was Brian single before you bulldozed your way back into his life?” Rickie asked as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.</p><p>“You’re mad at me for being in a relationship with Brian?” she replied in disbelief.</p><p>“Angela told me how things have been going and they don’t sound great,” he added with a sigh.</p><p>“First of all, just so you know, Brian was headed for disaster whether or not I was around. Secondly, Angela is coming around. We might actually not hate each other anymore,” she informed him as she narrowed her eyes.</p><p>“And Corey?” he asked vaguely causing her to tilt her head.</p><p>“What about Corey? I barely see him,” she told him defensively.</p><p>“So this wasn’t your idea?” Rickie shot back, still not trusting anything she said.</p><p>“Was what my idea? You’re gonna need to be more specific, or at least give me a clue here,” she said crossing her arms to match his posture.</p><p>“You didn’t set Corey up with Scott?” he wanted to know.</p><p>“God no. Why would I even make such a terrible suggestion? But you think that sounds just like me. Careless, urge driven Rayanne. Fine...whatever,” she rambled and then turned to walk away from him.</p><p>“Rayanne, you know what it looks like,” he called after her. </p><p>She marched back and poked him in the chest with her index finger. “No. I have no idea. I didn’t even know what was going on...to be honest; I still don’t. You know why? Because Scott didn’t tell me and I respect his privacy,” </p><p>“Well, we were working things out,” Rickie told her adamantly.</p><p>“Who? You and Corey? ‘Cause last time I did see Corey he sounded like he was pretty much over you; said you didn’t have time for him,” she told him with a frown.</p><p>“I know. I really messed up,” he admitted and leaned on a locker.</p><p>“But you guys haven’t been together, like actually together for a while, right?” she asked with more sincerity.</p><p>“We’ve been on and off for years.”</p><p>“And how does Scott fit into this?” Rayanne asked as she came to stand next to him.</p><p>“I met with Corey earlier today and he told me they hung out last summer and really hit it off. Who knew, after all these years they’d never really been friends. It turns out that Scott posed for Corey when he was having some art block and things snow balled from there,” he explained with a touch of sadness.</p><p>“So they did get physical,” she added, getting the idea.</p><p>“I guess neither one was looking to get serious at the time and they just started avoiding each other. Then, after you and Sharon showed up at Corey’s gallery, Scott turns up again and wants to see if there is something more between them,” Rickie continued.</p><p>“So naturally you think it was my idea,” she said, adding up his assumptions.</p><p>“But you didn’t know,” he concluded.</p><p>“Nope,” she added in earnest. “So Corey unloads all this on you and instead of arguing with him you storm down here and take it out on Scott?” </p><p>“Corey says he wants to be with Scott right now and I should just leave them be. Maybe I should,” he relented.</p><p>“Ya think?” she chuckled.</p><p>“I’m just so angry about it, you know?” he grumbled.</p><p>“Yeah, Rickie. I totally understand,” she said as she leaned her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“I should get going. I don’t want to miss my train back,” Rickie told her.</p><p>“Next time please tell me when you’re coming over town so we can have a proper visit...like normal adult people,” Rayanne commented.</p><p>“Hmmm...normal. Did we ever do normal?” he teased.</p><p>She made a face at him and they hugged before he turned to go. This time he really did leave.</p><p>Rayanne wandered back into the English classroom and sat on the teacher’s desk. Scott was seated in his chair and Sharon was scribbling away in her agenda seated at one of the student desks.</p><p>“Did you two kiss and make up?” Scott asked as he looked up from the assignments he was grading.</p><p>“I guess so. I still can’t believe he came here to take things out on you,” she told him as she crossed her legs.</p><p>“Does it ever feel like 1995 to anyone else?” Scott huffed.</p><p>“Sometimes, when I first started hanging around Brian again. Less these days,” she observed.</p><p>“Constantly, but that’s what happens when you marry your high school sweetheart,” sighed Sharon.</p><p>“I just can’t believe he would accuse me of being so petty. Like I’d hold a grudge for fifteen years. Um, hello...he had fifteen years to seal the deal with Corey,” he pouted.</p><p>“Just be careful, Scottie. Corey is a lot like Rickie. He may not actually be looking for a long term thing,” Rayanne warned.</p><p>“I know...but we should be the ones to decide that,” he said adamantly.</p><p>“Agreed. Hey Rayanne you never told me what you up to for Thanksgiving,” Sharon prompted as she closed her book.</p><p>“Oh God...I think we might be going over to Graham and Patty’s place. I have no idea,” she groaned.</p><p>“Hmmm...instant extended family fun. I know I’ll be surrounded by my many siblings and their spouses and children at my parents’ house,” Scott grumbled.</p><p>“You guys are so ridiculous. I have the stress of hosting. It’s way worse,” Sharon retorted.</p><p>“Yeah, but at least you get to hide in the kitchen,” Rayanne argued.</p><p>“Sure, until my mom joins me and criticizes my cooking,” she whined.</p><p>“Hey Scott...will Corey be joining you?” Rayanne asked with a wag of her eyebrows.</p><p>“I was thinking about inviting him, but I don’t know that he’ll come.”</p><p>“I think you should totally invite him. His response might give you some insight into how serious he is about your relationship,” advised Sharon.</p><p>“Yeah, but he’s vegan...so declining an awkward afternoon with my loud family and a very large turkey is not really a good gauge,” he said reflectively.</p><p>“Then just think how amazing it would be if he accepted!” Sharon thrilled with a huge smile.</p><p>“There it is—the Sharon I know—the woman who loves love,” said Rayanne as she gestured to her friend.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thanksgiving at the Chase house. That should be fine...</p>
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    <p>The SUV slowed to a stop. Brian made a face as he questioned Rayanne without words.</p><p>“Did you ever watch the movie ‘Clue’ as a kid?” she asked him without any real indication of context.</p><p>“I did,” Emily said from the back seat. “Why?” </p><p>“There’s this bit right at the beginning when Professor Plum stops the car when they pull up at the gate,” Rayanne started to explain.</p><p>“And when Scarlet asks why the car’s stopped, Plum says because it’s frightened,” Emily chuckled.</p><p>“You’re suddenly scared of Graham and Patty?” Brian said with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>“No...not exactly,” she shrugged.</p><p>“Dear Lord. Pull up in the driveway, or I’m revoking your driving privileges,” he scoffed.</p><p>“Ew...you’re not my dad,” she shot back with a sneer of disgust eliciting a fit of giggles from Chase.</p><p>“Yeah, well it’s my car,” he replied quite seriously. “And believe me Ray, I would never want to be compared to being your father,” he added with a sneer of his own.</p><p>The woman did as he instructed and parked in the driveway behind what she guessed was Angela’s fancy rental.</p><p>“Who all is going to be here again?” she asked nervously as she shut off the engine.</p><p>“Other than the obvious...Danielle should be here and Graham’s brother, I think. There was talk about Jordan coming, but I didn’t hear either way if he was,” he told her with frustration.</p><p>“I should have gone to Sharon’s,” she muttered under her breath.</p><p>“Can I go to Aunt Sharon’s too Dad? There are no kids here. It’s going to be boring,” Chase whined from his car seat.</p><p>“Especially if great grandma Vivian is here...she’s the worst. She’s so judgemental,” Emily said adding her two cents.</p><p>“Thank you, now no one wants to here,” Brian grumbled at his girlfriend, but gave her a kiss anyways.</p><p>“Sorry,” she winced.</p><p>It was starting to rain and Brian hurried to free his son from his seat so they could rush under the shelter of the porch. Emily and Rayanne stood and waited, neither one wanting to be first to ring the bell announcing their arrival.</p><p>Brian gave his daughter a look and she rolled her eyes and reluctantly pressed the doorbell. </p><p>“Did anyone grab the dessert?” He asked as he looked to see if one of them was carrying it.</p><p>“Shit...I mean darn,” Rayanne cursed and Chase giggled at her. “I’ll get it. You go inside.”</p><p>The door opened just as Rayanne ran back over to the car and popped the back. She grabbed up the tins of squares she’d made with the kids and ran back to the door.</p><p>“For a second I thought you were making a run for it,” quipped Angela in doorway.</p><p>“That would have made your day, I bet,” Rayanne retorted with a grin.</p><p>“Get in here you weirdo,” she told her playfully. “I’m actually glad that you’re here. Less pressure on me and Jordan.”</p><p>“He’s seriously here?” said Rayanne in disbelief.</p><p>“Yep he’s chatting with my uncle Neil and it’s really surreal,” she told her with a laugh.</p><p>Rayanne followed Angela into the good sized kitchen. It appeared that this house was a downsize in most ways, except the kitchen. She supposed that was Graham’s sole request.</p><p>Patty greeted her warmly and took the tins. “We’ll just leave these here and get out of the way. I’ve already been told off twice,” Patty told the two women.</p><p>“Dad still gets particular about his holiday meals,” Angela added with a knowing air.</p><p>“I swear he almost murdered my mother at Easter,” Patty said with a laugh, even though it had probably been a nightmare.</p><p>“Oh good you came!” called Danielle to Rayanne as she patted the spot next to her on the couch.</p><p>“Hey kid. Keeping out of trouble?” she teased as she sat.</p><p>“I’m trying, but that guy Jordan brought with him is making it very difficult,” she told her in hushed tones.</p><p>“What guy?” Rayanne asked as she looked behind them to see Jordan, Brian and who she guessed was Neil sitting at the dining room table. Chase was telling them something dramatic that involved the need to wave his hands around.</p><p>They seemed a little cramped for space. Patty and Angela sat on the adjacent love seat, while Emily sat next to Rayanne. </p><p>“Now I’m just some guy, Danni?” came a voice from the opposite direction from where Rayanne was looking.</p><p>Rayanne’s face lit up and Angela winced.</p><p>“No-freaking-way!!” Rayanne squealed as she jumped to face the man. “Tino!?”</p><p>“Rayanne!?” Tino thrilled in surprise.</p><p>The two hugged like the long lost friends they were. Emily moved over on the couch as to not get knocked into by their enthusiastic swaying, or splashed by Tino’s glass of wine. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” she asked.</p><p>“I still hang with Catalano when I can,” Tino said with a Cheshire grin.</p><p>“And we all know how Angela likes to open our house to those who have nowhere else to go for the holidays,” Patty said sardonically.</p><p>“Mom, don’t say that like he’s homeless,” Angela shot back, clearly offended.</p><p>“You’re not, right?” Danielle wanted to know.</p><p>“What? No, of course not. I am currently unattached and didn’t have any plans. Plus, I’ve been trying to pin down Jordan for ages. So thank you, Mrs. Chase, once again, for allowing me to join you,” he said in his most charming tone.</p><p>“You may not be feeling as grateful when my mother gets up from her nap,” Patty warned him.</p><p>Tino didn’t seem bothered by the prospect. He sat on the arm of the couch as Rayanne sat down as well.</p><p>“So, Angela you’ve got my man Jordan all wrapped up in you again. Though I must say, I can see why,” he told her with a flirtatious wink.</p><p>“Please keep it PG Tino...there are children present,” Patty scoffed. Then she stood and went to the other room.</p><p>Brian passed her as he came over and joined them. He smiled at Emily and gave a confused nod to Tino.</p><p>“It’s Tino, right?” Brian asked a little unsure as he extended his hand.</p><p>“That’s right,” he said as he accepted his hand and gave it a firm shake. “You weren’t that smart kid who used to tutor Catalano, were you?”</p><p>“Yeah, that was me,” Brian told him.</p><p>“You used to tutor, Jordan?” Emily said with amazement.</p><p>“He was really good at it too,” Angela added, trying to downplay that it was anything relevant.</p><p>“So, you guys all used to hang out together and stuff?” Emily asked with a new sense of curiosity.</p><p>“Well not me,” Tino clarified. “I was just around.”</p><p>“Me and Tino were neighbours as kids. We go way back. In high school he was the guy you went to if you needed something,” Rayanne explained to the girl.</p><p>“Rayanne,” Angela chided.</p><p>“What kind of things?” Emily wanted to know.</p><p>“I got this goat for this dude’s party once. It was crazy,” Tino laughed.</p><p>“Hey Tino, why don’t we go check out how my dad’s doing with the food. See if there’s anything we can bring out to the table,” Danielle requested sweetly, trying to get the man away from Angela and Rayanne, and most of all Emily.</p><p>Brian sat down heavily in the spot where Danielle had been sitting. </p><p>“Wake me when dinner’s ready,” Brian sighed as he closed his eyes.</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” Angela asked with concern.</p><p>“Five minutes with Chase and Neil and I’m done,” he complained.</p><p>“Uncle Neil is like a four year old in a man’s body,” Angela explained to Rayanne.</p><p>“I can see that,” Rayanne chuckled as she looked over her shoulder at the man who currently bouncing the boy on his knee.</p><p>“But, you’re okay..I mean otherwise?” Angela asked Brian again with a hand on his knee.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine,” he told her. “Thanks, though.”</p><p>When dinner was ready everyone did their best to make room at the table. Brian and Danielle ended up sitting with the kids at a card table; otherwise known as the kiddie table. Danielle was livid, while Brian was very happy to oblige.</p><p>“I can sit at the other table if Danielle wants to sit here,” Rayanne offered politely. </p><p>“Yeah, Rayanne should sit in the no booze zone with the minors,” Danielle whined. Brian gave her some serious side-eye for her comment.</p><p>“Our Danielle is the youngest,” said Grandmother Vivian. “Besides, now I can have the chance to get to know you. All I know about you, Rayanne, is that you were kind enough to give this family a beautiful little girl. Other than that, I remember you as the mysterious girl that Angela was so close to that she insisting on going to your birthday party.”</p><p>“Wow, you remember that?” Angela asked a little taken aback. </p><p>“Well here I am. After all these years,” Rayanne said and forced a smile to distract from the horrible memories. “Not so mysterious now, though.”</p><p>“There must be something to you...you got my granddaughter’s husband to turn his head,” the old woman added.</p><p>“Grandma” “Mother” both Angela and Patty said in the same offended tone.</p><p>“Actually, Vivian. I was the real reason they broke up. No need to take it out on Rayanne,” Jordan offered politely.</p><p>He gave her a winning smile and the old woman seemed to melt under his charm. Rayanne had to stifle a laugh as she watched Angela and Patty’s jaws drop simultaneously. Graham joined them after a beat. He’d never seen his mother-in-law so beguiled before.</p><p>Tino leaned over and whispered something in Rayanne’s ear. She laughed nervously and shook her head. She knew it would be rude to continue whispering, so she answered out loud.</p><p>“Vivian said that because Emily is my daughter. Don’t you remember?” She told him quizzically.</p><p>“Not really...You do understand how messed up that sounds, right? Your spawn being raised by your ex and Catalano’s ex. It’s like a lifetime movie, or something,” Tino rambled.</p><p>“There you go, Brian. If we ever really stuck financially we can the rights to our story to made into some kind of cautionary tale,” Angela quipped across to the other table with annoyance.</p><p>“I would totally watch that,” said Neil with sincerity. </p><p>He was met with glares all around.</p><p>“So Tino, what sort of work do you do?” Graham asked trying to draw attention away from his brother.</p><p>“Oh a little of this and a little of that,” the man said with shrug.</p><p>“I keep trying to get him to go with me when I tour. He always knows his way around a city, even if he’s never been there before. He’s like a human compass,” Jordan jumped in.</p><p>“I really just know the right people to ask,” Tino added with a smile.</p><p>“Like human google,” Emily offered, from her spot at the other table.</p><p>“God that sounds dirty,” Danielle grimaced to Brian who snickered.</p><p>“That’s right, you’re a musician,” stated Vivian, as though she was still processing the conversation from a few moments back. “Is that lucrative, Jordan?”</p><p>“Actually, I write music and sing when I perform. So, yes ma’am, very lucrative,” he told her in earnest.</p><p>Angela beamed a little at her boyfriend’s ability to stand up for himself with her grandmother.</p><p>“Good for you, young man,” she told him with a nod of approval. “Sounds as though you may have what it takes to keep my Angela’s attention.”</p><p>“Not a passive-aggressive dig at you at all,” Danielle muttered to Brian.</p><p>“Don’t worry I’m used to it,” he told her. “I was never good enough for her.”</p><p>“This is why I don’t bring boyfriends to family dinners. It’s just so unfair,” she added with a laugh.</p><p>“Then you’d better never get married,” he advised, only half joking.</p><p>Rayanne caught the two adults at the kid’s table having a laugh. She knew she should be happy they were having a good time, but a little part of her was jealous.</p><p>As they were clearing up and getting ready for dessert Rayanne pulled Angela over to the side.</p><p>“You remember when Danielle was younger and had that absurd crush on Brian?” Rayanne started to ask.</p><p>Angela gave her a knowing nod. “Yeah, I guess he must have told you, huh?” </p><p>“Told me what?” she asked suddenly taken by surprise.</p><p>“Wait what were you going to ask me?” Angela back-pedalled.</p><p>“If anything ever happened between them...which now I’m thinking it did,” Rayanne told her with concern.</p><p>“What did Brian say?” the blond wanted to know so she didn’t step on any toes.</p><p>“He kind of sidestepped the question,” she said as she glanced over to Danielle who was back to flirting with Tino.</p><p>“Oh...well, maybe you should just ask him again,” said Angela as she gathered plates and walked off to the kitchen.</p><p>Rayanne followed the other woman and stopped her by the sink. “Why won’t you just tell me whatever it was you thought I already knew?” she whispered.</p><p>“Because isn’t it sort of nice that we’ve been getting along? If I tell you something that Brian wasn’t ready for you to know behind his back, then doesn’t it feel like we’re taking a step backwards?” Angela rambled nervously.</p><p>“You’re right,” she conceded and walked back out into the main room to find Brian.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Brian asked her skeptically as his girlfriend approached him with a serious look on her face.</p><p>“Oh sure. I just suddenly missed you,” she told him before giving him a kiss.</p><p>“Well thanks,” he blushed as he brushed the side of her face with his hand.</p><p>“See that’s what I miss about being involved with someone,” lamented Neil as he inadvertently watched the lovebirds.</p><p>“I keep telling you...you just have to commit to one woman, but that just seems too difficult for you and then you end up alone again,” Graham told his brother with a sigh.</p><p>“Yeah, I know...you’ll have to share the wisdom of how exactly you overcame that obstacle some day,” Neil teased knowingly.</p><p>“Shut up, Neil,” his brother told him with annoyance.</p><p>Later, Jordan took his chance to pull Rayanne into the kitchen while everyone was chatting. She gave him a dubious look. It wasn’t as though they had ever been good friends.</p><p>“What Catalano?” she asked without humour.</p><p>“Calm down. I just wanted to ask you how things are going,” he told her defensively.</p><p>“Why do you care?” she shot back as she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.</p><p>“Because I care about Angela. She’s been really shaken by all of this too, you know,” he informed her.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what are you referring to? Brian? Because what...if Brian can’t keep his life together she’ll end up with custody of the kids and there goes her fabulous lifestyle?” Rayanne ranted with indignation.</p><p>“Exactly. I mean, he wouldn’t want that to happen either, I’m sure,” said Jordan frankly.</p><p>“You’re a piece of work, Jordan. Do you even like her kids?” she countered.</p><p>“I like them just fine. What does that have to do with anything?” he retorted.</p><p>“Never mind. Brian is doing well. Thanks for your concern,” she told him with annoyance.</p><p>“I heard you’re living with them. That seems a little fast,” Jordan added before she could walk away.</p><p>“Yeah I guess it is, but Brian isn’t like you, or me. He’s never really been alone before. It’s really hard for him,” she said with a sigh.</p><p>“Then I guess you’re planning to stay this time,” he said more than asked.</p><p>Rayanne regarded the man for a moment and tried to let go of her resentment for him. She started to understand that he was actually being sincere.</p><p>“That’s the plan. I know no one believes it. Brian doesn’t even believe it most of the time,” she confided.</p><p>“That’s gotta be tough. I know you’ll do what you can to prove yourself,” he told her sympathetically.</p><p>“I guess that’s how it is for us first time, turned second chance lovers,” she said with a shrug.</p><p>“Who would have ever thought we would have something so obscure in common,” he chuckled.</p><p>“I’m sorry I was such a bitch. You just have that effect on me,” Rayanne added as she gave him a smile.</p><p>“Ditto. You were never my favourite person,” he admitted.</p><p>“Hey what’s the deal with Tino? I haven’t heard from him in a decade and now he’s just hanging in the Chase’s living room,” she asked distractedly.</p><p>“Yeah, he wasn’t as quick as the rest of us to join real life. He would still rather party and be buzzed 24/7. I do want him to come with me when I go back to Europe at Christmas, but I’m also worried he’ll just take off and need me to bail him out of some foreign prison,” Jordan explained plainly.</p><p>“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” she commented, to which he didn’t deny.</p><p>“You know, I should go check in with Danielle. It would truly be a mistake for that girl to leave with our boy,” Jordan added as he excused himself from her company.</p><p>Brian passed by Jordan as he came into the kitchen. He gave his girlfriend a look of confusion to find it had been her the man was chatting with.</p><p>“You two have fun catching up?” he asked nervously.</p><p>“We’re both still breathing so I guess things went well,” she informed him.</p><p>“That’s a frightening way to gauge a conversation,” he told her as he leaned on the nearby counter.</p><p>“Hey Brian, did you ever and Danielle ever have sex?” she asked him abruptly.</p><p>“Whoa, where the hell did that come from?” he said defensively.</p><p>“I was just curious. I mean...if you did I suppose it doesn’t matter now,” she said with a shrug.</p><p>“Well I didn’t,” he informed her.</p><p>“Then why was Angela getting so uncomfortable when I asked her?” Rayanne asked him as she crossed her arms in front of her.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he replied with his hands up. “Oh no...yeah. I know what she was talking about,” he added with a wince.</p><p>“What?” Now she really needed to know.</p><p>“Angela and I didn’t get married until we were twenty-four. We finished high school and college first. We were engaged during Angela’s last year of college,” he told her very casually, but then he lowered his voice. </p><p>“Angela comes home for thanksgiving that year and tells me that she’s suddenly unsure. I try to convince her not to say anything to anyone until she knows either way. I tell her not to stress about it and take until winter break to let me know,” he continues to tell her.</p><p>“That must have been hard,” said Rayanne supportively and put a hand on his arm.</p><p>“It was, but I knew that she had a lot of ambitions and marrying me would also mean being a full time mom. So anyway, she doesn’t tell anyone...except Danielle,” he says ominously. “And Danielle is now eighteen and comes home drunk one night and shows up on my doorstep instead of going home. Claims she can’t let her parents know. My parents are out of town...’cause they still did that sort of thing from time to time. So I let her in because it’s snowing and she’s drunk.”</p><p>“Oh no,” Rayanne couldn’t stop the laughter that was bubbling up in her chest.</p><p>“Oh yes...she tells me how she knows that Angela isn’t going to marry me and how she hates that I’ve waited all these years and I deserve better.”</p><p>“All while slurring and trying not to fall down, I’m sure,” she giggled.</p><p>“See, that was the most surprising part. She didn’t really seem that drunk after a few minutes.”</p><p>“Shut up! So did you turned down her pity sex?” his girlfriend asked as seriously as possible, which wasn’t very successful.</p><p>“I got a bit of a Delia Fisher on the couch déjà vu first, but yes—I turned her down. We don’t talk about it...since I did end up marrying her sister.”</p><p>Rayanne was dying now. She was laughing so hard that she couldn’t catch her breath. Brian stared at the woman in disbelief that she could find his story so amusing.</p><p>“Is everything okay in here?” Patty asked as she popped her head in to check on them.</p><p>“It’s fine. We’re fine. I swear Rayanne has not been drinking,” Brian told her with difficulty.</p><p>“God, I would never suggest that she had been,” Patty replied slightly unnerved.</p><p>“I’m sorry Patty. Brian just told me something super funny,” Rayanne managed to say when she finally calmed herself.</p><p>“Okay, well I think we’re getting ready to call it a night. My mother has requested I take her home,” she informed them with mild annoyance at still being told what to do by her eighty-something year old mother.</p><p>“Sure Patty,” Brian responded, so she knew they understood.</p><p>“Patricia!” Vivian called from the next room.</p><p>“Coming mother!” Patty called back with a roll of her eyes.</p><p>“You do realize that what went down with Delia was pretty serious right? I mean, it wasn’t nothing,” she told him once they were alone again.</p><p>“So, what? You’re mad?” He asked in disbelief after all her laughter.</p><p>“No, no. I really thought you were going to tell me you had pity sex with Danielle after Angela left you,” Rayanne added more calmly.</p><p>“No...although I think I could have used it then,” he joshed.</p><p>“Lucky me...I got to be your rebound,” she joked back and hit his butt as he went to leave the kitchen.</p><p>“Play nice,” he shot over his shoulder.</p><p>“You’re no fun,” she pouted as they re-joined the group.</p><p>Everyone was saying their good-byes and Rayanne was just happy no big dramas or fights happened. Although Neil did get a little overtly affectionate after his third glass of wine. And she was certain Danielle and Tino disappeared for a few minutes into one of the bedrooms, before Jordan could stop them.</p><p>Rayanne was taking a pass at strapping Chase into his car seat when Angela came up beside her.</p><p>“Do you need any help?” the blond offered.</p><p>“Oh sure,” she said as she moved aside.</p><p>“Mommy, when can you come stay again?” Chase asked his mother with a yawn.</p><p>“Soon, baby. You know I love you,” Angela told her son and then gave him a kiss on each cheek.</p><p>“I love you too, mommy,” Chase replied a little sadly.</p><p>Angela finished securing his buckles and turned to give Emily a hug before the girl got in beside her brother.</p><p>“I guess I never really think about how hard it is for you,” Rayanne admitted as she too found herself hugging Angela.</p><p>“You take care of them for me, okay?” she said trying to stay unemotional.</p><p>“Sure thing, Angeleeka,” she said with a smile.</p><p>The two women parted and as Rayanne went to get in the car she noticed Brian had beat her to the driver’s seat.</p><p>“So much for playing nice,” she shot in his direction as she buckled her belt. He stuck his tongue out at her.</p><p>Later as they were getting into bed, Brian turned to her after he finished scribbling in his book.</p><p>“So I kind of had something I wanted to talk to you about all day, but I didn’t know when would be the best time,” he started to tell her.</p><p>“Brian, it’s after midnight. Is now really the best time?” she groaned.</p><p>“You’re right. We can talk in the morning,” he agreed and turned out the light.</p><p>After sitting in darkness for a few minutes, Rayanne turned the light back on.</p><p>“Now I won’t be able to sleep until you tell me what it is,” she grumbled.</p><p>“Well I wanted to tell you that I spoke to my mom this morning,” he informed her as he rolled over to face her.</p><p>“And?” she prompted.</p><p>“And I told her that you’re back in my life and we’re doing really well,” he said confidently.</p><p>“And?” she said again.</p><p>“And she doesn’t want you to come for new year,” he winced.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“Bernice was pretty adamant that you’re not welcome in her home,” he elaborated.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? Does she know that I’m basically your personal support person? Did you explain that you need me to go with you?” she ranted trying to hold back her anger.</p><p>“I haven’t told my parents about my set backs,” he confessed.</p><p>“Why?” She was clearly at a loss.</p><p>“Because my parents will want to put me away, Rayanne. I’m not kidding,” he informed her.</p><p>“Brian...if you go down there for ten days and have another ‘set back’ they will institutionalize you. No question,” she scoffed.</p><p>“Then it’s settled. We’re not going. I don’t even think the kids will mind. Maybe we can go to New York instead. Go to Time Square for the ball drop,” he rationalized and then gave her a kiss.</p><p>“Brian, why are things still so difficult with your parents? Did you at least try talking to Bob?” she asked out of curiosity.</p><p>“My Dad hasn’t had his own opinions in years. I don’t think talking to him will help,” he said sadly.</p><p>“Bri?” she asked simply.</p><p>“Ray?” he mimicked.</p><p>“I know we’re both exhausted, but I was kind of hoping we could end the night with something a little more satisfying than arguing about your parents,” she lamented.</p><p>“What now? Can I make up for it In the morning instead?” he groaned. “I just can’t make love to you after talking about my mom.”</p><p>“Duly noted,” she snickered, “the morning it is.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I think this story has kind of settled down in my brain. I’ve been distracted by other things. I just wanted to post what I had in case there is anyone still interested in reading it. Thank you for reading and comments/reviews welcome:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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